Tuesday, September 13, 2016

The Homeland Security Interview of Lame Cherry

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

The visit from Homeland Security was enlightening, like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, as it is amazing how many of you brave keyboard patriots have vanished after all of your commando typing.

In assessing this, on the two agents who interviewed me, I have a great deal of confidence in Homeland field agents and their superiors. They are very well trained and apparently there is some "good looking clause" as Homeland does not let ugly people into their group which is quite settling, as after Naps Napolitano, one thought the standards had all been put aside and they let anyone in.

So I was interviewed by Matthew Goode and Yul Brenner. I highly recommend it for everyone really, as attractive people always are more comforting to deal with as they disarm you into their charms and you never notice how really capable they are.

I have decided now to become an advocate for Homeland Security, because they really do need it.

The main problem I noticed is the agency does not appreciate their agents. They have these little badges that look like they were manufactured for the carnival, and their identification papers are rather bland off old yellow.
Granted the SUV my taxes paid for was a gem, but I when I become their superior in the Trump Administration, the first thing I am going to do is contact the US Military medal production facility and have them mint an entire new set of golden badges for our Homeland Security officers. I think the same pretty purple for the Purple Heart should be embedded in the badge, and honestly it has to go full size, as a 2 inch badge is not worthy of Homeland.

I still would like to change it to Motherland too, but I am more interested at this juncture in getting these agents proper badges to match how handsome they are.

I am thinking of a real leather, black calf skin wallet too, as we must show appreciation for those who protect us, even if their political minders on top are trying to make this all on the cheap. 


I also am considering the immigrant on the Price as Right in Manuella to play me in the movie of my life story in the interview.  I have not cast really more than that as I am still so flattered that I have fans at Homeland Security and the FBI.
I am reminded of the bed fuzz quasi intellectuals who thought this blog had such a limited following, and here I have new friends in Homeland Security, and I will always endeavor to repay their kindness with all the things fitting they should have, as with billions of dollars for this department, there certainly can be more money proportioned for raises, child care and some impressive Homeland Security identification papers. I am thinking bone to accent the black calf skin and some impressive Franklin Gothic font. Oh yes,  a gold embossed logo on the outside too.

I do hope when they recorded our conversations that it picked up my nice speaking voice and the artificial intelligence transcribers do a job fitting of my interview. I hope a drone was overhead as in a FOIA I could splice that into the movie for dramatic effect.

This would have to debut at Cannes......no Robert Redford stuff, but it might be put on delay until after my appointment to the Trump Administration, because the reality is my security check is now blowing through all the computers and all I will have to do is the FBI interview at my White House office for my above black clearance.

I think I will appoint Matthew and Yul as my special laisons as  I will adhere to the absolute mandate of only hiring attractive employees. We all must do all we can to support our government as it transfers to President Donald J. Trump.

PS: Oh and please do not expect your agents to be as attractive as mine, as after all I am the Lame Cherry and of course there are higher standards in dealing with the popular girl.  Just be an American when they show up, and do not start crying or go fetal position as you hardly want that on the Homeland Best Bloopers digitals. So stand on your hind legs and pretend you are brave person you are hiding behind the screen and making others be the target for your patriotism.

Just be good little citizens in not making yourselves a target in obeying the law and stop causing more problems than you are worth.