Monday, May 8, 2017
As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
His name was Elgin Reginald Wonone.
He pronounced it Elgin Reg In ald Wonone, not Elgin Rej inald Wonone as the English would.
He preferred to go by Reg IN ald.
......and yes his last name was pronounced One One.
Reginald Wonone said he was English, that his father had received a deferment from the Falklands due to having large testicles as the British measured such things, but he was really from New Hampshire. His father was a salesman who sold derivatives to banks and they played golf.
He drove a BMW and stated that he was the person who coined the phrase Beemer.
He wore khaki pants and shirt too small, always pressed, and carried in his glove compartment an old mixture of Butch Wax and Brylcreme, which he is said to have purchased on Ebay for a total of 4.03 plus shipping.
The girls were always speaking about Reginald Wonone. They were always asking what he was doing, and if they had seen what Reginald was doing, as it was of great interest to notice that Reginald was taking selfies on his phone as he groomed himself in the mirror or was looking at someone and they could relate that they had looked back at Reginald Wonone.
I have it on good authority that he hit and killed an English Starling which often sat with other Starlings at Mr. and Mrs. Malvern and Mavis Mit, of the city limits.
Reginald Wonone had a reputation of never having been turned down for a date. I know this to be an absolute falsehood, as he fully completed inquiring of me on three occasions if I would appear with him at:
1. The White House Inauguration Ball.
2. The Prom of Wainwitten Politechnical School for Proteges.
3. Spring Break at Belize.
I fully and completely rejected Reginald Wonone, and his BMW, and his playing golf, being friends with homosexuals and his voting democrat. Proper standards are never violated for popularity, money nor social standing.
In this, Reginald asked instead a product of liberalism named Citrus Sunshine to the White House Inauguration Ball, a breast augmented creature of new money named Chelsea "Nippy" Bzrsko to the Prom and Babeth Shukah Khuz, whose parents were those types who laundered money through West Indian bank accounts for nefarious types of the Middle East, and operated a refugee transport center in Belize properties where Reginald stayed for free, hiding in the pool house from Islamic militants brandishing AK 47's.
I instead engaged in proper activities of:
1. A 100 mile expedition in winter hike to the Poconos.
2. A 100 mile expedition in spring oaring the St. Lawrence Seaway.
3. A 100 mile expedition in a blizzard to Ottawa Ontario, where I disdainfully glared at the liberal Parliament of Canada.
In all of this Reginal Wonone maintained a 70.2 grade average of C minus, but was admitted to Harvard when his salesman's father donated 1 million dollars to the Harvard Negroid Society, by which Reginald graduated with a degree in political science, where he could not be admitted to law school, but became the political assistant to an Ohio politician in dealing with the rednecks in his district who acquired narcotics for his wealthy constituents when not breeding each other or the sheep.
This was far too much effort for Reginald and he retired at the age of 24 years, 4 months and 27 days.
He was soon wed to a Nicole, without an H, but a large property inheritance which her father had gleaned from insider trading in looting union retirement packages.
The marriage to Nicole Seweats ended in 3 weeks, when Reginald walked in on his wife with a soccer professional named Albert Finnster as Reginald was walking his lap dog Mr. Max as it licked strawberry jam from his exposed genitals. Both Nicole and Reginald settled out of court as there were both a security and digital camera recording the events and both threatened to bring this out in court.
They promised to part friends, but Reginald still posts nude photos of Nicole online and Nicole still posts Reginald's phone number on Craigslist Beasty Boy page.
The story of Reginald Wonone is one which could have gone on for volumes in the inconsequential nature of all he was, but this is instead his obituary as Reginal Wonone most fortunately perished by inserting a cockroach up his rectum for pleasure as gerbils were out of stock and the Al Gore curly lightbulbs were not durable. The cockroach progressed beyond extraction, quickly sliced through the intestinal wall, severed an artery, whereby Reginald driving his BMW for medical assistance, passed out and crashed the vehicle into Rock Gully.
The official account states that after attending an Obama Forever Rally, Reginald was driving a refugee to the sanctuary city of her choice, but a faulty brake line caused the car to crash.
This is the life story of Elgin Reginald Wonone, a liberal aborted in his time as this snowflake simply had expended all the normal Kennedy family debauchery and engaged in self destructive activities of which natural selection was the only process by which nature can cope with such primate types.
Now the life of his sister, Haplan, that is a story to tell.........