As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
There is one glaring wound which has been infused into the Spirit in me and that is an education that none of us are God. Yes the hardened mind has already moved beyond those few words without unpacking them, but how many of you has God loved so much to teach you the severest lessons of which wound the Spirit in us and forever teaches us?
When I was a teenager, a loud mouthed bus driver started driving our route. He lured the children out to talk with him. One day, and I had waited until he was at a stop sign so as not to distract him, that I yelled something at him. He looked up and took off and unknown to me a car was coming and one of my friends said they actually braked and turned their vehicle sideways. To this the driver started yelling at me that I had almost caused an accident.
Yes I had almost caused an accident, but in this who started this but the adult? Who took off without looking? I had been prudent in waiting to gain his attention, but he had not. He instead of taking responsibility for his error, chose to be a small man and blame the kid.
I swore I would never speak to him again and I never did. I learned a horrifying lesson of life. I knew that if I had caused those people's death that I never would have gotten over it, and I would have let myself be blamed as other adults had blamed me for things I was innocent of. I have learned in the hardest of impossible situations in my being carried by Christ, that God saved me from the consequences of my failures, in order to continue His work through me. I carry these things in me and they have formed me to be more careful to the extreme to not make mistakes, and yet this is life, not some chess game with rules. Most times in life, people pull a gun and blow your rook off the board as life does not follow the rules. You can not quite the game as it is life. You simply play the game without your pieces and try and make moves more carefully.
These past years I have had some really hard lessons. Some I have to struggle with and in most cases I place the struggle here to try and teach others to know they are not alone in how hard life is. Often though there are real asses who see those things as weaknesses, store them up, and then attack with them, thinking they can not be alone in their affliction if they can make me hurt too.
My brother was a shallow boy his entire life. He offended me to the point before his death, that I wrote him off as I was not going to deal with his lack of caring. He was a textbook case study in why God does not give most people any responsibility or assets. After the mother died, he appeared here and got so drunk and started whining to TL about his hurts from our parents, that when he passed out I wondered if he was going to die from alcohol poisoning. I informed him the next morning that, that was not ever going to happen again.
We had been put through hell in the mother's bullshit and I was dealing with her death yet in another Spirit wounding reality of a person put into the situation which was impossible where only God should be as humans can not deal with the consequences. The reality is the mother was dying. My siblings had abandoned her. She had no money, I had no money, so doing my Christian duty, we took on the care of this woman. She was horrid to us.
I knew in Spirit and pure medical diagnosis that her heart was giving out. If a pacemaker was installed, she would have lingered as other organs failed. I knew when she broke her hip years before that she should have died then, as that was nature's way of sending a message. Instead she had fluid problems in her legs, and she had to move around to reduce the fluid, but had to be made to do this. I had inquired on this and knew she had about 3 months left in this world and those 3 months would have been in a nursing home, drugged out to sedate her in order to keep control of her. Literally, I probably would have died if it had gone on longer as TL and I were both sick from a cold brought on from fatigue as she had us up all night "having to go to the bathroom" which she did not have to do.
So the day she died, she was being stubborn again, but I got her up and moving for a walk as she had to have that fluid reduced as we had gotten it drained, but her legs were swelling up again. As we got to the end of the driveway, I hesitated in wondering if I should take her further as she was complaining all the time. I have had this happen before in I get impulses from God, and this time it was from God to keep going, so we continued the walk.
The walk involved me telling her again she was not a smart as her games were in trying to manipulate us, as her not walking the past summer got her to this degraded state and in this she had tried to break TL and I up. It was unpleasant as she began with fake puffing. To understand this, you had to know that she would lay in bed, and not want to do errands in town. She would be breathing normally, but as soon as I appeared, she would be begin puffing as a sign that she was out of breath. It was nuts but the type of things we were subjected to.
