Based upon Janet Napolitano now gaining information from Twitter
we now join a Barack Hussein Obama news conference
already in progress
Mr. Obama speaks..........
Thank you, thank you, for that 3 hours of standing ovation, but we must now begin as I have a golf game for this afternoon and cherry pie to eat at 8 pm.......and you all folks know how cherry pie does not like to be kept waiting. laughter from puppy press.
As you folks know, I have had Eric Holder put the entire CIA in prison and used that money wisely in making a 3000 mile full body length carving of me along the Rocky Mountains to be seen from the air.
This wise use of resources is due to Janet Napolitano using Twitter and Huffington Post as our source of intelligence information. It has been 3 weeks into this and America has not suffered in the least.
I will now take questions.
Ed Schultz: Beloved Obama, my sources in North Dakota report that Russian tanks are blowing up Fargo, would you please reply to this.
Obama: Thank you Ed for asking that question, so I can put it to rest. I have Twitter on right now and I can assure you that Putin 911 who just posted now says that Fargo is sunny, clear, has little dogs frolicking in the Red River and there is no Russian invasion.
Your Governor and Happy Hooligan National Guard are completely wrong.
Next question.
Jake Tapper: Beloved Obama, my sources tell me that a huge Chinese naval force landed in San Diego and Governor Schwarzenegger has fled the now state of Chinafornia.
Obama: Thank you Jake for that questions as I can assure you that both my teleprompter and Twitter have absolutely nothing on any Chinese invasion. This of course is Bush's fault and probably comes from a speech by Dick Cheney who related that 40 million Californians had flooded into Wyoming.
Once again I want to quote my Twitter source monitored by Janet Napolitano in Hu Commie 911 as stating, "It never rains in California, but girl don't they warn ya when it pours, man it pours".
In that as I your beloved weatherman am forecasting rain in southern California.
Next question as my golf game is waiting.
Peggy Noonan: "sigh" kerplonk!
Jake Tapper: Noonan's had an Obamasm and fainted again.
Obama: That happens alot, next question to adore me.
Chris O'Donnell: Beloved Obama, I love you. I have named my dog after you. I have named my left testicle for you and tattooed my right with "Obama forever", dear, beloved, most beloved, most halo beloved Obama, I have been told by the French CIA that Persian nuclear armed ships are steaming toward America.
Obama: Thank you Chris for that question, but I can assure you that I read on Huffington Post that the only dangers facing America are Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and the Republicans, and I have arrested them all where they are all in captivity at Gitmo which I shut down and reopened for folks on Napolitano's watch list.
Next question.
Shep Smith: Beloved Obama, I just want to thank you for arresting all the Birthers, Tea baggers and my associates at FOX News. Fox News is now fair and balanced with only Obama voters.
Obama: Folks I love questions like that as my Teleprompter doesn't break a sweat.
Hysterical laughter and fart from Helen Thomas.
Next question.
Ariana Huffington: Beloved Obama, my Mexican maid working for tacos just phoned that an Persian nuclear missile blew up half of my estate, which had room for a pony, but now just has a crater. I also see black smoke rolling down Pennsylvania Avenue. Could you alleviate my concerns beloved Obama please.
Obama: Thank you Ariana, you are looking rather blonde today. Perhaps you would like to stop by with Cynthia McFadden for some cherry pie while Michelle is checking her garden, after Tom Friedman gets done soaping me up from our shower after golf, because you are looking rather blonde today..........
Oh yes, my Teleprompter says that I have been reading your post minutes ago that America is secure on the Huffington Post and you can not be wrong Ariana.
Also I have it on good authority from Tweets by Ahmadinejad 9 11 that Iran is our friend, Jews are the problem and when nuclear bombs blow up America it will be bin Laden.
So even if your room for a pony is now a crater for roasting hot dogs, I can assure you that it was not a Persian missile and that black cloud of smoke on Pennsylvanian Avenue is due to global warming as I read that from object Tweeter Al Gore 9 11.
As of that, it seems the internet is down.........no it is back up, but Huffington Post now reads Pravda Post and Twitter is now Chicom Chatter, but they also assure me that the world is at peace and I am due for another Nobel Prize.
Thank you all and Obama blesses you. It is time for my golf game, quickie shower and some cherry pie with the girls.
