Yes my children I have yielded to temptation while not feeling well in picking up a Catholic bible in the junks store......well was not really tempted by it, except the thought crossed my mind in keeping it out of the hands of the uninformed and I like reading things in print, and not online.
I got started on this big book, because my Mom has a KJV that is huge. She packs things into her Bible's and draws lines in them which I dislike, so I thought I would get this Bible......and then it was the new Bible based on a former version based on a former version of the Latin Vulgate.....You know St. Jerome's translations that sort of spun a bit of doctoring toward authoritarian rule.
No matter, as I got my mysteries of Rome and I must say it is a mystery of delights.
First off.......Jesus got treated kind of rough as someone half ripped out His picture......felt sorry for Jesus and said, "Jesus you got better treatment from the Romans back in the day".....or something like that. At least it was not a picture of baby Jesus, as that would have really been upsetting.
So I taped Jesus back together.......good news was holy Mary, pray for us sinners in our hour of need was in good shape. Was like a prayer with her on a card suitable for framing stuck in by Jesus. From like Pius XXII or something.....I'm not Catholic so I don't know which one it was in the special Mary prayer, but good news the Catholics did not attack her, only Jesus in this bible.
The bible sort of got rough treatment......pages bent over I was unbending. I did see all there sacraments were included in the Old Testament......nice picture of a priest too......did not look like he ever wanted to molest boys in being a homosexual, so that was a good deal. Like Wally Cleaver would look if he Tony Dow had grown up to be a priest.
So I find all these new books.......Judith....means Jewess in some battle she won. Tobit I think it was......odd book I think about getting pissed in the eyes or bird poop in your eyes and going blind........new angels like Raphael playing coy in disguise on a journey to Persia to dig up treasure.....some hot chica the guy marries......gets attacked by some fish......kills it.....guts it for medicine and stuff........Asemodeus or some demon named thing is attacking people .......wedding night too I think and Tobit hauls off and hits him with fish guts and saves the day.....and then he goes home and rubs fish inerds on his blind old man and cures him too.....Raphael then flies the coup back to heaven.
Did not see any new stuff in the New Testament......just the Old with repeats it looked like to me....will do more looking later as am quite excited about having a bible the anti Christ will be around......false prophet too........but I did not see any Obama in this Catholic bible......that was disappointing.
Perhaps in a future rewrite or maybe Obama has his name scribbled in over Jesus in Obama's bible he got from Jeremiah Wright.
Maybe Jeremiah Wright did the scribbling for Obama and that is where Obama got the messiah idea from.
Anyway.....so I am looking at this bible some more....Virgin Mary picture and she is looking all seductive.....and then I find this note. I think it is a book mark first, but it is this note to Cheri.
I don't know how Cheri is really as in our local paper no Cheri's have croaked that I can see and that is where this stuff usually comes from. Anyway you want to know what the note said too, as I of course read it and felt like I was violating some sacred rite, but I will get over that.
So Cheri gets this note from Sister Peg. I don't know Sis Peg either, but am sure she is long since dead as the Wally Cleaver priest looked like he came out of 1950, so Cheri must have been mystified from that period.
Anyway.......Sis Peg is ......did I tell you I was born in a Cathtolic hospital? Yes mam I was born in a genuine bonafied Catholic hospital which probably had the Virgin Mary somewhere hanging out on the wall too.
Where was I?
So word had it that all the nuns......it was Sister Loretta, Mary and Francis....Francis was in charge my Mom said......and they all baptized all the heathen Protestant and the like children when not in their Mother's care. Probably orders from the Mum Superior or the Father.
Anyway.......I got impetigo in the hospital. Probably was dirty holy water running off the nuns hands. Brother got it too seven years before, so was probably the same dirty holy water which washed him off to being mystery baby as it did me.
I got the real absolution though, just sprinkling though a few months later. Got an authentic card too from the Church and only baby photo ever taken of me was at Grams that day.
Where was I?
Oh yeah the mystery note. Apparently Cheri had been asking lots of nun questions and was being praised for it. She had a sponsor named Pat who was guiding her into the mysteries of Rome......all great stuff.
I did notice though on Wednesday night Sis Peg was offering up coffee and donuts........the donuts got a bit exclamation point after it.......must have been really exciting or how Catholics lure unsuspecting types into the religion.
