Hollywood Needs Only One Star
Hollywood Has Only One Star
Joaquin Phoenix, the Man, the Legend, the Star
As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
The following is a movie review of the waste of hundreds of millions of dollars and millions of hours of people's lives in bad movies, where the fix, in every case is obvious in they should have starred Joaquin Phoenix.
Image Joaquin Phoenix starring in 1973, a year before he was born, as a safe cracking egg and a gun toting sperm, replacing Sean Connery in the Anderson Tapes. What a blockbuster that would have been.
The following are some of the worst movies ever and how even Charles Bronson and Chuck Norris could not save them, but it would have taken Joaquin Phoenix to not only save them, but each would have then won Golden Globes to Oscars in being monuments to the acting industry.
Universal Soldier
Starring Jean Claude Van Damme
Pros: Absolutely none.
Cons: Absolutely the entire movie.
Fix: Joaquin Phoenix should have starred with Mia Sara, who I kept hoping would appear, as Dr. Phoenix joining President Sara, against a rogue computer, trying to impregnate women to create a race of cyborgs, as JCVD was beat up as a decomposing dead soldier and his body parts fell off.
Into the Sun
Starring Steven Seagal
Pros: Excellent directing, acting and performance from Steven Seagal. The Japanese cast was phenomenal.
Cons: Mr. Seagal was too quiet in dialogue as he patterned the Japanese culture.
Fix: There is not any fixing this movie as Steven Seagal captured perfectly the Japanese culture with all respect. He is was a perfect director in this, as much as the action sequences were phenomenal. In being in charge, even with his large size, he did not overshadow the other actors, which reveals a great deal of security in Mr. Seagal.
Yes Joaquin Phoenix would have made this movie too good. This was a very good Japanese story and this is Mr. Seagal's best movie.
Last Action Hero
Starring: Arnold Schwartzenegger
Pros:
Cons:
Fix:
The Russian Specialist
Starring Dolf Lundgren
Pros: Dolf Lundgren is a great second unit director in he knows how to make people die, and is a pro at blood splatter.
Cons: Dolf Lundgren is a horrid director who makes tought guys look gay in riding tandem on motorcycles.
Fix: They should have hired Joaquin Phoenix to play the Russian mobster, and had Joaquin Phoenix hire all the women to do sex scenes with and not sex scenes with as he as perfect taste in women.
Stone Killer
Starring Charles Bronson
Pros: Charles Bronson. The writing in the "one liners" was fabulous in the first half of the program. The show tanked after Martin Balsam started having scenes and the fags showed up.
Cons: Martin Balsam who is Jewish playing an Italian. Fags being faggots.
Fix: They should have hired Joaquin Phoenix to play an Italian mobster who wiped out everyone, including John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy and Teddy Kennedy.
Silent Rage
Starring Chuck Norris, Ron Silver
Pros: Chuck Norris' manly breasts. Female breasts. Chuck Norris kicking bad guys.
Cons: Chuck Norris' manly breasts, horrid casting, horrid directing and horrid storyline
Fix: Joaquin Phoenix should have written the script and starred as the Frankenstein doctor in a real horror picture, of a cult of zombie, sent out to rule Arizona to make Donald Trump president, as Chuck Norris turned it into Norris Chainsaw Massacre.
Shamus
Starring Burt Reynolds, Dyan Cannon
Pros: Dyan Cannon, burning people alive to rob them of diamonds and John Glover
Cons: Burt Reynolds, Burt Reynolds and Burt Reynolds.
Fix: The starring role, the writing, the directing, the casting and the money should have all been handed over to Joaquin Phoenix.
The Anderson Tapes
Starring Sean Connery, Dyan Cannon, introducing Christopher Walken
Pros: Dyan Cannon and introducing Christopher Walken
Cons: Sean Connery, faggots, smearing Nixon and Quincy Jones pathetic score which was single notes of music twanged out.
This movie started out well in the first half in movement, but simply died when Dyan Cannon announced she did not want Sean Connery's cock in her body anymore as he would pay for the pleasure.
The fix in this movie was simple in Christopher Walken should have killed Sean Connery in real life, on screen, then taken over, made Dyan Cannon rich in the heist, and they would have run off in all happiness as Martin Balsam the faggot was shot to pieces by the police.
agtG
