As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
I want to apologize to Nat if he did not intend for me to answer his questions here, but in all of this worthless McCain stuff, I finally have something which matters and can help all of us by Holy Ghost Inspired teaching.
The questions Nat asks are important as they deal with God providing a marriage partner which is on numbers of peoples minds as it was on mine until the miracle of TL. What I am moved to answer in following this note is what Nat begins with in all of us can hear the Word, but unless we are working to perform those instructions which God requires none of us are righteous or right standing with God.
We all have weaknesses and we all have doubts. I am in a horrid battle over a home of our own, but we can never give up.
When TL and I first were talking, I mentioned to TL the reality of life. "Every person knows from the first moment they meet someone if they intend to be married or are moving away from marriage." Either people are serious or they are not serious. Most people are hedging hoping someone else will come along.
From what I have learned is relationships are work. There are not days in which you give 90 percent, and the other person 10, but it changes from moment to moment. Love or the correct word in CARING is about helping the other person when they need that 90 or 150% and never keeping score in resentment.
The Holy Ghost has me live by this rule and that is I have enough faults of my own without looking for another person's faults. I keep my eye on God in fixing me and it is not my project to mould anyone into what I think they should be. That is between God and them. All I can do is my best. All I can do is be there for someone when they need me as that is what I want to do.
I like doing things for TL even when I do not feel like doing them, and TL does things for me when TL is going through the same thing. Relationships are up close and exposed vulnerable emotions. People are hurt very easily, and an always apology and working things out before sleeping is the only way to proceed.
LC,
Your post, That Spiritual Will, is hitting me hard right in the heart. I gave up praying for a wife many moons ago due to the fact that I felt that I have asked so many times and the God knows what I need. Recently Romans 2:13 hit me square in the eyes.
For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.
Now I am hoping that I can learn to externalize these prayers and rest in the patience of Yeshua to allow the Holy Spirit to bring it to fruition. Am I wrong to try? I want guidance before I open doors in fear that I may be blinded by pride and loneliness. I have recently met a young woman that has a strong faith and I want to hope I can return to the mentality of courtship rather than dating. She deserves this. She doesn't deserve half-assed toe-dipping. Any prayers or advice you can send would be greatly appreciated. I know I ask a lot and have yet to return a fair amount for the blessings Christ has brought me through your work. I just want out of these trenches and back on the battlefield.
Regards,Nat
I am going to preface a story I am going to tell by stating people looking for marriage have to be an adult about things. That means you only start courting an adult. It does not work if one of you is the adult and the other is not mature enough to handle situations.
My brother is a case in point in he thinks he is still Mr. Macho and not a bald fat man. I have suggested good women he should marry, but they do not measure up to his shallow views. His first wife was a conniving bitch and his last hook up was a tattoo hussy who was lying to him. If he would have listened to me, he would still be married to a solid woman, have a good home, normal children and be happy. As stated, I see women who would be perfect for him, but I am not going to saddle those poor gals with him as he is still the same juvenile who is self centered and thinks if he makes someone happy that fixes everything.
The story is this I read in Readers Digest. There was an island in the south seas and a reporter was sitting there and kept hearing about the most beautiful woman on the island, and finally met her husband in the cafe. The husband told the story of how he obtained his wife for 12 goats.
12 goats might seem a degrading courtship, but wives on the island went for 3 goats mostly, and some went for chickens if they were not the top rung. The husband said, "You know though when I started courting my wife, everyone knew I could get her for two goats and some chickens".
The reporter was astounded as he had seen this beautiful woman.........the reality was though when the husband started courting her, she was not that attractive. The man knew though how much he loved this girl, and he also knew if he paid some cheap price for her, she would always feel like cheap goods. So when the greatest price ever paid was 8 goats long ago, he produced 12 goats and his homely wife, blossomed into a beautiful woman, because someone believed in her, and by that she believed in herself, and the real beauty came out.
It is the most intimate of things which people want and that is how when you find someone who is solid, who will treat you right, that you will help them believe in themselves so they can become all they can be, in trusting you. That is what this is about is you have to start with someone who values those necessary character traits of honesty, belief, hope and love, because if you start courting people who think they are going to trade up or who are going to be dishonest with you, your efforts will break apart in time.
The dearest couple we know are Richard and Stephanie. Their love and caring is genuine as they are genuine. They are beautiful people in a most ugly world. Life is not a bed of roses, but their treasure is each other and they protect that treasure always.
You can tell a great deal about who your spouse will be, by looking at their parents. It is not all the time as TL and I had disasters for parents, but in that TL and I both work to never be like them, so we are on the same mission to not make the same mistakes we saw growing up and we never take each other for granted.
