I need to enjoy myself today, and that means delving into a past where all the assholes in the world dumb as shit died.
I can vision no more pleasurable thing than that, a landscape strewn with the skeletons of idiots as dogs break the bones for gnawing, as a mix of sunshine air is mixed with earthen corpse. Oh to have such a world of God threshed dead. Idiots galore, dead from not knowing not to talk to foreign troops, not knowing to stay away from others with guns, not knowing that an animal will kill you.
Think of it, cold freezing dolts, heat frying dupes and snow burying stupes and rivers washing away retardios. All that natural selection, and those smart asses of just yesterday, all laying vacant eye staring to the skies as flies lay maggot eggs in their open orifices.
Such a good life, such a welcome silence. Such commerce in being able to spoil all the accumulated idiot wealth which was accumulated from all the service I performed.
Yes it will all be so much a repeat of that American counting the dead at New Orleans much to the disgust of the beaten British.
Now for some words of wisdom from the Prairie Traveler, now long dead, but so much existential experience to glean.
For example my ravenous children:
The most portable and simple preparation of subsistence that I know of, and which is used extensively by the Mexicans and Indians, is called "cold flour." It is made by parching corn, and pounding it in a mortar to the consistency of coarse meal; a little sugar and cinnamon added makes it quite palatable. When the traveler becomes hungry or thirsty, a little of the flour is mixed with water and drunk. It is an excellent article for a traveler who desires to go the greatest length of time upon the smallest amount of transportation. It is said that half a bushel is sufficient to subsist a man thirty days.
Better than sex pictures on the net, what not eh?
How about this gem my babies:
In Africa oxen are used as saddle animals, and it is said that they perform good service in this way. This will probably be regarded by our people as a very undignified and singular method of locomotion, but, in the absence of any other means of transportation upon a long journey, a saddle-ox might be found serviceable.
Andersson, in his work on Southeastern Africa, says: "A short, strong stick, of peculiar shape, is forced through the cartilage of the nose of the ox and to either end of this stick is attached (in bridle fashion) a tough leathern thong. From the extreme tenderness of the nose he is now more easily managed." "Hans presented me with an ox called 'Spring,' which I afterward rode upward of two thousand miles. On the day of our departure he mounted us all on oxen, and a curious sight it was to see some of the men take their seats who had never before ridden on ox-back. It is impossible to guide an ox as one would guide a horse, for in the attempt to do so you would instantly jerk the stick out of his nose, which at once deprives you of every control over the beast; but by pulling both sides of the bridles at the same time, and toward the side you wish his to take, he is easily managed.*
*A ring instead of the stick put through the cartilage so the nose would obviate this difficulty. --AUTHOR.
Sure, ah hah!!!! I fed you for a month and I saved your shoes too boot in teaching you how to ride thousands of miles on a castrated bovine......and I tell you if you can traing them to lay down, you got yourself on big ass heating pad to keep your warm at night.
That is That is from the Lame Cherry........ye ha my pilgrims, and you waste your time with Insiders who couldn't satisfy a sheep with a good woodie.
Where was I?
The inhabitants of Pembina, on Red River, work a single ox harnessed in shafts like a horse, and they transport a thousand pounds in a rude cart made entirely of wood, without a particle of iron. One man drives and takes the entire charge of eight and ten of these teams upon long journeys. This is certainly a very economical method of transportation.
Yes and you thought WTF meant Welcome to Fargo!!!!
There are many indications of water known to old campaigners, although none of them are absolutely infallible. The most certain of them are deep green cottonwood or willow trees growing in depressed localities; also flags, water-rushes, tall green grass, etc
Now you are watered and will not dehydrate, but you must might die of the beaver shits as for the bugs in the water.
I was present upon one occasion when an Indian child was struck in the fore finger by a large rattlesnake. His mother, who was near at the time, seized him in her arms, and, placing the wounded finger in her mouth, sucked the poison from the puncture for some minutes, repeatedly spitting out the saliva; after which she chewed and mashed some plantain leaves and applied to the wound. Over this she sprinkled some finely-powdered tobacco, and wrapped the finger up in a rag. I did not observe that the child suffered afterward the least pain or inconvenience. The immediate application of the remedies probably saved his life.
....and all you were wasting your time with the talking heads. No Surgeon General's warning on that tobacco cure I bet.
Enough of this, as I can not afford to be saving all of you from rigormortis. I have grande plans in all of this, riding around on my ox, doing the sign of the cross for the dead skeletons, popping off a round at a cranium and then laughing with contented joy over all of them bones owners roasting away in hell as some canine crunches upon them.
Such a reckoning all for the audience of the few performed by the many.
Lame Cherry
agtG
