As another Lame Cherry moment which are far too few.
I wanted to say thank you to those who know this is meant for. I am uncomfortable as having experienced what I have in my formative years, I saw no value in me, and it was easier to become a product of the borderlands, where I existed doing what I did in not needing a following to convince I was right or to enjoy the things I did.
TL has transformed me a great deal, as I hid a great part of who I was, in I learned to hide by disguise to not be noticed in plain sight. You would be surprised how little people notice certain types of people by dress or uniform of trade.
I have always had God's Holy Spirit in me, so I naturally could feel things more than others, and that was really hurtful and confusing as emotions being read in others is not always what the logical mind conclusion is. For most people, they have never gotten over the terror of coming out of that warm dark womb, into a bright cold light with someone slapping you, and the only place things were of comfort was hiding under a mother's breast.
I could read that cold scream of confusion most had, and I always thought people hated me when it was they were just still suffering from wombshock.
So it was easier to just not get hurt and turn everything off in withdrawing as I could not go anywhere without reading people. Since TL I focus more on the Tiger Lily, so I do not feel others unless I focus, but things come off of TL which is in TL's life.
It is like something which will appear here in a bit, in someone died in the neighborhood and I believe I could honestly feel them moving about. Death is a great deal for people to understand sometimes and all of this is sometimes a great deal for me to process, especially when being screamed at.
This will not make sense as I sit in the library, but I will have to live 4 lives in the next few weeks which I do not know if I am capable of, as one of me has been more than enough. I desire you to know though that I appreciate your support and friendship in those who have. I know I am not worthy and I am more worried about each of you, as I am not worth worrying about.
It will be strange, but as I have a little world, I have taken great interest in a few things mentioned in lime seeds and apple seeds sprouting. TL had an orange Philippine lime which I do not know the name of now, but it produced fruit and then died. That upset me, so I planted like 5 seeds and two somethings came up, which I did not know if they were weeds or what. I am convinced now that this is citrus as it has the extended leaf on it and looks waxy. New life always pleases me.
One moment as I am in the library and some white mother has her mentally handicapped Asian child wandering about here and she is now across from me staring as the Mum is now just coming to fetch her back. I assume the teenager is autistic and I am moved to pray that God sets her free, as she seems much more appealing than the grumpy frumpy Mum.
But for the Grace of God go I eh? There is little difference between genius, Inspiration, Wisdom and the idiot savant, functioning sociopath or those with paranoid schizophrenia.
My mistake, as this was a special education class apparently on outing.
Odd what not eh, that the one locked in her mind, was drawn to come stare at me, in all she sensed I was in my disguise.
Today I have on jeans, a grey t shirt and a rummage sale shirt which is sort of army canvas that looks like the woman washed it wrong or something large ate it, got digestive fluid on it and vomited it back up. I like it as it is warm, and the influenza candidate gal in back of me has on black running shorts as she apparently has sold herself to the educational slave ship, as she will work her pretty off to old lady lines, as her blossom of health, becomes either replaced knees from too much exercise or a body just enjoying making large indentations in recliners.
It is an odd thing, in I know the answers to the big questions, but for the little things in my life in how to make that dollar arrive in Obama inflation, that is the difficult part.
I do thank you though for what you give, even if I feel guilt about it and wonder over how I do not deserve goodness. I guess I should heed my lecture at TL a few days ago in just accepting it is not about deserving goodness, but receiving it, as God is Love and God works through people in ways no one can ever earn that sort of kindness.
With humble heart, I bless each of you in the Name of the Living God, for your goodness, that it return to you a thousand fold, your charity covers up a multitude of sins, and that you will be rewarded in this world and the next in Christ.
I do wonder what those gifted children see in me who are mentally retarded. The autistic ones always see through my disguise so easily and stare at me. Perhaps they are the ones who really see and are the ones who are free.
God bless you and thank you again for you.
agtG
