Monday, June 27, 2016

Gardening Advice

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

From the above photo, I can absolutely guarantee that all of you can be growing beautiful mums and palm trees if you just follow the following advice.

It all begins about 10 years ago, when you bought blue jeans. First you have to wear them out, and then make them into cut offs or Daisy Dukes.

Now begins the finer principles of gardening.

Great gardening involves having hot gloves on, on a scorching day, but you never must get the gloves dirty, nor your trowel, but it is vital that you get a sun top, spend 3 hours putting on make up and shaving all body hair off your body.

Next, you need to hose yourself down with a water hose, which is attached to the warm water delivery out of your home, or you will be shrieking for the cold water, the neighbors will call the police, and then your perky nipples will have the 9 11 cops trying to do mouth to mouth on you, and you spend the rest of the day telling cops you have a significant other and are not looking for a date.

High heeled sandals are a must for growing wonderful flowers. Apparently 6 inch spikes, and making sure that you bend at the waist without a bra is part of this growing flowers like a florist too.

After all of this 10 year and 3 hour preparation, you then jump into the Beamer, which your rich sugar daddy bought for you,  take his credit card............well in these Obama time it might be some fat heifer like Rosie O'Donnell lesbian stuff, but the thing is you get in the car, get the credit card, then go to the  greenhouse and buy up the pot plants growing there, haul them home, and then go inside, surf sites like the Chive to see what the little pervert boy at the greenhouse snapped of you  as you are buying flowers.

All pretty easy stuff really.  If your sugar daddy is like Rush Limbaugh, just put sugar pills in the Viagra and if it is Rosie, just toss her a donut and you get all of this for no sex, as who has time for sex when you are a master flower gardener in America.