As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
Well we are about to find out if Jimmy Carter is up on the food chain like Ruth Bader Ginsburg surviving terminal cancer or if Jimmy is just one more peanut to be shelled...perhaps turned into crude oil in a Soylent plant.
For those who missed it, Jimmy Carter, the former worst President in American history, announced he had been cut on, and the physicians found he was full of cancer, beginning in his liver. Once cancer spreads to other soft tissue, you do not exactly have a great deal of time left in this world.
In stating that, I am in a helpful mood, as Jimmy needs all the help he can get, as he was born under and unfortunate star, and his luck has run out to a disaster like his end.
What I mean by this, is Jimmy Carter for like three decades now, has been making plans for his funeral. This is not like a funeral announcement, but Carter has his own Encyclopedia Britcartica on funeral directions. Nothing has been left undone from the veggies, to the toasts to.......who is allowed to ride around on his casket strumin' on the old banjo.
We do need to review all of this stuff, as this all started with Richard Nixon, in Jimmy Carter hated Nixon, but was shocked that when President Richard Nixon died, that Donald Trump America loved Richard Nixon. Carter at the time was still the worst President in history, and wondered how he could be loved too.
He seized upon the idea of building houses for poor people smart enough to con a free house out of charity. That habitat for critters sort of wore off, and Carter was back busy pissing off Bill and Hillary Clinton, George W. Bush, and now sniping at Birther Hussein Obama at the Aspen Institute.
Say, Carter sniped at image Obama just a few months ago in saying Obama was the worst in history, and suddenly olde Jimmy got a dose of cancer to kill him........sort of sounds like Hugo Chavez in that cancer gun does it not?
Any way however Carter got crispy for cancer, is not the focus of this, but is the reality, unlike President Richard Nixon, President Ronald Reagan and President Gerald Ford, Carter does not have anyone in the White House who is not going to piss on his grave and those on the decks in Hillary and Jeb are warming up the hoses for a Carter golden shower.
So this is the Carter dilemma. He is not going to probably hang on like Bader Ginsburg for a few more Presidents, so what is the best Jimmy Carter can hope for?
You got image Obama, who soaks up attention like a sponge. Jimmy would be forgotten at this own funeral, and Jimmy wants to be adored and revered.
Then there is Hillary and Bill..........I suspect that a turkey at Thanksgiving would have a better time of it than Carter's corpse with the Clinton's officiating.
Jeb Bush? George W. hates Jimmy for meddling and being a pest, so you would see a number of sulking faces all saying, "What the frick am I doing wasting a nice hurricane day with Carter's corpse when I could be out being smacked in the head by tree limbs."
See Jimmy Carter has a dilemma. He might be able to outlast Obama, if he corners some Habitat critter family member going tits up and carve out a lobe of liver to give him time, but shitpanzee on the banana peel, that is......still the point in he has the Clinton's and Bush's playing smack Jimmy around in the hearse.
So I think the best that Jimmy Carter has is to come out and support Donald Trump. I know it will be like only 4 1/2 votes for Donald, but Mr. Trump is a fair man and he could be counted on to be respectful of dead Jimmy.
Look at these benefits:
Donald would not slap around the Carter corpse in the limo or at the pulpit.
Donald has a hot wife, which people will tune into see as no one wants to see old Roz Carter.
Donald has a good looking boy named Baron. Now kids do not like hanging around dead old guys, but he would be a proper gentleman to offset those homely Carter kids who still look like they have not bathed since he was booted out of the White House.
With a Trump White House Secret Service able to protect the Carter corpse from irate Jews, as Carter hates Jews and Obama blacks.......there would be no Ferguson or Holocaust for Jimmy Carter.......and face it, old cancer rotten corpses do not exactly take being dragged around like Khadaffi did.
I know some might point to like Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio. Too emotional those hot blooded latins to be trusted with a funeral. Carly Fiorina.....who knows if she will crawl into the casket for some necrophilia or blast Carter with a nuke. It just all comes back to the decision that Jimmy Carter if he is logical, which he is not, that the best funeral service for Jimmy Carter would be having Donald Trump as President.
I bet Donald would even give Jimmy a final ride on Marine One, Air Force One, and Limo One to plant him at the terror oil funded Carter Center for International Georgia.
So that is the best I can do for Jimmy Carter as he needs advice to help him along to get at least his death right. I say to Jimmy to cannibalize some of the habitat critters for liver lobes, come out for Donald Trump, stick it out to 2017 January and start the year off right in dying as President Trump would treat him better than he deserves.
I honestly feel bad for Jimmy, as the media is going to be frowning in wanting him gone in having better things to do, and no one will care in America.....too many will be glad he is finally tits up, and then the history will be spoken of in legacy before he is dumped in a hole, of what an epic failure Jimmy Carter was in life.......so Carter has to trump his life in death.
Yes double entendre intended.
OK Jimmy, get some nuke juice, get a critter liver, and hang on like you did when you were held hostage in the Rose Garden by the Iranians. Carter can not count on that fiction from Ben Affleck as that pecker adulterer is being divorced by Jennifer Garner, and having that fool around at the funeral is only going to look sleazy. Maybe Donald Trump can get a few of his friends in Hollywood, or better some Miss Universe and Miss America gals to show up and cry over Jimmy..........it would be tasteful and not take too long.
Rest in whatever Jimmy Carter, as you had no peace in life. Best I intend to do for you, as you never donated to this blog either like all the other future radioactive recipients.
agtG
