Thursday, January 12, 2017

The Depths of a Mystery Liquid

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

As a I mentioned it earlier in a post, I will have to talk about it again, for some reason all of my great knowledge is somehow missed and dismissed while other more important things are focused on like, toppings for breadsticks.

What I am mentioning is Patrick F. McManus, the greatest philosophical mind in world history, providing your world is about the size of a beaver lodge and your history is less than a coon's age. Raccoon, not the other kind as we don't do racism here at the Lame Cherry.

So I was contemplating "I Fish Therefore I Am", the three book in one volume contraption which was published of all the wisdom of a Scotsman in America, but it was not so much the words as who wants to read a book, when you can just contemplate the thing..........but it was my original observation in the pages are all wet. Well, they were once all wet, and as I am reading this in the bathroom as my bathroom book, as where else would you contemplate all the knowledge and wisdom of the ages and sages, but the crapper.........I keep having these contemplations come to mind.

It is like, contemplation number 1, "Those pages were wet.......I wonder what steaming lake filled with fish poop this book fell into, with ripening algae sending up plumes of natural gas, so that if you lit a match the world would end like Sodom and Gomorrah".

The contemplations all sort of follow the same thought in, "I wonder if this was wet from dog pee? Must have been a big dog like a Chessie. Probably locked in an SUV after a day of hunting, and the boys were having beers to midnight, and Poocher just had to use something to pee on, and there was Pat's book, so what else would a dog need, as the owners opened the door at 1 AM, and were carried away in a flood of dog pee, down the street, sending off Homeland Security warnings in 3 states, as they finally were rescued about 5 AM by the fire department from the top of a tree they found refuge in."

See I contemplate things like that about Pat McManus' book. Things like I wonder if this got dropped in the toilet as it seems lots of people contemplate Pat McManus' genius in the modern toilet.

The thing is with this book, I noticed today that some of the pages stick together. So you get to looking at the words about the necessity of all people having a smelly old man to teach them things and the next thing you know you got these words about sleeping bags which makes no sense really, but it gives you more time to contemplate the genius of Pat McManus. Honestly if you skip a few pages, because they were stuck together when a Saber Tooth Tiger saw Pat's book and marked his territory after eating a Neanderthal family......see it helps to look at a book when there is drama involved, as dropping it in the toilet and giving it away to a thrift store as you would never read a toilet bowl book, to be sold by them for 80 cents, helps if it is Saber Tooth pee you are leafing through, instead of just some fisherman's pee, whose only accomplishment is, every fish he catches gains 20 pounds with each beer consumed.

So this book does get interesting if you do not pay attention to what you are reading as you contemplate what species of pee you are fingering, and the next thing you are learning is that sleeping bags make really good bear repellent in you get your wife to feed them the bag, as you climb a tree to look for help.

Some people would just throw Pat. McManus's wisdom away, in not taking the chance in urine content. I on the other hand am more practical as I paid 80 cents for it, and as I contemplate this more, maybe I got a real deal as everyone would certainly pay 80 cents to stick their hands into Saber Tooth Kitty pee. Sure you might be rejecting that offer, but those Smithsonian fellows would be all over a deal like that in bidding things up on Ebay, for a chance to get to bathe and sip some Saber Tooth pee, which of course would be found to be like soft water from the finest spa and have the flavor of chicken, as everything tastes like chicken.

So I have a real treasure in this book, it gets me contemplating all sorts of things. Like I contemplated this morning,  it is just the right size as a door stop, and when I have learned all there is to about how all authors should offer a regular copy, a signed copy and the really expensive copy of the one which has dropped into the depths of a mystery liquid.

I wonder how I could dip this blog..........