Dateline: Scorched Earth America
In a tragic event on this day of Hillary Clinton's 68th birthday, well wishers gathered in this time line to frolic with aging lesbian presidential candidate, Hillary Hamrod Clinton. The tragedy arose when exuberant attendees lit the candles on Mrs. Clinton's cake, and the amount of fuel created what one eye witness declared, "an inferno".
Bill Clinton who was found huddled under a pair of large blonde breasts, shielding him from the massive fire hose deluge unleashed in an attempt to save the city, the county and the state of New York, said, "It was like a detonation. It reminded me of a tomahawk cruise missile barrage going off an Aegis Cruiser."
Witnesses report that people were fleeing for their lives. Huma Wiener was seen screaming to allah as she ran for her life, renouncing her lesbianism and witnesses stated the confessional included something about Sarah Palin masks and fruit jelly.
After the mausoleum was set ablaze, the city block was soon ablaze, as one firefighter battling toward the epicenter said, "Man I was at ground zero on 9 11 and nothing compared to that what I saw tonight in the Clinton cake fire".
Another survivor, a witness to the thermonuclear detonation at the Bikini Atoll, was able to compose themselves long enough, after a stiff shot of brandy being administered by the Red Crescent, said, "I thought I was at the Bikini Atoll and that cake was going nuclear, as it kept getting hotter and hotter."
An EMT responder confirmed the intense heat of nuclear type in relating, "I came into this zone a white woman, and now by skin is darker than an African after summer in the sun".
Governor Cuomo of New York called in surrounding governors who coordinated a massive firefighting dive bombing effort to put out the blaze. Source in the Port Authority stated that so much water was needed and evaporated into the atmosphere, that for a time New Yorkers fleeing for their lives, were able to walk on dry ground to the Statue of Liberty.
Already scientists are claiming that all of this mist will cause even more global warming, but caution not to be concerned about ocean rise, as the oceans have fallen 200 feet due to the attempt in putting out Hillary Clinton's birthday cake inferno.
Chelsea Clinton speaking on condition of anonymity told this reporter, "I kept yelling to Mom to blow those damned candles out, but she was drunk as a Russian, and her breath only added fuel to the fire. That conflagration was more than any old woman could ever blow out. I was just glad the sprinklers came on long enough for us to escape.
We are assured that Mrs. Clinton indeed did escape in an emergency helicopter lift, as thousands of close personal friends fled the spreading inferno. Mrs. Clinton was safely carried to her bed and she is now resting comfortably after her traumatic birthday conflagration.
The Obama regime has already responded with new FEMA activation levels for next years birthday celebration including three aircraft carrier fire suppression units, and a team from White Sands Missile Base to assess if the next birthday celebration could indeed set off a nuclear chain reaction.