As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
Now the way I heard it told, the principles in this were some Wyoming cowboys, a State Department ass kisser, some college boys who were armed gopher wardens, and a Shiras moose. Now that you know that, you can settle down for the story as knowing what you are dealing with in this faggots infested word is the best place to know not to end up in sodom.
So the year was 1973, and a guide out of Cody Wyoming. Out of Cody is kind of a misnomer, as 50 miles out of Cody is like being 50 miles out of Rhode Island and being in a real state.
So the guide gets approached discreetly by some jaybird, who says he has a special hunter who wants a Shiras moose for his collection. All kind of shadows behind the curtain, but it comes out that it is the Shah of Iran's boy, Prince Riza.
The negotiator is all promise though that this prince is not like Prince Charles of England of them dandies. No the Shah's boy is all one of the boys. Drinks water out of horse hoof prints, sleeps in his underwear in the snow, and used porcupine tooth picks to pick his teeth.
So all is agreed to, in the Prince, who sleeps like the boys as he is one of the boys, will be no trouble and needs only one pack horse as he uses his knife to shave, eat with, and sleep on at night as the is this frugal.
So the guide sends in the hunting guide, the cook and the horse wrangler 35 miles in, just north of Yellowstone, while he and his boy wait for the prince. The guide has the horses packed, saddled and ready, when his son said, "Dad I think we got a problem".
Well here came the prince,Abdul Reza Pahlavi , in a Jeep station wagon, loaded so heavy it was about busting the axel as it bladed the roads as it came grinding along in the wilderness.
Abdul Reza Pahlavi
Well the Persians get out, along with a State Department ass kisser. Here is what a State Department ass kisser looks like when it comes to ass kissing powerful rich people who might send some lucre your way for ass kissing.
State Department Ass Kisser
So with enough equipment to outfit and army, it is convey to the prince that all that equipment is not going to fit on one horse. So as the Persians were off sorting through things to decide what not to take along, the ass kisser begins instructing the cowboys on the proper etiquette in dealing with a prince.
No one is to speak to the prince directly. Everyone is to talk to the body guard to convey messages to he prince. The body guard is the size of a mountain and has an even larger Colt 45 pistol on his belt.
No one enters the prince's tent and the prince will dine alone. You know all the "one of the boys stuff".
About the time they are going to hit the saddles, up chugs a government gopher warden from Yellowstone, all breathless in delivering a message to the guide from his guide. It is short and to the point, "Do not camp over the divide, but stop on the other side tonight".
Well the guide thinks this is really great, as it must mean the grass is short of his string of ponies, as what else could it be. Yes what else could it be, but they get going all five of them, and it is a wonderful Wyoming early fall day of bright sun, crisp air and no cares in the world as they pull up the first camp for the night.
Well, about this time the body guard asks where the prince's tent is. That is a surprise as the prince being one of the boys was supposed to be sleeping under the stars, but the guide had a latrine tent, so the prince got that and the body guard got a pup tent the kids used.
So they get up the next morning as the prince stays in his tent all night, and are met by the other guide, who is promptly drawn upon by the body guard. That being settled, the guide asks the guide what is up with the note and he says that there is something screwy at their old camp site as the fish and wildlife have it all roped off, wood cut in piles , and a crap load of people are waiting around to meet the prince, who no one is supposed to know is even in the United States.
So the guide moved to a meadow no one knew about and set up the two wall tents there. That explained off they went, whereby the prince alighted from his horse, announced the big wall tent was his and disappeared.
The guides are puzzled as the prince is one of the boys, and was supposed to be sleeping with them, when not drinking water out of horse footy prints, but the prince gets the big tent, the guard gets the latrine tent, and the rest of them pile into the cook tent.
The tale of the tape is that the federal gopher police had arrived as the guide, wrangler and cook had set up camp in the rain, inside Yellowstone. You know the PEOPLE'S LAND, and ordered them off as they could not camp on their own land as they have for decades. 1973 and the assholes were in full anus mode already being hired by DC.
