Sunday, November 19, 2017

Rolling Pin Wright

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

It has come to my attention that most people do not have any comprehension on how to use a rolling pin and that is why they all do not like them. Rolling pins are easy, because the hard part is the dough or crust, and the only reason that is hard is because people's houses are too hot, and they need to have a cool dough and you get a cool dough by putting it in the fridge.

Once you understand that dough starts out with soft butter or lard, and not melted butter or lard, and soft means at that annoying temperature Jimmy Carter exists at in old wool sweaters where you are cold all the time, then you have things about right, in cool flour not in your top shelves, nor near your radiant heat, but down  on the lower level of your cabinets, and you have taken 99% of the trouble from rolling pins.

There are heavy plastic pie dough sheets too which make a big difference in clean up and rolling, so get one of them and you have taken care of 99.4% of the rolling pin problems

The final .6% of rolling pin problems are these two things:

Your dough is warm so it sticks to the pin.
You are an idiot and did not follow the recipe and have too much liquid in the dough so it sticks to the pin.

This is how you solve most of this in you get your rolling pin, and start rolling out the dough, not using the handles, but placing your hands on the pin and gently pushing the dough out, turning the pin 90 degrees and continuing on, but first........

Before you get to the 90 degree turn, if your dough has stuck to your pin or has not, you now take your hand, as you have a little flour in a bowl, and you rub it on the rolling pin in coating it.
Yes you can put flour on the dough, but it is better to put the flour on the pin, as there is not as much flour on the dough making it drier, and the rolling pin responds wonderfully.

Some say to cool the rolling pin in the fridge, but if you are doing that, that means your house is too hot, and you can't follow directions in making dough. The floured rolling pin will keep the continuity of the dough which is what you want, so your crust or cookies puff up or remain flakey.

A rolling pin is no different than any other technical device like a computer. You first have to be more intelligent than the device, and second you have to use it in the proper way, with the proper dough, or it can not perform the task, no more than putting carrots into a USB port is going to get you a copy of all that porn you have on your computer hidden in the King James Bible folders.

I have used the plastic, the marble and the wooden pins. I honestly  think the wooden are the most inferior, but plastic just does not feel right or hold up as intended.
As TL has a marble rolling pin as a Christmas present, I learned how to use this device, even if it is manly awkward in heavy and brawn. It is though an implement which will get the job accomplished most efficiently.
That is not to say that I do not like wooden rolling pins as I have them, and Mom has a most ancient one which is so infused with lard, that the maple is just like burnished caramel.

Whatever the rolling pin though, it has to have the right material to deal with, and it has to be gone over in the dough, floured and then dealt with again in the final rolling. The same with your plastic surface you are rolling out on, as thin dusting is the solution, and not drifts of flour looking like you are pushing through a blizzard.

Now you are a Rolling Pin Wright or you are still the person who buys pies from the toxic waste dump, and pretends you baked them, and everyone wonders why your cookies and crusts all taste like bakery as you haven't had an oven since convections were invented.

Nuff Said