Friday, July 21, 2017

The Expanding Mueller Investigation of Colluding Donald Trump

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

The Lame Cherry joins with righteous Special Counsel Robert Mueller in expanding his investigation of colluder Donald Trump, due to new evidence provided by the deep state of Trump collusion with Russia.

The U.S. special counsel investigating possible ties between the Donald Trump campaign and Russia in last year’s election is examining a broad range of transactions involving Trump’s businesses as well as those of his associates, according to a person familiar with the probe.

The Lame Cherry has it on good authority that Mr. Special Prosecutor is focusing on three key Russian links to Trump Brand, and the links are telling.


First there is Trump Brand, cologne, SUCCESS, Eau De Toillette Spray Vaporisateur. Mr. Special Prosecutor has obtained the manufacturer's data base of chemicals and discovered that one of the key ingredients is alcohol. It is not just any alcohol though, but pure Russian vodka, and not just any Russian vodka,  but genetic signature vodka, produced by a special selection of potato called Putin Paradise, an especial sassy spud from the hometown of Vladimir Putin, in blue eyes, white skin and a semi waxy quality making it a good choice for potato salad to distilling vodka due to the high sugar content.

Mr. Special Prosecutor is certain this key Russian link, links to the fake Pissgate dossier as the source of the liquid the prostitutes urinated on the bed of Michelle and Barack Obama in Moscow.

Second, Mr. Special Prosecutor received a tip from Katie Walsh, who delivered in a zip lock bag, evidence of Ivanka collusion with the Russians in a most damning revelation.
It appears that when Ms. Walsh was assisting Vice President Mike Pence in fundraising that she popped over to the West Wing, and darted in to use Ivanka's bathroom and discovered this box of tampon brand, BIG BEULAH.

Ms. Walsh immediately recognized this as evidence, and brought it to Robert Mueller, who fingerprinted the box, and sent it off to the FBI labs, where after 283 scientific forensic analysis tests, it was discovered that the super absorbent quality of Big Buelah, for women with a heavy flow, is from a specific linen in these designer label tampons of flaxen product, which only is grown in the Volga region of Russia.

As stated this proof is damning in, this is a direct tie of the Trumps to Russia in this tampon product secretly using Russian materials to absorb Ivanka's flowage. What is particularly revelating is this particular tampon was used in Syria to absorb quantities of chemical weapons after an attack upon Syrians.

Lastly, Mr. Special Prosecutor expanded his investigation into something which fell out of Jared Kushner's man purse during a debriefing by Mr. Mueller. Mr. Mueller upon examination discovered it was none other than a sexual device called a Penis Elasticator. For those unfamiliar with a Penis Elasticator, but Mr. Mueller was due to cooperation with James Comey, a Penis Elasticator is a device for enhance sexual performance. The device is placed around the engorged penis, so that blood flow is not allowed to return and the penis remains erect.
Mr. Kushner's device which fell out of his man purse, was discovered to be none other than the premier sexual enhancement device ever created. The reason it was the premier sexual enhancement device ever created is due to the fact, that western devices use rubber from the Indian Rubber Tree, but the Kushner device utilizes the sinew of the very rare Russian Saiga.

A photo of a Russian Saiga.

It appears that this special sinew quality was discovered by Marco Polo on his traverse to the Forbidden City, and from there information leaked back to Joseph Stalin, who guarded this secret for only the elite Soviets of the Cold War, but it was a field agent named Vladimir Putin who democratized the distribution of Saiga Elasciator Sinews, and it is this Elasticator which fell out of Jared Kushner's man purse, and was picked up by Robert Mueller, trialed and tested among his staff, sent to FBI labs for forensic testing, and confirmed that this was indeed Russian Saiga Sinew mingled with Jared Kushner DNA, which Mr. Special Prosecutor collected by cleverly offering Mr. Kushner a lick of his Tootsie Pop while in his office on the first visit.

On this evidence it is now conclusive that the Trump Brand is in collusion with the Russians, and Mr. Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller must be commended for not stopping until we have achieved the undeniable proof that Mr. Trump has vodka based cologne, Mrs. Kushner has Volga based tampons extra absorbent size and Mr. Kushner has Russian Saiga sinew frequenting his penis.

America owes Robert Mueller and his entire investigative team thanks for these revelations, as much as the Jeff Sessions Justice Department for appointing Mr. Mueller who could only get to the bottom of this.

Once again another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.