PAPER: Chelsea Clinton Last ThingParty Needs...
As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
I was afraid that it would come to this, in America witnessing the suave, sophisticated and gorgeous Ivanka Trump, that democrats would immediately push ugly Chelsea Clinton to the side in a coup, as Americans are just crooked out over the Clintons and their lies.
Look, when you look at the Clinton's you are looking at the white people who politically birthed the black folk in Barack Hussein Obama which destroyed America, and Chelsea being a bitch weed at the Clinton Foundation espousing a semblance of a soul, just does not put it over the top.
For that reason, the Lame Cherry, always seeking to help all lame ducks and down and outers, has this advice for the Chelsea at heart. The Lame Cherry says, "Run Chelsea Run", do not be run out of the leadership your parents raped and whored for. Fight for it Chelsea, and here is how you do it.
See the thing is the Chelsea brand can never compete with the Ivanka brand. It is ugly to pretty, it is chaos to serenity, it is horse face to kitty cat. Mind you horses have pretty faces, but are not meant to be on women like Muchelle Obama and Chelsea Clinton.
So the advice of the Lame Cherry is we got to rebrand Chelsea Clinton. She aint ever gonna be pretty and she aint ever gonna be someone people will vote for, so we got to Lame Cherry rebrand Chelsea.
The first thing the Lame Cherry advises Chelsea Clinton is for her to find a lesbian, a small, ugly and butch cut one she is sure to be able beat up, and Chelsea Clinton needs to beat that lezbo up. She needs to drag her out of the bar, into the mean streets and throw down on that dyke. Rip her shirt off, kick her, thrown some nice jabs and when she is done, make certain CNN is recording and shout out:
"You Goddamned lesbians, I hate all your kind as you walk around like cocks in pretending to be men, when Chelsea Clinton is all woman and I don't need a cock or balls to get things done!"
Next Chelsea Clinton gets invited on Anderson Cooper and when Anderson gets fag on her being girly, Chelsea pulls out her taser and blasts the queer, gets on him and slaps him around and calls out:
"You Goddamned faggots, my ovaries got more balls than you, and I can feel this pansy's cock swelling because he wants a real woman, but like all you queers I hate your pathetic search to be women!"
With that done, Chelsea Clinton starts buying guns, buys and RV, shoots bullets at the Sean Hannity moon and blows through Gordon Duff Ohio where it is sport to touch a few rounds off at Mosques.
Chelsea Clinton then stops at Wright Patterson Air Force Base, gets out, slaps every reporter she sees with a soaked pad and announces:
"My father was a rapist. He should have had his balls cut off. My mother is a rapist and I should have been aborted at birth. I am Webb Hubbell's biological daughter, and us Hubbells do it different. I would shove that Hillary Clinton reset button up her ass and sell that Goddamned Muslim Huma Abedin to Yemeni terrorists for the flat backer whore she is!"
Next Chelsea Clinton appears in Texas, with her own Class III automatic Ma Deuce 50 caliber BMG bolted to the roof of her RV, and she opens up on the border on all those wetbacks and says:
"I hate you Goddamned beaners. I don't need no Trump Wall, as we got Chelsea's Curtain of Lead. I love the sight of dead Mexicans bloating in the sun!!!"
Yes this is Chelsea Clinton rebranded.
Chelsea Hubbell next announces:
I am taking back my birth name of Hubbell.
I am taking back my Democratic Party.
I am going to make Trump America Great Again, and then I am not going to burn my bra, but burn traitors at the stake!!!
This is how Chelsea Clinton does business. She goes leather and laces those whining snowflakes with lead. She terrorizes terrorists. She orders law and order. She puts the gay back into the closet and she puts the Putin into Clinton.
Chelsea Clinton attends the San Diego zoo, and just does not pet the lion, she whips out her tit and suckles a baby mountain gorilla. When PETA appears protesting, she gets on a Ringling elephants and chases PETA into the sea. When some liberal mouths off to Chelsea Hubbell, she gets on her horse, lassos the son of a bitch and in Chelsea Court Law West of the Mississippi she gives the rat bastard a lamp post for a necktie.
Chelsea Clinton has a great political future ahead of her, if she just gets out of the granite gulag of New York and goes west, and unleashes her inner ovaries. She needs to go to the whip on the coddled queer, Muslim and green. She needs to the woman that Vladimir Putin could never be. She needs to be Chelsea Hubbell Law and Order, and she needs to lay down the law and put her orders into play.
So what if the police state tries to indict Chelsea. A little of that never hurt Adolf Hitler or Bill Ayers one bit, nor either of her parents. She needs some ovary brawn and she must make those snowfreaks cry. She needs to make those liberals fear her like they did LBJ.
That is the spot on advice for Chelsea Clinton. She needs to make the Chelsea brand burned into the American psyche, and when the time comes she needs to knock down the #NeverTrump and take a piss on their faces on the sidewalk. No one messes with Chelsea Clinton as come Monday morning she begins training with Chuck Norris and Sean Hannity, her new drinking buddies, because Chelsea Clinton only hangs around with real men.
No one messes with Chelsea Clinton!!!