Saturday, May 20, 2017

James Comey: The Unsubstaniated Button Down Interview

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

The Lame Cherry proudly presents the first exclusive interview with fired former FBI Director James Comey, with the caveat that the halo our interviewee blinded us, that it was difficult with the glaring halo, the halo shades and the voice masker which made him sound like Hillary Clinton coughing up a bad lung from 2016, to be certain, but we are as certain it was him, as his diary entries to the New York Times.

Mr. Comey, thank you for coming........we were surprised that you were so affectionate in the lingering hug, because your best friend Benjamin Wittes, said on PBS that you were disgusted by President Trump hugging you.

Donald Trump disgusts me. I hate him more than sin and I often call him sin when I phone him up on the phone.

You have phoned the President?

Yes, I phoned him and told him something when he asked me something, and I do not know if the conversation was recorded, so the conversation was about sin or something and I was all against sin, because I am the last righteous man in the world. Jesus often appears to me to ask for pointers to improve himself, as do others from other religions like Gandhi, Buddha, Muhammed and, uh, and, uh, Barack Obama.


Barack Obama is a religion?

I uh, my diary said that Donald Trump was asking me to drop the Flynn investigation, and I was troubled by it all, and I wrote it down in taking copious notes. I could not help the pages were stuck together as I had just finished my second reprint of the Russian whores pissing in Moscow dossier, and that copy was sticky and it gets onto everything.


In the above religious leaders, they have all passed on, why was Obama included in the visitations to you?

You see I had to have that dossier, as I keep re reading it, in all of the sex. There was sex everywhere. It is the last thing I read at night and the first thing I read in the morning. It is still something I read and re read, as it is so evil and someone as perfect as myself can not be expected to condone such evil.


You did know that the dossier is fake intelligence right and the rest is unproven, even rejected by Obama officials?

They could not discern like I can. If you rent the movie Mission Impissable, I know it is hard to find in porn shops, but if you rent Mission Impissable starring  Tom Crews and Meryl Strapon, you get a better appreciation of the dossier.
You don't have a copy of Mission Impissable do you, as my copy is sort of gummy and my player skips the part about dousing evil with a golden shower?


Ah Mr. Comey, let us move on to the crimes of Hillary Clinton and the troubling view, that your testimony before Congress, before your firing, made it appear that you had a slight mental breakdown.........

I want to tell you I am absolutely insane.......I mean sane.  I was nauseated at the thought of my having been sullied by politics. My virginal nature of pristine law enforcement was violated, over and over again, and I protested, NO NO NO NO, and as I rolled around in the sheets, with a ball gag in my mouth, tied to the bed posts and my halo almost catching the pillows on fire, that my secretary often had to come rushing in with a fire extinguisher to save me as I called out, NO HILLARY NO, I WILL NOT DO NAUGHTY THINGS.


Mr. Comey, let us turn to the crimes of Hillary Clinton and your usurping the authority of the Justice Department in deciding to not prosecute her.

I am wearing a rain coat.


Mr. Comey, turning to Hillary Clinton's crimes, and the fact the DNC was not hacked, but was a leak from a disgruntled DNC employee who was murdered.......
Do you want to know about my rain coat in I can make a tent out of it.


Mr. Comey, the 11 months which you investigated the President and Candidate Donald Trump, you informed him 3 times he was not the target of the investigation, who was the target of your investigation then?

Do you know I don't have to wear anything under a rain coat.


Mr. Comey, please, if we could return to the topic of the interview as America is puzzled how you could oversee almost a dozen scandals at the FBI, and consider yourself a leader of any standing.

The FBI was nothing before I was appointed and the FBI does not exist without me. Did you know that every FBI agent resigned when I was fired and there were protests across America.


Mr. Comey that did not happen.

Yes it did, just ask Benjamin Wittes, as it is on page 48,039 of my diary, and says so. It is right after the morning meeting I had with the Pope, naming me a Saint for the three miracles I performed.


You perform miracles?

Yes, the miracle of keeping Hillary Clinton out of jail, the miracle of keeping Obama in power and the miracle of my immaculate conception.


Mr. Comey I think it is time to end this interview, if it is really you.

No wait, I have more to show you.


Mr. Comey, we do not want to see that.

Wait, my medication does not run out for another 20 minutes, so don't be afraid, you are safe, as the doctors have it all under control now..........


Thank you Mr. Comey. We appreciate your time.