"Here have a donut little girl", and then they turn on the fire hose and baptize them into Catholicism.
So Cheri must have bought this humungous bible. I figure she was either manly strong or thought that a big bible got you better standing with God or something.......no latin in this bible, but lots of pictures. God speaks latin you know and only latin, as that is why Catholics in the robe always got that going on.....probably why Jesus only does things for me when I pray loud, as everyone understands English when you shout at them.
Alas though, no latin this bible so Cheri and I just got to go through the priest to get things done.
Where was I?
Cheri kept the big bible, but apparently no one else around her cared about it.....probably some demoniac who was trying to tear Jesus out of the front of it, but then I got a surprise at the end.
Yes now I wonder if that was that Sister Peg doing the tearing of Jesus, as sure enough I got to the end of the bible and I told Mom, "They ripped out the last page and only left a corner of it".
Them Catholics are cagey it seems. Pretty good deal in handing out bibles with the last page tore out so you don't know how it ends, and you got to go to the Sister and she says......"Well go ask the priest" and the priest says, "Well go to mass", and Cheri goes to mass and just as the priest says, "and for all of you who want to know what happens on the last page that somehow gets ripped out of bibles we sell.......oh I see time is up, and you must come back next week".
Sounds like a real plan to me in doing all this as it would all make sense. I know I have been in Catholic churches 3 times and I thought I was going to be struck by lightning in each one. All were for funerals of married into the family relations, but never learned nothing.
One had this big altar dedicated to Michael the archangel......they called him a saint, but saint's are only people.
Anyway, at another one the dead brother's sister kept reading from the book of wisdom.....sounded like Proverbs to me, but she was really getting off on it. The priest was not interested in comforting anyone as he was orgasmic about all the Catholic nation's power and their ruling the world........his eyes were ablaze in that ,but did not see how that helped the dead bro laying there.
Was cool though as the communion stuff, eucharist was put into a box up front, disappeared and then came from the back of the church.....really cool magic and when I asked Catholics about it, they had no explanation nor idea what it was about.
Apparently at funerals to wow the non Catholics magic tricks are performed to bring you back.
Maybe that is how Cheri got lured in. Went to a funeral a magic tricks started up and that is why Sister Peg mentioned in the note about all the questions Cheri was asking.
Other funeral I went to, the priest loaded up on the holy water and dumped wine into it, and the guzzled the whole lot. They do that in taking on Catholic folks sins.
I do hope it was not the holy water I got impetigo from......would think in reverse would be ok as wine would be a disinfectant on babies.
Well that is my delving into the mysteries of Rome. Val Kilmer is the fault as I liked him in Tombstone and he was doing the like in hypocrisy.
Think that is about it in this adventure. Tobit should be renamed to something sexy like Ali baba as it comes from the same area. I would do a rewrite as sounds like a fun story if the guy was named, Jake.......could call Raphael, Barel.....and the demon could be Obama, a that is a nice demon sounding name.
Strange how Hollywood only makes them hobbit movies of Tolkien and that fag little twerp starring in them when this kind of fodder is around.
Mel Gibson and I could collaborate on this movie and would be a hit, as that Jesus dogma movie he made, had folks thinking they were going to heaven for just buying a ticket.
I wonder if that is where Obama got the idea he was Jesus? Maybe Mel Gibson made B. Hussein Obama. I could see Obama in a shower getting towel slapped by Rahm Emanuel and that Passion playing in the background at some boy bath house in Chicago and Obama was seduced by it all being aroused at the time when Jesus was getting whipped.
Yes having Rahm Emanuel snap you on the butt cheek would seem to be a scourging to someone like Barack Obama and in missing the last part, just figured he would be the messiah and rule the world as Jesus was quite popular.
I wonder what kind of bible you get to trade up to get pictures like this? Maybe that is why Cheri was tearing out the Jesus page, as she got the non cleavage Mary and was upset.
I don't know as it is all a mystery to me this stuff Maybe you get perfect breasts when you are immaculately conceived as they teach.....maybe that is why God chose Mary as she wore low cut tops and showed cleavage that was immaculately perfect.
I'll have to see if this stuff is in my Catholic bible or if the reprints with better pictures got those kinds of details in them.
agtG
