Sunday, February 26, 2017
SALVATION BATMAN: Batman vs Joaquin Phoenix
As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
It has come to the attention of the Lame Cherry that Ben Affleck has homicidally murdered the Batman franchise, in a forever film, which was too much for the fat old bearded liberal male to not be enough high energy to deal with, so in that, Lame Cherry Productions announces a Lame Cherry project as only Lame Cherry can create in:
Batman vs Joaquin Phoenix
Yes, whenever the Lame Cherry is puzzled about things in life, the Lame Cherry asks, "What would Joaquin Phoenix do?", and in that we have the answer to SALVATION BATMAN, we simply pit Mr. Jennifer Garner against Joaquin Phoenix in, SALVATION BATMAN, Batman vs Joaquin Phoenix.
The movie opens with Robin slapping Batman who is out making propaganda films about Jimmy Carter not being a failure, gambling and having carnal sex with women who mistake him for Ryan Reynolds.
Attention Alert, Ryan Reynolds and the wife, appear as Barack and Michelle Obama on Virgin Island, wrestling with Dick Branson in debauchery.
Next we have Robin going to Commissioner Gordon, pleading for an intervention, and that is when Commissioner Gordon picks up the Red White and Blue phone, and makes an emergency call to President Donald Trump, who Tweets a special coded message which states: TO JP: HELP:DT
Immediately Joaquin Phoenix knows what to do in ordering Lame Cherry to write a script worthy of the greatest actor, like for all time, and immediately Batman Ben smirks and says he has a message from Birther and the Lurch to save jello from Bill Cosby.
Immediately Joaquin Phoenix responds in taking control of the German Waffen tank corp, and attacks Batman Ben.
There stands Joaquin Phoenix, white scarf in the wind, sunglasses on, dressed in leather, taking heavy fire from the Bat Cave, and at the opportune moment, stuffs Alec Baldwin into a 105 Howitzer and shoots Batman Ben with Alec Baldwin.
Next Joaquin Phoenix rescues Jennifer Garner and children from Ben Affleck, and they immediately adore Joaquin Phoenix, and life has never been so good.
Scene two opens with Batman Ben in a fury, and knowing he is not man enough to take on Joaquin Phoenix, even with Alec Baldwin protruding from his anus, Batman Ben enlists the help of Nasty Woman, Ashley Judd to kidnap the happy family of Jennifer Phoenix and children.
Immediately President Trump signals on Twitter, JP: HELP: DT, and immediately Joaquin Phoenix takes command of the B2 Bombers of America, and personally flying his own F 35 fighter, leads the command where he personally drops Joaquin Bombs, specially designed bombs to eradicate all who are not fond of Truth, Justice and the American Way, and those who do not appreciate the great talent of Joaquin Phoenix.
The bombing obliterates all of California sedition and Joaquin Phoenix personally unloads Rosie O'Donnell as a fat bomb, which obliterates Nasty Woman.
Unfortunately when Joaquin Phoenix unloads his fat bomb, the weight adjustment is too much and the F 35 pitches and Joaquin Phoenix must parachute to Batman territory, where he lands at Wayne Manor, where Batman Ben is throwing a party for Muslim Invaders.
In a hail of gunfire and gore, a fight from hell, a scene as horrendous as Madonna's nethers, Joaquin Phoenix with his Colt 45's blazing, fights his way to the Mansion, with a protective shield of lead, and and picks up David Letterman, rips his leg off and beats 100,000 Muslim terrorists to death.
In an epic chase, Batman Ben flees in the Bat Mobile with Joaquin Phoenix on his trail riding the Bat Cycle.
On Golden Gate Bridge Joaquin Phoenix catches Batman Ben, and they fight their way to the top of the bridge, and plunge into the troubled waters below, where a Great White Shark awaits to attack Joaquin Phoenix, but Joaquin Phoenix, punches the shark and as Batman Ben makes his way to shore, Joaquin Phoenix throws the shark like an arrow, and engulfs Batman Ben in a shark cell of razor sharp teeth.
Commissioner Gordon arrives with Robin, and they take Batman away to be rehabilitated by listening to Joaquin Phoenix rock and roll, and being made to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
With the credits rolling, Jennifer and the children say, "Why can not all men be like you?" Joaquin Phoenix then says, "They all could if they just tried".
At which point, Matt Damon appears and says, Mr. Phoenix, can I be your friend?"
"NO", Joaquin Phoenix says and orders ICE to arrest Matt Damon, for impersonating an American.
Yes, a Lame Cherry production and creation, Batman vs. Joaquin Phoenix, SALVATION BATMAN.
Seriously realize, what a disaster Batman has been since the great Adam West left the role, and what Batman would have been like if the great Joaquin Phoenix had starred in this series for the past decades, compared to the horrid ensemble and now with Ben Affleck having killed the franchise.