My children, I began to contemplate something, which I really did not care about as what all those caste titles meant you hear about.
You know like Lord of the Manor. Sure you know it means it is some dude in a suit in a bigger than cottage house in the country, and he bows to the Queen as I got that figured out in who is on top of the royals, but what is all this other title stuff?
So I embarked in my thesaurus, in not having internet connection, to try and sort it all out. Fortunately I have a thesaurus which speaks in Oxford English, so it puts up a jolly good show of both Brit and Yank vernaculars.
What I am looking at right now is an Earl. Yeah, pretty much like you think a redneck is the low totem on the poll, it appears that an Earl is at the end of the line, probably has to shake hands with the Queen's pony in the line outside the palace.
A Count is just a Continent word for an Earl, so I guess you could either choose to have a redneck name or looked upon like a wacky Dracula with a cape name. Probably why Dracula was off his rocker in he was upset in having to stand outside shaking horse hooves all the time.
Makes one dream of biting pretty princess necks.
That is until a Viscount shows up. The Viscount appears the poor relations in the royal caste. Sort of like saying, "Yeah I'm from the city", and the city is Sioux City in Iowa.
There is though a worse place and that is under a Viscount is a Baron, who is the I suppose Sioux Falls of places no one cares about.
Next up is a Marquess. I think you get that title when you are like the brother of the guy who gets the estate like a Duke.
If you are a Duke, you are the top rung. I know it sounds like a dog name, but then people name their dogs, cats and horses, King and Queen too, but it appears that one should aspire to being a Duke.
Prince Charles brother, Andrew, was Prince Andrew until Diana popped out the loaf head, then I think he got stuck being a Duke as no one cared about his breath of life, as he was only princely as a back up to Charles if the jug ears stopped breathing.
It sort of gets confusing when you start infusing military titles into this pecking order, as a Squire is a nobleman who attends a knight and has lands. While a Knight is a nobleman trained in military and chivalry who has the King or Queen's sword tapped on the neck, but not cutting the head off.
Below them are those Brigadeers and Commodores who just a military ranks bringing up the rear.
If I have this sorted proper it is:
Brigadeer or Commodore (no nobility)
Squire
Knight or Lady
Baron and Baronness
Viscount
Earl or Count
Marquess
Duke
Ok now that, that is sorted, then you got your Viceroy, which is like the sibling of a King or Queen who gets to rule India next in order, is like Prince Philip who gets to be husband of the Queen, in a sort of royal with benefits package in he has no power, gets to walk behind the Queen and everyone gets to walk behind him, but he gets to shoot the Queen's things and ride the Queen's horses and order things around in the Queen's homes, as long as the Queen is not around and he does not do more than rearrange the servants and not the furniture.
and the top of the papers is Viceregent, which is what Prince Charles is to Queen Elizabeth. The Viceregent gets to pretend he is Queen, doing all the hard work and glad handing, where the Queen just says whether she is amused or not.
I always wanted to be a Squire. I realize it is not top of the list, but I wanted land, and then I could ride around and shoot things while hunting on a horse as my workers did the agrarian things, like George Washington. Washington was a Squire really after he retired and that life appealed to me.
To me it would be hard to swallow being a Duke, Marquess or Prince, as each one of those titles meant you were just birthed in the wrong order, and because people were breathing you never got to be Queen, Duke or Prince. Sort of morbid being jealous like that in looking at others that way, but that must be how the insurance children of royals go about their lives.
Much better to be a Squire as you got the papers of nobility, but are far enough out on the list that no one expects much from you. You are like Adjutant or shield bearer to the chief warrior, so you get to be brave, while he gets to be a target.
After killing a few wogs, you get to go home and retire, and maybe get the King or Queen to lay a sword on your neck, and then get to be called Lord and lord it over all the Brigadeers and Earls and Barons who stayed home shooting grouse.
Plus you get called Lord, most people do not know if you are a Duke or what you are, so it is just the best place in the world to be.
Well this brings to a close more wasted space on the wall. Squire Cherry.......I think I would have a nice khaki hunting cap and coat, a bay horse, and a large gun. Today I think I would call my horse Blenheim as Theodore Roosevelt had a jumper named Blenheim and I think the Churchill's had some property named Blenheim, and it has that German ring to it, to make it sound Kaiser.
Tally ho! I knew all that fox hunting jargon, but it seemed all a misproper use of brain space.
Maybe Viceregentess Camilla could swipe the Queen's sword and Ladyship me. I rather fancy that being knighted by her. Strapping good woman.......
Oooooo, I just found what I want to be, I want to be titled Squire of Cambria. Be a ripping good title as Charles was Prince of Wales and Wales was Cambria in Roman times. Wales seems dreary though and all those welchmen and mines..........do have those ponies though.
I will turn it into a stag and hare land where the landowners will have right to hunt, be armed and other such things......we will hunt with Irish Settlers and I will visit Ireland as the Squire Regent, as long as I can hunt there.
La'me Cherry
The Squire of Cambria......yes I rather like that, at least in the title, but not the damp cool place. Perhaps we can work on global warming as Charles is a fan and make Wales a balmy sort of place.
Just curtsy proper when I ride by on Blenheim or I will have you off to the tower and on the rack......
Hey I bet the Pater Pope or the anti Christ could make me Squire of Cambria as they never gave up title. I could be knighted Centurion Cherry and go by the name Maximus Erectus.
Do not be tempted my children in the flattery of the Pater and the AC.
Yes, Centurion Cherry, Squire of Cambria. Leading member of Parliament in opposition to the anti Christ and the Pater of the Vatican. I do rather like that, what not eh.
agtG
