Friday, July 29, 2016

The Survival 2 x 4

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

I have a question, in when the lights go out, and you have mobs looting and raping, and you are shitting in a pail and dumping it on your front lawn, is the first project you get involved in going to be, "Why I think I am going to be build me a 2 by 4!!!"

Most of you have no idea what that board even is, but do you think you will be building things like furniture..........when you sure as hell do not now or ever will?

The reason I ask is this numb nuts named Shabir Balolia, who sounds like some fresh off the boat exploiter of Americans in Grizzly Industries, posted a must have list..........which included battery powered tools and solar panels.

Again seriously, are you going to be putting up big shining panels to attract attention, as your saw screams out the call of "COME RAPE AND MURDER ME", or are you going to have sense to hide?

I do like reading lists in what people think they need, and frankly  this dude's list is more like a person's tombstone.

In other words, this is a list of things you will never need.

  1. 16’ Measure tape and 100’ measure tape –  just in-case you want to draw that line in the sand that you dare your neighbor to cross or just need to measure the board length you are going to hand saw.
  2. 8” and 48” level – which allows you to check the horizontal and vertical (plum) of anything you want to truly keep squared.
  3. A good set of chisels – that run in sizes ¼”- 1 ½”. They work great for knocking down corners on wood and cleaning out saw cuts and joints. Make sure the handle is made to handle a hammer strike so if you need to carve out a Billy stick you won’t damage the handle.
  4. Prybars – in a few different sizes, 8” 16” and a 24” big one made for when you are really needing to pry your neighbors food supply door open.
    Solar Panel Starter Kit 400W
    Solar Panel Starter Kit 400W – You might appreciate a way to recharge your cordless electric tools.
  5. Clamps– you can never have enough clamps! C-clamps, F-clamps, Spreader clamps, Pipe clamps, everything you need to hold stuff together during a glue up or spread things apart.
  6. 6” layout square – It’s a triangle usually made out of aluminum or metal used to make square cuts on lumber stock. Framers sleep with this tool like it’s the Holy Grail. You just can’t make your life any easier with such a simple device.
  7. Block plane – Used to flatten edges of wood, smooth joints and works fantastic for cleaning an edge to glue up to.
  8. Handsaw – For when your battery operated reciprocating saw runs out of juice and the solar panels you are using are working less efficiently because it’s raining outside.
  9. Mallet – Use it as an attitude adjuster or for its real purpose: to coerce things into fitting correctly without destroying or denting them.
  10. T-Bevel/Sliding bevel – Made to measure all kinds of angles you may encounter when building your survival tree-house. Use it to cut angle trim or a slew of other things.
  11. A good screwdriver set and bit set that has a Phillips, star and flathead slotted bits in it.
  12. Utility scissors – A good industrial pair of scissors will be great for opening MRE’s or cutting your jeans to treat yourself when the neighbors Pit-bull decides to use your shin as a drumstick.

Survival is more of a triad in weapons, tools and instruments as in medical instruments.

You will use a tweezer and a sewing kit a million times before a level,

In that think of things like spades, hoes, forks axes........all of which will work as weapons too. Yes you need hammers, nails, needles and thread, but you will also need buckets of things like roofing cement, cement, plastic cement and glue, to patch your roof, your broken window, your shot through walls and your cracked foundations. REPAIR is what you will be engaging in for years as all of your pretty things deteriorate.

Screwdrivers are fine, but the reality is, nothing is going to be made or repaired, so unless you can stab rapist in the eye with a big one, your money is probably going to be better used on things like a case of car oil, which works a great deal better lubing up your squeaking door than fat from a pig that keeps the flies and cats around your door.

The honest Truth is, that when the lights go out, most of what you value most in your big screen and your vehicle are going to be junk. I imagine numbers of cars will be converted into homes for people or dogs to freeze or bake in, or into chicken coups.

People are going to learn fast that axes chop of  toes, saws wear your ass out, and firewood is things you can break and feed your stove trying to keep your 15 foot ceilings warm as you freeze on the floor as heat rises.

My purpose for calling the person who wrote this a numb nuts is that others will not follow this idiot to Darwin candidate graves, as that is what will indeed take place, as he is rich, will attract the mob which will bash his head in, take his stuff, rape his women and his dog will enjoy lapping up his blood.

I suggest you look at the old lists and old photos of things the settlers in America, Australia, Canada, Argentina and Africa had around, as that is the reality. You will have a better time of it, after things burn out in some inferno sweeping through a city, in your moving around to other homes of the dead as the American scavenger is going to be the tale of the in other words, you will just be picking all of the above things up out of garages as no one will want them.

It comes down to it, you would trade a box of tools for a bar of soap and you would trade all of the above for a pair of shoes as shoes are going to be better than gold.

Nuff Said