It was really hard on both of us in bad associations, because we were not supposed to be with those other people, and we thought it was us. It was a most long and longsuffering wait, but in the years we have been together in the brier patch, I do not think we have been apart for more than few hours in all that time. I like being around TL and TL likes being around me. As I type this, TL is across from me reading a book. It is as George and Libby Custer in he would send around for her if she was gone for more than a couple of hours.
That brings us to the forbidden fruit part. No sex before marriage. You honor the woman and keep that in the place where the Holy Ghost will bless that physical transcendence to the Spiritual. People who base relationships on sex are in trouble, because the sex runs out, but intimacy and respect never run out, which is far more alluring in a marriage.
In relationships you cherish a woman. That means every moment of her. If she does something for you, this is a gift and you adore her for it. As this began, you make her feel like the center of your universe with God and she will respond if she is meant for you.
Of course, it is the adult reality in you do not cast your pearls before someone who is not going to appreciate you.
I told TL from the start I was interested and TL was interested in me. I know the game players say you can not do that as it gives the other person the upper hand, but I was serious and not playing games. I wanted a spouse and TL knew it, that I wanted TL in that place. It is a point in the word COURTSHIP. You tell a Christian woman from the start that you are interested in courting her in proving you will be the best husband, in the speech of being there for her always, and you could think of nothing more thrilling than always coming home to her, and your family, and she will be in the serious mode. Most women will tell you right then and there if they are interested or not to not waste your time, but if you admire someone, tell them you admire them and why, and then the courting begins.
As things progress, pay attention to things which you are going to have to deal with that you are not thrilled about, as you are not going to change the person. That is what marriage is. In that, I recommend that before marriage you do things together, play games together and be alone together for several days. You will discover who the real person is and they will find out who you are in sweating in labor, competition and being alone when things are not going well.
I have one more rule and it is you keep your mouth shut when things happen in tense situations. Nothing good comes from second guessing, knowing it all and having solutions. You will pay for it later. Love is patient.
People who get married because they need someone are approaching marriage wrong. You have to be at least a deck with most of the cards for the other person, and not expecting the other person to fill in with their cards to your deck. That is what I meant by being an adult. Strength builds strength and you bringing a character which compliments another person, without having them lose themselves or you, is where the stability for a long term foundation rests in the Lord.
I had always thought that a person best suited to me would be quiet as I never shut up in people I am comfortable with, demure as I am a bull in a china shop and honestly I would have wanted homely as I think homely people are handsome. Instead when I met TL I had no idea what TL was and I mean what, as I had an idea TL was like that woman from Throw Mama from the Train. Yes did I have things wrong.
Once the right gender was ascertained and we started talking in letters, I began falling in love. I honestly had no idea what TL looked like for some time. In a long story short of my great wisdom of who I thought I needed, TL is gorgeous, talks as much as I do, is as stubborn, as resolute, as strong willed as myself, and I have no idea how the immovable object and the irresistible force occupy the same space, but God knew what He was building, and it is all based in caring, consideration, focusing on the other person in what is called love, but what we have is beyond love. There is not a word for it.
Nat, you are on the right start in this with God being the Author and the Holy Ghost being the unification of the two of you in time. People though have to be adults and not marry for their weaknesses, but for their strengths as this is long term in 50 plus years and TL and I figure to be bounding around Heaven for an eternity. It requires effort as all things in life which turn out pleasant do. The effort is not work when you enjoy helping to nurture the other person to be all they can be in God.
A man though must be a gentleman and a woman must be a lady. That means no abdication in forcing the woman to pull up the slack and it means the woman can not be grabbing the reigns all the time. Both have to be caring for each other and making certain that each one always knows they are with their best friend who would do anything for the other person.
People do need to know that things are expected of them in looking out for each other, heeding advice and being faithful always in never allowing the other person to doubt you. Treat the other person, the way you would like to be treated, with the addition that this is the most important person in your life, outside of God, and that is how this begins in good husbands are not made, they are worked at, and good wives are not worked at, but cherished.
Proverbs 31:10 is where it all begins with the verses that follow.
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Our Father Who numbers our days as the hairs on our heads, Nat is willing for the time of courtship for the purpose of marriage, be in this will with Your Holy Spirit to guide the courtship in nurturing and caring, for the union of two people as one, for a new creation of love to Glorify You. We commit Nat into Your Care as a Christian man whose responsibilities are to emulate Christ's love for the Church in a wife which You have have examined would be a good help meet for him, in the Name of Christ our Lord, Amen and Amen
agtG
