As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
As you are all aware Jan Michael Vincent or JMV is known to those he graciously allows to associate with him is thee official deadbeat donation collector for the Lame Cherry, where he is the original black helicopter sent out to bring in the donations.
JMV once told me he was out making a run and ran into a squadron of MIB, Men in Black, and he bagged the whole works in one shot, and they had some alien as co pilot, who JMV tasted a great deal like hog with the BBQ sauce already on him!!!
Of course everyone knows that JMV is the best television actor in history and has taken his place in my many scripted productions like Joaquin Phoenix, the greatest actor ever, and in JMV being the hero he is, the legend he is, he has many teaching endeavors and enterprises. His latest is a book on HOW NOT TO MAK YOUR KID INTO A PUSSY.
JMV is just the man when it comes to all things. Even his culinary endeavors are beyond what a take up the butt Paul Newman was in nailing underage girls in New York City, for where Newman has those pissweed sauces, JMV has the ultimate sauce in MACH 1.
JMV graciously provided me a gallon jug to sample, by flying over the brier patch and shooting it at me out of a TOW missile tube to see how good I was still at dodging projectiles. In this I can attest to the bullet proof plastic of JMV jugs in they fly straight and I had to dig six feet down as it buried itself that far, and shattered a rock in the process and the jug never had a scratch on it.
JMV says his jugs are made out of the same material Airwolf was.
And no Airwolf did not crash in Germany doing worthless things like making ambulance runs for the sick. JMV switched it out with an old Hughes he started up at Ramstein and flew Airwolf home to his backyard where he still takes her up.
JMV gave me permission to post the ingredients of MACH 1 as most of you will not have access to the ingredients, but he realizes that not everyone is rich enough to purchase MACH 1 BBQ Sauce, and this was very kind of him.
100 gallons of tomatoe paste
50 gallons of Windsor Canadian Whiskey
30 pounds brown sugar
10 gallons hot mustard
10 gallons apple cider vinegar
5 gallons molasses
5 gallons fresh lemon juice
5 gallons of heavy water from Airwolf's nuclear reactor
2 gallons of that stuff without the hardener that they made Airwolf's skin out of
1 gallon of that stuff that smells like creme de menthe with the skull and cross bones on at the lab
10 pounds Tai red pepper
2 pounds onion powder
1 gallon licorice extract
Put this into metal Agent Orange barrels you can find laying around Vietnam, place them in back of Airwolf and fire up the jet engines. The key is leave it in the flame until the tops blow off as you want that nice smoked kerosene flavor. It is that hint of smoked kerosene that smells like Mystic belt dressing in being slightly burnt and slightly sweet which makes this so alluring.
It is important though to get this out of the Agent Orange barrels as soon as it is around 200 degrees as MACH 1 will eat through the metal if you wait until it cools. Yes Agent Orange is no match for US Steel, but MACH 1 goes through it like shit through a goose.
It is important to put it into proper containers, glass will do in a pinch, but MACH 1 will melt that too in a few weeks, and it has been known to burn down houses and restaurants if left unattended.
I know this is a culinary review of MACH 1, but the thing is it doesn't matter what you put it on, as an old board, cabbage, pork, paper plates, it all tastes like beef steak once MACH 1 is on it. What I was surprised by is some MACH 1 I spilled cleaned up a blood stain on the counter from a mastodon, the Russians loaned me to do a cooking test on.
Anyway I started seeing what else MACH 1 would be good for, and it makes a great insecticide for ticks. In fact, it cures Lyme Disease. We don't have a mosquito around all summer when I mist some MACH 1 into the atmosphere.
I put a cup into my gas tank and it is a great fuel extender. I have put 1300 miles on that tank of gas and it has not moved off the full mark. Remarkable stuff.
It is a wonderful preservative and water purifier. One drop to 100 gallons and you got pickles or drinking water out of sewer.
We have lost of big foot problems around here in big foot always are lifting up tent campers as they like doing that. So I squirted some on the ground and it lured in every Sasquatch in the county for me to trap and relocate. Oh and if you want to start a fire, you just put some MACH 1 on the tip of your finger, snap it at the fire pit, and you have instant flame. Like gas mileage, you can get a 7 hour glow from MACH 1 in cooking your beast meats.
It also makes great tattoo ink. I never got one, but we use them to tat cows, and the nice part is this stuff glows in the dark so you can always find your cows.
This was just the first few days of me thinking in what I could use it for as this is amazing stuff. I am waiting for JMV to do a fly by to collect me that big donation so I can afford another gallon of this stuff, as I am thinking it will be just the thing for a muzzleloader in being both a propellant and cleaner.
The Lame Cherry desires to thank JMV or his magnanimous contribution to society and in being gracious for sharing his recipe for MACH 1 and for firing a gallon jug of it at me for testing.