So she was fake puffing, so I told her that if she was that out of shape we were going to walk further to bluff her. She then started holding her breath in one of those old people acting like children manifestations. That was stopped and we got back to the mailbox to check the mail. It was then that she said she thought she was going to faint. I told her to breathe through it, and with that she died in my arms. I know that this was God working things out to literally save us from her as she did not deserve a blessed end. She would have lingered and died in tortured death. It worked out for the best, but while my brother whined about a slight our mother had given him, my world was of hell for years in caring for her, her abuse, and my last moments were in the most unpleasant of interactions with a parent. God always knows what he was doing, but I was there when both of my parents died and it was a horrendous wounding.
I have mentioned my mother in she was vile. She did not belong in Heaven and I could not figure out why she was there, as I could feel her and she felt like this psychic scream as darkness does not belong in Light. These are lessons I have from God. They are impossible and wrenching. I have learned in these things that you can not change people for the good in you. I have a Gift in being able to move people from hell to Heaven, and have done it in believing for them. I have refrained from doing this mostly as most people do not belong in Heaven. That is not every case as I have been engaged recently in a person I barely knew who we had talked to in a store which shut down and he was not hired anywhere else, and I suspect he committed suicide. He was not a darkness, so I became involved in this once again, as I would rather become in regret than not make the effort. Life is not the end of trying sometimes. That is my unique Gift and not the burden of others.
I have related my brother being a prick. He gained a few acres of land in the mother's death, and suddenly he was a "Landowner" who would not associate with trash like me, but only people with money.
So he was vaxed, got VANCERS and died. Yes he texted me with a "things do not look good" but how he couched it was wanting to pay me money he owed me. Yes that was the bait. I did not take it, and told TL that he probably had cancer, yes I do get insights. So he is dying, I prayed him out fast, sent my Uncle to help him cross over and my return in this goodness was his showing up after he died, and was upset he was dead and "I had what he wanted". Holy Angles hauled his ass to Heaven to end this no good deed goes unpunished.
I apologized to my dead Uncle for exposing him to this klusterfuck. It never occurred to me that anyone would not be delighted to be out of this world and to see people you loved and to be with Jesus. He though was someone who did not want Jesus coming back as he had things he wanted to do yet. Yeah and how many people were destroyed in that selfish delay, so he could do his thing.
Nothing in this life is easy for real Christians. We are exposed to things that people should not be exposed to in there are no do overs. This is what God is for, but God apparently desires to teach us how unprepared and how we are never meant to be Him. It is humbling and it stays with a person.
This is the realm of the few and it separates out those who claim to be Spiritual Warriors, when the fact is if they tried that satan would kick their ass in moments and break them. Most people can not even deal with their own problems and are a disaster in helping others.
For me, I long for a Heaven with a quiet waters, the shade of trees, green grass and a reunion with all my animals which I have imparted to. I look forward to see the animals I have fished, hunted, trapped as they are mine too in the workings of God's plan.
I have had enough of the celebrity experience, have had enough of being an adult entrusted with the lives of others and being responsible for them. I do the work God gives, keep taking the hits and my focus is on Christ and to be delivered from all of this. It is why God talks to me and God works through me, as I want no part of this as this is impossible and not meant for humans.
There is no bragging in this, only sorrow. When the Bible says Jesus was a man of sorrows, that is something no one pays attention to as they lust for all the power and glory. I do not want power nor do I desire glory. I got my ass handed to me when I got to thinking I could handle things. I was humiliated and I will not make that mistake again.
Every person is living out there chosen purpose in why they came here. They were shown the options and chose what appealed to them. Most choices end in eternal death. I ponder the choices left when I was there, in either I am the biggest gung ho dumb ass ever or there were only crapper options left.
All of us though are Peter, thinking we can walk on water and being fast with the sword, and end up being shown how much we deny Christ.
I do hope that my part in pulling this all down for the return of Christ will be amplified by Christ as all of this evil can not stand. I'm better at pulling down than building up. Probably why my harshest lessons are about how easy it is to pull things down.
Nuff Said
agtG
