As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
As my mom died, we have been going through the piles of things she surrounded herself in her bedroom of nostalgia and other shit, like I found 12 bottles of aloe vera in a box. I could embalm the entire Canadian army with that and I do not think she remembered she had it.
I did though come across a letter, it was the last letter my sister wrote before she died in a car accident. I knew it existed, but in it's five pages it just seemed creepy in content by the foreshadowing of hints in it, that she was destined to die.
She mentions she was set up on a blind date, by I suppose her best friend with a guy who was going to be studying to be a mortician.
She takes a great deal of time to note that she had just purchased life insurance, before she was 21 years of age which would take place in 6 weeks,and that we would be the beneficiaries.
The date she had been on, was across state, and at the location of where she would die.
She mentioned that she would be taking a trip on Good Friday, to Houston for three days.
She said she had plenty of room in her house, and that any of us could get away from the farm and come out and see her, and stay with her.
Lastly, she closed the letter with noting the ambulance just went by, and she was glad that none of her friends had been harmed or killed.
Our lives would have been so much different if she had lived. She was our dynamic ringleader, and I always thought in the suicidal misery of my youth, that if she was alive, she would have rescued me. She would have stood up to the old man and told him it was bullshit what he was doing to me. I know this for a fact now, as she told my sister who was going to graduate that spring, to come out to stay at her house, because there were jobs always available at the state capitol, and she would be happy to have her.
After Laney died, my second oldest sister was the one we looked to, but she was absolutely feckless. She had her life and plans and the rest of us were abandoned. Without my sister it was like a roadblock existed for all of us, as mom was off her rocker and dad was worse than ever.
That though was the strangest letter of premonitions which she or us, never expected. I was telling TL of that Friday in I had just gotten my first bicycle, I had worked for, and it was warm for March, and I had gotten up early on Saturday morning to ride my bike, but my sister had died in the night, and dad always said that was one hell of a phone call to get at 2 AM from a Sheriff across state in trying to figure out what he was trying to tell him.
It is forever transfixed in my mind, riding that bike in circles, with a few snowflakes falling and melting and disappearing into the ground, just like her life was gone.
By the time we buried her it was a gale. That cemetery was a cold bitch then and the same cold bitch the day we buried mom. Never have I been at that place for funeral when it was not a miserable day.
Inside that envelop was a bill for the clothes they buried her in. It was all macabre and something out of a Tale of the Unexplained in how all the signs were there in that letter, and her accident was not an accident, but her coming destiny. I told TL it was too bad my other sister who abandoned mom had not died or both of them, as no one would have missed them, as they are loathed now.
I always thought Laney let us down, but it was the way things worked out apparently by destiny. It seems a stupid destiny in the suffering it brought all of us, especially me, as if she had lived she would have rescued me from my hell hole and guided us to where the hell we should have been, but then I would never have been here to make a difference in the people's lives I have here in giving them the relationships with God which they would not have had comfort with.
Is odd this entire night that I type this in feeling the shock waves of the matrix in all that trauma from those years ago. I was eight years old then, and it almost takes me breath away in the concussions I am picking up of those events years ago.
I just share this from my personal life as it is one of the strange mysteries in hindsight there were signs of what was coming, yet no one then knew what those signs were telling us.
Nuff Said
agtG
