and Mother Mary may I get all the things those greedy American White people have....
As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
Well TL and I attended my 3rd Catholic religion swaree, a celebration of life.......well I would be a Pater Pope celebrating life too if I had people paying me thousands of dollars to pray your sinful non donating asses out of purgatory, as I would not have any money worries with thousands of donatione like that. That must be some kind of power, but then I do have that kind of power in retaining your sins for stealing from poor me. Just don't make much sense the delusions people have in thinking they can treat me like dust on the curb and Jesus is going to be dusted off when they die, and wipe all of that sin away. Didn't work for the rich man and Lazarus, but that is the reason hell is there, to fill it up with you non donors or the pretenders who can be a little faithful and think they got a perpetual pass.
So it was Bob's funeral. The undetaker never does a good job, make them look like they came out of a mould at the plastic factory. The family did the whole 14,000 dollar treatment though, rustic wood coffin, duck hunt burning on the inside and Bob laid out. They did it right as Bob had on his blue jeans, his cowboy shirt, buckle, boots and his trademark hat laid out beside him. As I write this, I never new how much I loved that old man I have known my entire life, as he was the toughest son of a bitch kind hearted character who was allot like my Beloved Uncle.
The bull roughed him up bad. His hands were bruised bad and he had a few marks on his face. Fought like hell he did and it upset him as we could feel it as he struggled in dying. I could feel him pass though when he died. The turmoil was gone. What followed is what I could feel was Bob Joy as he was with his wife around these parts again. I told that to his namesake today and he said, "Yeah you can feel Dad around the yard, not the house, but you can feel his presence around the place.".
Having been to 3 Catholic things and not struck by lightning, I don't know what the hell their funerals or mass are. One had hocus pocus, one was allot of potions and this one was the most Lutheran of the mix. I was sitting in the right side back, furthest to the east the Protestants would veture to the great mystery. Bob must have paid a good fee as he had two priests doing the work and a host of chorus boys and there was even a chorus girl, as the Vatican is branching out.
They had a cripple chorus boy up on stage. I guess they are easier for the priests to chase down. Thing in the padre even brought that up in the service in why Bob stayed around. That is it with them padres. He was doing right well as a Lutheran in eulogizing dead Bob in what a loving guy he is, and then he swerved off into saint worship in one of the horse saints and one got tossed into a bear den, the bears laid at his feet, and they cut his head off, but his blood they kept and the clots turn liquid 3 time a year. I don't know the dates as the padre was not that specific, but I think there was some other miracle too in the horse guy his heart is still cherry apparently. I don't see why Melania Trump just didn't conjure that good heart up as no one was using it for that dead Italian kid she prayed for as that kind of heart would be green in quite reusable. Might even get more miracles out of the deal.
That is the thing, in I was expecting the cripple kid to be raised from the wheels, but nothing happened. I was concerned about him as Dan was messing his hair up teasing him on the eucharist thing, and the kid looked about ready to go toe tag as them Catholics put on a 90 minute production. Old duffer ahead of us, had to sit down in all the praying and prancing around, and I thought he was going to die.
Oh there was real interesting drama as the vestile virgins were there. TL thought the little cherubs were going to take their order or something, but this father, mother and two daughters were 3 pews ahead of us. They came in, the mum had on the black veil, and girls had their white virgin veils on, and they dropped the kneeling bench in being left leggers and they went at it for a powerful long time. As Bob did not knock on wood and raise from the dead, TL thought it was them praying him out of purgatory. I just know the old man gave up first, then the youngest daughter ended her leg bends, and then the mother slumped back into the pew, and older daughter who was holding out for Olympic gold joined her a few moments later. Odd how these were homely girls, but were quite enticing with them veils on their heads. I thought they were praying for husbands with large male organs as that seemed approrpriate in their being unwed, and would not ever mother want husbands for their cherubs?
Whatever was going on, there was only 4 of them going at it, as the regular Catholics were just knee bending and doing the sign before entering. Well except for the guy I went to school with, in he has bad back, so he gets to do the bow thing and that suffices I guess.
With the readings of Proverbs and I John which were quite Lutheran, the priests took over and the family gets to join in the eucharist now. Dan got a slug of the wine and got to hold the chalice in the audience. I don't think any of them got the blood, as that is verboten in the Vatican in the priests get the wine and the flock gets the wafers. Anyway I have watched them padres pop it out of a box by magic, watched them mix drinks with holy water, and I was sitting their cringing as I watched him pouring the unused sipped in wine into one cup, as I knew that rascal was going to be slugging it down, and sure enough, spit from his flock and all, that wine was gone in one big swig.
I think he was five minutes at wiping the chalices out, and then covering up those silver cups. I swear there were simpler jigsaw puzzles to put together than the hodge podge of stuff he was stacking and folding things up that the kid got.
In the meantime, the Asian kid was running around on a pew which was entertaining for me and loud.
Back that padre thing, next up was the incense. I don't know what stunk worse, the incense or the food in the basement cooking up. Smelled like bad Lutheran hotdish leftovers. They loaded up the incense burner and got to swinging that thing around. I told TL it was probably for stinky dead bodies in the old days. It got to us though and fortunately I did not have an allergic reaction.
30 minutes too long into this, it finally was the parade down the aisle in everyone wanting to get out, or to the food in the basement. I made for the door with TL and regaled TL with off color and tasteless comedy remarks as TL added TL's version of why Catholics steal Protestant tunes, change the words and look at us like we are the ones going to hell, like my non donors.
They even changed the Bible in I John, in the part about if our heart convicts us, God is greater than our hearts.
I was just glad I bought a pair of 25 cent slacks in the thrift store a year ago for a funeral. I just did not know it was going to be Bob's that I auditioned them in.
I will never get Catholic funerals as they got things going on which I can never find information on, and it will be the same this time with the veiled women of the pew. I think I would be more favorable to that religion of the women all head veils on their heads. It makes them look Amish and everyone likes contemplating how homely Amish women are and yet attractive.
I figure Bob is in Heaven now with his wife, as he felt too happy to be in limbo. Probably was stunned to joy that there is no purgatory and he got the good seats right away. Being a good guy is not what it is all about, but about Faith and I figure Bob had Faith in Who matters in Christ as does Dan, as Dan's prayer started all of this in Bob was failing and he would not have wanted to be in a geezer home. We are going to miss that old shit, but that is they way it is, as I miss lots of the old shits from around here who are dead. They were all good guys, unlike the shit that is the younger stock. It is just them Catholics in their ceremonies in I can't figure out what in the devil they are up to. I think they should have a play by play like .........for a magic trick the eucharist will appear......here comes the part about Catholics are a government and rule the world.........and here come the veil girls to entice good things from God.
Maybe I should get a veil and God will pony up for some fire and brim on non donors. Put the scare into them.
We will miss you Bob. May your horses in Heaven buck, but may you never get throwed.
Nuff Said
agtG
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