As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
As all of you can be assured, the Lame Cherry is a noted protector of wildlife, so when this release from the United States Department of Interior and confirmed by news accounts appeared, the Lame Cherry has sought to cover this story in the necessity of wildlife bullying wildlife in our peaceful nature.
Reports started surfacing that in numbers of areas the past few years, that raccoon's were appearing without tails.
Is not a raccoon still a raccoon even without a tail.
This was a great mystery, and it appeared in the press with a full investigation by the FBI, into the suspect, much beloved actor, Fess Parker, who played both Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone, and was known for wearing coonskin caps, but was soon cleared, when it was discovered that Mr. Parker died a decade ago, and his corpse verified his innocence.
The Innocent Fess Parker as a beloved American Hero
Still the mystery remained and finally Secretary of the Interior Dave Bernhardt and President Donald Trump, made a public notification of this issue.
President Trump and Secretary Bernhardt appeal for a Big Foot Accord
The President reminded everyone that the FLOTUS had banned fur from the White House and the Secretary made a lengthy 30 minute appeal for all raccoons to come forward as counseling was being made available for raccoons being victimized in life in not having tails.
Strangely enough, a photo soon arrived from the Washington DC law firm of Koblitz, Mercer, Bob and Jayne, representing the American Sasquatch community and their demand to end the prejudice and bias against their Freedom to be Big Foot.
Apparently, the culprits in this are Big Foots. as noted on a wildlife website, in the large primates become restless, during the beginning of the off season in American football. It seems the Big Foots are great fans of the game, but have a propensity for being fans of teams which lose a great deal, which is why raccoons without tails appear in states like Nebraska, Minnesota and Iowa, due to the Minnesota Vikings not being in the Super Bowl, and in off years when the Steelers and Eagles are not in the Super Bowl, raccoons suffer a great deal there too.
For some reason, the Big Foot just loves tossing raccoon around. They can not get enough coon tossing. It is easy for them as raccoon are distracted in breeding season in January and February, and while the boars are mating, the Big Foot sneak up and toss the coons after whipping them around in the air several times and making a sort of grunt grunt woagh sound.
Here is the photo of a Big Foot named Wambeau, as he posed with his coon.
Wambeau
All the Big Foots desire is their freedom to toss coons around as they are disenfranchised voters. Wambeau is from Quebec and traveled to the lower 48 to appeal for the same rights in America, that the Quebecois have visited upon Sasquatch north of the border.
The problem seems to be in below freezing weather the coon tails snap off in being less elastic.
Sasquatch Expert Connie Willis
We sought comment from noted Big Foot maven, Connie Willis of Coast to George AM, but she was just west of Skinwalker Ranch in hunting the Big Foot for an interview, perhaps over this very issue, as Connie has brought so much information forward on the Big Foot, in Big Foot have other past times like seeking out pop up campers and lifting them up in the middle of the night, as a dating ritual with humans in order to impress them with their strength and gentleness.
This is a photo of Flaming Vagina Mountain, it is known by another name in White Privilege maps, but in the native tongue this is the name for the sacred ground of the Big Foot, in where they go when not lifting up pop up campers or swinging coon over their heads in recreation.
The secret domain of the Big Foot on Blazing Vagina Mountain
Surely the Big Foot plea that a raccoon is still a raccoon even without a tail, as a man is still a man even though he is bald. The raccoon have not brought forth any legal representation on this manner as some have voiced the reality that they feel like 1960's women going braless, in being without a tail has liberated them.
The Lame Cherry hopes that in the next voting that millennials will rise in the Wisdom of Solomon to provide legislation to solve this most political of issues.
AOC what is this I am hearing in you have been dating a Big Foot behind my back?
Once again, this is the Lame Cherry reporting on matter anti matter.
Nuff Said.
agtG
