Thursday, April 26, 2018

The Mother of all Roasting Pans

 You eat on that table sister, so what are the chairs for?

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

Today I have concluded that death is the most liberating thing for a woman in they no longer have to cook for families they hate on holidays which they hate, and their worthless children who hated the family gathering  can finally give away all the pots and pans the old gal had, as a catharsis for all the pain they remember from the holidays, as the old gal suffered endless  PMS then.

I base this on a Wear Ever roasting pan and lid I got today at the thrift store. I think it is an 818 and 819 in models of pan and lid. The lid is like the mother of all lids in weighing a good five pounds. So I looked for a photo of it, and discovered it is really a DOUBLE ROASTER and I have been cheated out of the lid for the top roaster maybe. All I know is I did not get one of the pieces and that trivet thing to  put the turkey on. That is ok for now as I am celebrating an old woman croaking, who hated life and her children and husband, and I see they hated  her as they got rid of the roast beast pan.

I have to confess that I have now 4 roat beast pans.  Actually 5 if you count the oval one, but the thing is I was just telling TL that all the good heavy aluminum was now kaput as that era of crabby old women older than virtue is gone. Then today I got this pan, handed TL the lid who almost dropped it as it is heavy heavy duty, and for 3 bucks we picked it up.

It was not until I got home to explore my treasure that I discovered the disorder of it all, as that old bat almost scrubbed the bottom lettering off the pan. That is one woman with a gusto of hate to be wearing aluminum down to the bone, but the real secret was the vent hole. I swear I almost had to call the tow truck to get that thing to move. Blessed thing is she broke the front guide off, so it has been ailing for some time and in that, 5 minutes of soaking, a squirt of dawn or even some brake cleaner would have been the remedy, but this was a woman who hated cooking for a family she hated, as she was not going to clean a vent hole to make things easier. She just broke it.

I like the break as it gives me a someday project to fix this as it will involve a file, maybe a ball pein hammer and whatever else I can think up as this is just a lovely project.

But back to the grease. I mean shit pot hannah girl from Tarzana, you could not have put JB Weld on better in this to gunk it up. This was that goo they make glue out of. Was blacker than Toby's ass and I had to use a metal object, Dawn, a brush and about 10 minutes and it was flying open by then. Just why a woman who has a nice pan like this would abuse is she hates her husband who bought that thing and she had to cook for him and them bratty children, so her only vent hole to vent was abusing this roaster and breaking the slide, or else she would have to poison the lot of them.

I mean Prince Charles laments too many humans, so why not crop a few on the holidays by angry women and save the aluminum pots and pans for Goodness sake. It is sad to see something beat up and neglected that bad.


The one I got has this lip thing for a handle and straight handles. Don't know what all is the year and the model, but I ain't complaining as it will make a dandy roast goose beast roaster.

It is a well known  fact that all through Quebec the Quebecois 
go out an harvest frozen creatures in God's perma frost 
for the holidays. 

Now that I have 4, I can do what Stephanie says they in Quebec in having holiday multi meats. In Quebec they don't go out and cut down Christmas trees, instead they all venture to the perma frost region and dig up like a Mastadon or Wooly Mammoth,  on the way home shoot a few dozen moose, and add a bear, and maybe add some light eating like heaps of blue grouse for the roasting pan. Talk about smorgasbord without the Norwegians being invited!!!


 It is best to only eat triceratops in season.

Is my goal in life to venture out now and do the brier patch thing in digging up a dinosaur as they say triceratops tastes just like turkey, but you want to stay away from the stegasaurus as that tastes just like sage hens, as few people know stegosaurus only ate sage weeds.

Anyway, I am going to carve me a nice dinosaur  butt roast for one pan, get me a giant sloth from the perma frost as that tastes just like marsh rabbit or muskrat, and roast up a pile of beef and for my fowl I will do the Canada goose thing as we like that.

I am all set and I can see God was being good again to me to give me roasters to fill with rare and exotic meats. I think I will use this Wear Ever for that dinosaur as I think this gal was fire charring turkeys black and it might take a more dark meat to deal with the seasoning of this pan.

Yes  just when I think all the good heavy aluminum is gone, here comes one of them extinct wives who abuse their pans, finding a pan for me to celebrate, hammer on and pile full of dinosaur roasts.

Maybe that second roaster was not included as that old bag et her husband before dying and they couldn't get the grease stains out.

Nuff Said