Next morning they are all up and rearing to go shoot a moose at 7 AM with horses saddled, except for the prince. Instead the guard comes forth and says the "prince will have hot tea, very sweet, when he calls for it", so the guides wait and the call for tea comes hours later, along with the demand for hot water so he can wash his hair.
Around 10 AM the prince is rearing to go hunting moose. The guide asks for lunches as they might as well have an evening hunt. That sort of does not pan out as the prince demands to be back in camp at 4 PM.
This hunting goes on for 5 days in hunting when no moose are up and about, with the prince hidden away in his tent and the guard only making contact to feed him.
On day six, things change. The main party has been fishing and enjoying themselves when the guide comes in and says the prince has shot a moose. When the boss guide asks him about it, he says, "Well I was busting brush for the prince, and he must have wanted him, as this little moose came out, and he put two rounds from a 300 Weatherby magnum into the chest and down went the moose. I have left the royal party back at the kill and we are all under instructions to not move the moose until all the trophy photos have been taken".
So the guide, his kid and the wrangler head to the moose kill, and just about reaching it, here comes the
prince, the body guard and the ass kisser. Ass kisser exclaims, "You won't believe it, but that dead moose just got up and ran away. The prince now states that you will take him on an evening moose hunt".
The guide looks at the other guide, and not wanting to cause an international incident, the guide takes the prince in his party out moose hunting while the boss returns to camp to mull things over and not saying a word.
When he gets to camp, Red the chef has been entertaining more gopher police who now start badgering the boss about why they are in this camp, and not the one the fish and game had built for them, and asking about the prince and wanting to meet him.
It is tallied that the prince is out hunting and will not be back until after dark, so the two feds move off back to fed land quarters and who appears but a Wyoming game and fish gopher patrol. Now the boss knows the local guy is good at nosing out poached game, but he knows the warden is not that good as the boss does not even know where that dead moose is, so a conversation begins.
The local asks the boss if the prince has a license. Asks if he has seen it. The boss says yes. Then the local says, "I talked to the governor about all of this and he told me to mind my own business. Are you sure he has a license?"
"Yup", the boss says,"I have seen it and the governor himself has signed it".
People learn to lie a great deal when dealing with the government.
So off the Wyoming gopher warden rides, and just in time, as the prince rides into camp after his afternoon hunt.
The other guide tells the boss they need to talk, so they go to the stream to get some water as the prince goes to his tent and the guard goes to the latrine tent, and the rest of the boys are around the fire where supper is being made.
The guide says, "I know that moose is dead". That is about all that needs to be said, as the boss decides that this kind of bullshit is not going to fly, as what this is about is the prince got buck fever and shot a little moose in being excited and now with the ass kisser plotted to let it rot, so as not to be humiliated.
Into the prince's tent the boss goes to the shock of the prince. He informs the prince as follows, "I know you shot that moose. I know it is dead. The hunt is over. You got your moose. You are going to tag it and we pack up and leave tomorrow as I am not going to lose my license to the state over this".
The prince then glares at the boss and hotly disputes the charges, which at this point the body guard appears, with 45 drawn and stuck in the gut of the boss with the prince behind him.
After some discussion in Persian talk, the prince negotiates that perhaps the guide and his crew could forget all of this, they could continue hunting as the prince could pay them to be forgetful.
The boss is insulted at the bribe and says the cowboys would be too. Besides if the gopher wardens got wind of this, and they would the first damn time an eagle lit on that moose cadaver, and it would be the boss' ass in a sling.
With that understood, the hunt was over, and for the first time, the prince ate out under the stars with the rest of the cowboys.
They packed the moose out, but it was our, as moose have thick hides and spoil quickly, but the moose was packed out and in a few years Jimmy Carter betrayed the Shah and his whole family fled for their lives as those British communist turban heads took over slaughtering their own and Americans.
Now don't get me wrong. I like Persians. The women are pretty. The men are handsome, but damn that majority in Obama London charge now just hate themselves and the rest of the world. Just makes for one big bad moose hunt each day.
That is though the story.
That is at least how I heard it when it was told to me.
Nuff Said
agtG
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