Sunday, April 3, 2016


From the desk of the Tiger Lily.

Day after day I am inundated with pictures of do-gooder "christian" participation in junkets abroad to the wilds of Africa, war-torn Mooselum refugee camps, Zika-crusted pueblos of Central America, and the like. And while the faux-justifications of "love thy neighbor" and "Go ye into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature" are all well and good, the focus of the Church, both locally and internationally, is always outward beyond our shores.

And right on cue, due to social programming, the "progressive" Christian's obsession with gibesmedats beyond our borders signals to me several things:

1) I am wealthier than you. See all this money and time I have to fritter away on overseas trips, watching people who live over there with the cute non-white children attempt to indoctrinate them with values from the Anglo-American educational system, taking lots of pictures of me holding/playing with the non-whites, and occasionally swinging a hammer to help put up some shack that may last for 5 years if the current regime doesn't burn it to the ground after I leave.

2) I am a better Christian than you. See all this money and time I have spent on overseas trips, helping those you are too poor to help because God didn't Love you as much as He Loved me. If you were my equal in the Christian community, you would be endowed with money to help the non-whites like I was (unless this country becomes socialist in which case other people wealthier than me should be required to sacrifice their money to me because they have more than I do). Sure, the early Christians shared their resources with each other, but that's SO 1st century. We modern-day Christians have evolved beyond that archaic stuff, it's more symbolic of what our intentions are now than what we're actually mandated to do.

3) You are not as important as the non-whites in other countries. And why shouldn't I choose to help them over helping you? You live in this country with "access" to welfare and other governmental aid that I pay for, so I've helped you enough. Besides, if I waste that kind of money and time on you, it doesn't look as glamorous when I post the selfies to my Facebook/Instagram/generic social media page showing all my friends what a good Christian I am.

4) Poor white Christians in America are not "my neighbor". They had their chance to do something with their lives just like me, since they are already in the United States. Not my fault if they couldn't pull themselves up by their bootstraps (even though in my case the bootstraps were made of gold and I had an automated pulley to do the actual pulling... still, not my problem). When Jesus told Peter the story of the Good Samaritan, clearly He meant non-white people that I must travel thousands of miles to come in contact with. That's why I occasionally invite blacks from Ebola-riddled countries to speak at my church who may or may not be Ebola carriers, because they're my real "neighbor", not you. Sorry white people, you don't count. Jesus said.

5) Poor black Christians in America are not "my neighbor". Blacks in the inner cities live in high-crime-rate/gang-controlled areas, and Jesus wouldn't want me endangering my life like that. I'm too important to hazard someone following me home, or- ick- visiting me at my home. My hizzouse is only for other rich white people (and the occasional token wealthy Asian/Black/Hispanic) to congregate for wine tastings and barbecues, stuff poor black people would not care about and an environment where they would not feel comfortable anyway. Gotta shield their Philistine feelings (and their eyes) from all of the expensive things I've bought for me and my kind in my pristine white-washed domicile. Besides, if I invited them to my shindigz, they might get the idea they are entitled to the same high-brow pursuits I enjoy, or they might want a repeat invite, and we can't have that. It would make my other rich white friends uncomfortable, and their feelings matter more.

6) Poor Mexican Christians in America are not "my neighbor". There are plenty of other white people taking care of our Spanish-speaking brethren, so I am not actually "needed" as so many other whites are already involved. Besides, it's not worth it to take care of poor coloreds unless I need a passport to do so. (For non-Christian Mexicans, see signal #5, sentence #2.)

7) Poor Asian Christians in America are not "my neighbor"... lol jk, there's no such thing as a "poor" Asian Christian. At least not in America. Nobody really cares about the communist Chinese, Indians, Cambodians, Japanese, Koreans, Vietnamese, Philipinos, Indonesians, or Guam, because Asia is not as high-profile of an area in Western media, globally-speaking, which brings us to...

8) The higher the risk of something bad happening to me, the more impressive/important the "missions" trip. Bonus points if it's an area that is massively covered by the American media, e.g. Syrian refugee camps (as long as they're in Syria and not the EU, because who cares about people already on government welfare in any country). The more I risk my life, the better of a Christian I am, because everyone looks up to Mother Teresa, Jim Elliott, David Brainerd, David Livingston, and Saeed Abedini way more than those boring local church ministries.

9) Poor people in the United States, both Christians and non-Christians, are lower on the triage totem pole than poor people outside the United States. People born in the United States automatically have a better chance at wealth and comfort than people outside the United States who have been unfairly treated by God since they weren't born in the United States, so it is up to Christians to make up for His mistakes as well as the shitty treatment they have received from their own regimes. Also, Jesus said "The poor you will always have with you", and I'm going to make damn sure that stays true, especially in the United States.

10) I'd rather "spread the wealth" overseas instead of voting for someone like Trump who could raise the standard of living both inside and outside the United States. We as a country don't deserve our God-given blessings (except for me, because God Loves me more), and we are supposed to give away our resources our ancestors died for to other countries who weren't as blessed so that they can continue to waste/consume everything we give them (while the elite collect the wealth we waste abroad), and then we can all completely level the playing field and collectively become third-world countries together (except for me, because God Loves me more).

In conclusion, Christan America is plagued with: 1)social cuckservatives who give away our wealth, our resources, and our hard-fought Blessings from God to people who refuse to pick up a weapon to defend/take control of their own country, 2)the elite open-borders traitors in the GOP who welcome the IQ-deficient, violent, diseased masses with wide-open arms, and 3)the leftist/progressive "christians" who have shown their absolute Phariseeical closet-contempt for their Christian brothers and sisters as well as their fellow countrymen and would rather quasi-assist people who are not a threat to the cushy comfort of their daily lives. History is not only cyclical, it is symmetrical. There is a Reckoning coming for the disobedient, heathen tribes of Israel, just like in Ezekiel's and Jeremiah's time. The question is, do we shine the Light of Truth upon the evil within our midst and expose the thieves for stealing the inheritance of the Promise given to Manasseh's descendants or just ignore it, whistle past the graveyard and hope it goes away?