Friday, July 13, 2018
How to Murder Breakfast
As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
I was watching Rumpole of the Bailey in the wonderful actor, Leo McKern, and was thinking about his diet of steak and kidney pood, cheap wine and his morning meal of a 'fried slice'.
Unless you are English, you have no idea what this item is, as it is hard to explain, but it can best be summed up as an item the body craves if you do not have enough meat fat in your diet.
See a friend slice is bread, which is fried in bacon fat or butter. It is grilled cheese without the cheese and drips of grease. A fried slice is the basis for the English Fry Up or breakfast.
In America, a Farmer's Breakfast is a beautiful thing. It is lovely in pancakes, hash browns, eggs, sausage or other meats like bacon or steak. In England they find way to make you throw up.
Here let us go through the list which is not bad in the first order, unless one goes English in wanting running eggs, as they call it a sauce and put that goo all over everything.
So you got your lard bread, then your raw eggs, and then comes the bangers, or a sort of pork sausage without the pleasant sage and anise so it is rather bland. What I liked about Rumpole is they had sausages like a foot long and were cooked a pretty color of deep red, these bangers just look fatty, half raw and burned.
Add to that Irish bacon which is Canadian bacon when it grows up, or real bacon, and you are getting to the first layer of the fry up.
Then comes a broiled or fried half tomato. All sounds mushy like the soupy eggs and the lard bread, but I do love Rumpole.
In the middle of this the English dump in a can of Heinz beans. Not homemade beans, but more soup with the soupy eggs that taste like dirt.
After this, you get these fried potato lumps, which have no place on a plate, as a person waking up in the morning does not need big chunks of underground produce to terrify them.
Speaking of the terrifying, for some reason the English like eating weeds as in fungal mushrooms. The addition of musty dirt with raw eggs is not exactly I have ever craved or ever will crave, no more than eating musty old leather shoes.
This part I like for how disgusting it is, because it is white and black pudding. White pudding is hog lard and oatmeal which is called sausages which are served fried in slices. The black stuff is lard, blood and oatmeal fried up. As I stated, people eat this kind of stuff when they are deprived of proper meat diets.
Lastly, the cherry on top is a kidney on top, of a fried lamb kidney.
In review of this, the English breakfast is lard bread, lard sausage, lard blood, with additional lard sausage and lard bacon, with soupy tomatoes and soupy beans that taste of dirt to match the fungal dirt of mushrooms. The soupy beans are part of the soupy eggs and it all is accented by animal innards fried up with more lard.
I had blood sausage once, or a bite that I almost threw up eating and I spat it out. I best describe it as something like tofu, with sand in it, and a feel like bloodclots in the mouth with the taste of what one would expect to be sucking on the thumb of a cold cadaver in the morgue.
What I think the English breakfast is, is like bubble and squeak, but not in leftovers, but it is the stuff English poor dug out of the kennel that the lord threw his table leftovers to in the dogs.
Ignorance is something one dreams of Fried Slice as some kind of fried slice of fillet of beef, salt and peppered, still smoke scented like born upon a buffalo chip embers, not a grease bread that most people would have sopped up for a dog to enjoy.
This is how the English have succeeded in murdering breakfast. How the Germans have kuchens, the French rolls, the Americans robust platters, and the English arrived at dumpster dining in what they crave is just so English.
Is probably why the UK censors do not allow this blog to shine the light on that foggy, damp cellar of a nation.