End Obama Intelligence Press Conference.
agtG
we now join a Barack Hussein Obama news conference
already in progress
Mr. Obama speaks..........Thank you, thank you, for that 3 hours of standing ovation, but we must now begin as I have a golf game for this afternoon and cherry pie to eat at 8 pm.......and you all folks know how cherry pie does not like to be kept waiting. laughter from puppy press.
As you folks know, I have had Eric Holder put the entire CIA in prison and used that money wisely in making a 3000 mile full body length carving of me along the Rocky Mountains to be seen from the air.
This wise use of resources is due to Janet Napolitano using Twitter and Huffington Post as our source of intelligence information. It has been 3 weeks into this and America has not suffered in the least.
I will now take questions.
Ed Schultz: Beloved Obama, my sources in North Dakota report that Russian tanks are blowing up Fargo, would you please reply to this.
Obama: Thank you Ed for asking that question, so I can put it to rest. I have Twitter on right now and I can assure you that Putin 911 who just posted now says that Fargo is sunny, clear, has little dogs frolicking in the Red River and there is no Russian invasion.
Your Governor and Happy Hooligan National Guard are completely wrong.
Next question.
Jake Tapper: Beloved Obama, my sources tell me that a huge Chinese naval force landed in San Diego and Governor Schwarzenegger has fled the now state of Chinafornia.
Obama: Thank you Jake for that questions as I can assure you that both my teleprompter and Twitter have absolutely nothing on any Chinese invasion. This of course is Bush's fault and probably comes from a speech by Dick Cheney who related that 40 million Californians had flooded into Wyoming.
Once again I want to quote my Twitter source monitored by Janet Napolitano in Hu Commie 911 as stating, "It never rains in California, but girl don't they warn ya when it pours, man it pours".
In that as I your beloved weatherman am forecasting rain in southern California.
Next question as my golf game is waiting.
Peggy Noonan: "sigh" kerplonk!
Jake Tapper: Noonan's had an Obamasm and fainted again.
Obama: That happens alot, next question to adore me.
Chris O'Donnell: Beloved Obama, I love you. I have named my dog after you. I have named my left testicle for you and tattooed my right with "Obama forever", dear, beloved, most beloved, most halo beloved Obama, I have been told by the French CIA that Persian nuclear armed ships are steaming toward America.
Obama: Thank you Chris for that question, but I can assure you that I read on Huffington Post that the only dangers facing America are Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and the Republicans, and I have arrested them all where they are all in captivity at Gitmo which I shut down and reopened for folks on Napolitano's watch list.
Next question.
Shep Smith: Beloved Obama, I just want to thank you for arresting all the Birthers, Tea baggers and my associates at FOX News. Fox News is now fair and balanced with only Obama voters.
Obama: Folks I love questions like that as my Teleprompter doesn't break a sweat.
Hysterical laughter and fart from Helen Thomas.
Next question.
Ariana Huffington: Beloved Obama, my Mexican maid working for tacos just phoned that an Persian nuclear missile blew up half of my estate, which had room for a pony, but now just has a crater. I also see black smoke rolling down Pennsylvania Avenue. Could you alleviate my concerns beloved Obama please.
Obama: Thank you Ariana, you are looking rather blonde today. Perhaps you would like to stop by with Cynthia McFadden for some cherry pie while Michelle is checking her garden, after Tom Friedman gets done soaping me up from our shower after golf, because you are looking rather blonde today..........
Oh yes, my Teleprompter says that I have been reading your post minutes ago that America is secure on the Huffington Post and you can not be wrong Ariana.
Also I have it on good authority from Tweets by Ahmadinejad 9 11 that Iran is our friend, Jews are the problem and when nuclear bombs blow up America it will be bin Laden.
So even if your room for a pony is now a crater for roasting hot dogs, I can assure you that it was not a Persian missile and that black cloud of smoke on Pennsylvanian Avenue is due to global warming as I read that from object Tweeter Al Gore 9 11.
As of that, it seems the internet is down.........no it is back up, but Huffington Post now reads Pravda Post and Twitter is now Chicom Chatter, but they also assure me that the world is at peace and I am due for another Nobel Prize.
Thank you all and Obama blesses you. It is time for my golf game, quickie shower and some cherry pie with the girls.
End Obama Intelligence Press Conference.
agtG
