About one month ago, I was on a county highway driving along, and as is typical I happened to have some graduate of Dumbass University driving along too.
When you are in my line of work, you notice things as those things keep you alive, and as I have this odd computer brain which catalogues thee most inane of unmemorable things, I just keep things in my processor as it must be an endless thing to fill up.
On that day there was a little Miss in an Isuzu Trooper tooling along on my road, all roads are mine as I'm on them, and it is my royal state to lay claim to them as as I don't like people on my roads.
In this case, Little Miss, was some brunette mop cup hair from Ohio. Now don't get me wrong, I like Ohioans for the most part as they are good natured rednecks, who just either need their asses kicked or their asses kicked as that West Virginia or Kentucky mouth gets them into trouble in they think they are brighter than the average can of beans when they are not.
So Little Miss in a world of cruise control, was driving at 63 miles per hour.........taking her time on my slightly little hilly road. These things must be explained to people who are ignorant in my road has about 3 passing areas in 20 miles, so it behooves the natives to all drive like bats out of hell.........and most of my Little Misses here drive like bats out of hell..........it snows and they flip it into 4 wheel drive at 75 and never let off putting on the make up.
Farm girls are just interesting drivers.
So Little Miss passes me or something as I don't romp on my vehicles, and she gets ahead of me, and as I like all agrarians drive faster than the speed limit, I catch little miss on her bumper in a mile.......and it just ruins me drive, because as royalty I like gawking about the countryside to see my wildlife and consider my livestock on two legs in the silly things they are doing..........and I like looking at dead coons on the road run over by trucks.
So cussing loudly, as I have no comprehension that a woman in a Trooper can not hear me 35 feet away, I note one of the agrarian types ahead in a rusty white Buick Century.........yes I know these vehicles and I always check license plates too.
So I get on Little Misses ass as she runs onto this geezer's bumper who is going 45 mph......and I gleefully call out, "Welcome to rural America bitch!", and ride her bumper in a sandwich as she frankly needs a lesson in road courtesy as none of this would have happened if she had been speeding like everyone else.
But you say, "Mr. 45 was not speeding", well of course he was not, as rural areas always have some geezers in them auditioning for the grave driving too damn slow..........you just enjoy them and blow by them on open stretches of the road.........we are courteous in our part of the countryside to geezers.
Playing in traffic was fun, in Little Miss finally found her accelerator and dusted off the geezer and I being glued to her bumper went around him too.........and to make the point, blew her doors off too, as who in the hell drives a Trooper in real America.
Interestingly Little Miss from Ohio decided to race me, but my big V just made her eat fumes in her little 4 cylinder.
The fright I hope taught this urbanite to either drive or get the hell off the road, as roads are meant to make allowances for geezers while everyone else speeds along and keeps the road clear.
Speaking of which, today, I ran up on the geezer again. My Mom was with me, and I said, "That's the Buick from a month ago", and as we were almost in the city, I popped off cruise and coasted into the lane, and noticed something most amusing about these drivers.........he only had one speed.
He drives 45 on the highway.........drove 45 in a 40 mph zone.........was still doing 45 in a 30 mph zone, and flew over the railroad tracks at 45 mph too.
I guess he was late for coffee or something as he right on red at the lights too and got out of my way, as I had a Dodge Ram eating my bumper as he too being a young agrarian was doing 45 in a 30 mile an hour zone too.
As I was finishing errands, I saw the geezers car at the clinic as I drove by.........so we know more information about our mysterious driver in speed, coffee, where he lives and he has health problems.
I enjoy geezer drivers, as I used to have an old gal named Dutch who drove in like manner, and all you could see was this little head under the steering wheel..........she died and a guy named Clayton who drove 35 mph everywhere took her place.
They were good sorts like my Buick driver who is my new pet..............while I hate farmers pulling out with implements littering the road with clumps of field, along with these Ohioan girls having sh*t for brains, the other types are charming to deal with as fauna they add to the ambiance of the open places.
I even had a guy in a very big Ford pickup wave at me with his big red coffee mug, as agrarians are friendly, especially if they think you are one of them.
I actually believe though these old people who are dead driving and don't know it yet, are not as big of hazard as these cell phone girls with testicles (meaning both soy fed men and women), as they never put on blinkers, never look out for anyone else and never think.......which means I have to drive for everyone on the road......and I do indeed do, as I do not trust people sitting at stop signs and am always ready to take Dukes of Hazard defensive driving to not get killed.
I like my pets..........although I would never get too near them to pet. They are just for looking at life at 45 and not for petting.
agtG
