As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
The problem with marriage is that everyone learns relationships from their parents, good and bad qualities and brings those expecations and bias into marriage and places them on the other person. Marriage instead of being an adult thing of responsibilty is instead based first in sex and lust, ignoring what your faults are and the other person's faults, and is something practiced at, instead of nurtured.
It is an easy thing to love someone when everything is going good, it is an entire another thing when things are going badly and you are either furious or depressed, and discover you are still alone in the world.
Husbands have a duty, I repeat that word DUTY as that is what marriage is, a contract. Men who would never hedge on a contract over money, will constantly place a woman in a position that she needs to fulfill the man's role of leadership, and it is why women find a new man who will take leadership, but usually find out the aggressive male is the psychotic and out cheating, so women end up resenting men for cheating or being door mats.
The best memoir I ever read about life was Benjamin Franklin, as his early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise advice is the same in marriage. Husbands who are successful are the greatest longsuffering diplomats in the world, because they follow Jesus mandate TO LOVE THEIR WIVES.
Husbands always find out that the warm and alluring wife, takes on these personas of mood swings and ideas which make absolutely no sense. Husbands are in most cases a dart board for wives, where they take the venting the wife dishes out in dealing with life, and then later in Franklin terms, address the issue calmly and wisely, where the wife listens as women know to their core what they are doing, but they simply can not help it.
Time helps, but women too often marry for lists of things they want in a husband, instead of weighing who the man is, and think they can make something out of the man. It is a more ready solution to simply find a man who does not need the additional fixing, not focus on the lists as much, and as in the case of arranged marriages, learn to respect the husband in adoring him in time, as he has earned it, and a wife soon learns that the intelligent wife can help her husband achieve greater things which benefit her, if she is building that fragile ego, instead of tearing it down for control.
The real success in marriage is Christianity. The Holy Ghost is involved from the start, and that means treating your future bride with respect, instead of a place to get off on your lusts. Sex runs out as do looks. A husband needs a woman who he can trust. A woman who will be there for him, be there for their children and be there in their aging years. You do not find that in a sex act. Sex has it's place in marriage as unifing action and for procreation. Sex is not something that any man gets a "use for free card" as like all things a husband is a part of, it is all duty.
To Husbands
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Col. 3:19
Husbands are placed by God in a position of authority and with that authority, comes responsibility. A wife is after Christ your first priority in tending and nurturing her. Too many men put more attention into golf clubs, smart phones or television than their wife. Marriage is not a partnership. Marriage is each person bring 150% to a marriage, and bringing even more when their spouse has a problem in holding up their end.
The Holy Ghost is the most important Person in a marriage. Marriages in God have the peace, the longevity and the best sex. A woman appreciates a strong man. It is a comfort to them to know they have someone they can always count on.
Men are far too irresponsible in they choose women who are not suited to them. They go for appearance, instead of substance. They never once look at the women they are dating parent's as that is in most cases what they are going to get. Under stress, that is who is going to come out, and in most cases every flaw daddy had is going to be looked for in the husband and brought up. The first requirement of a husband is to be an adult in thoughtfully finding a woman who is one of substance and quality and then requesting to court her in showing her why you are interested in the long term. If she is not interested she will tell you, and there is zero logic in wasting time chasing someone who will never appreciate you, as that marriage will be a burden and fall apart in most cases.
Your wife expects qualities from you. You in early courtship make it known that you have expectations in the virtues of her too. Getting your husband and wife duties understood before God before marriage is an absolute necessity, or you are going to have two people jockying for power and control and that never works as bartered marriages always leave the other person looking for a better deal.
The following from St. Peter is one of the mysteries of marriage in God, between a Christian man and a Christian woman, as husband and wife. The interactions taking place in a marriage, affects the Spiritual relationship with God. Jesus teaches by the same Holy Ghost revelation that wherever two are gathered together, there He will be. The same reality is that if a husband is not nurturing his wife, she is going to be resentful, and she will not be fully supporting in the prayers as she is feeling let down, and the husband knowing his wife is not supporting him completely due to his failings of her, will not have the same self assurance in bringing requests to God...........and God looking at this union in His Name, will say, "These two are not ready for more affluence or more status in their lives, because the limited things they have now are exposing they are not ready for greater things, which would only destroy them.
Duty is what a husband is required, to God and his wife. God has joined the two together, men are not allowed to put asunder and a husband is not allowed to weaken a marriage apart from within.
I Peter 3 :7
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Nuff Said
agtG
