Lame Cherry: The Great Expanse

So pilgrim, you're lookin' to be American are you?

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

I am remiss in sometimes I forget the real people in this world who are venturing to the great expanse of America yet and leaving behind Obamaness and Ivanka undies. For them, they desire the real information, and that information is about how to kill things.

See in real life, you live on your Ponderosa or Brier Patch and about the time you think you got heaven on earth, either the damn Indians are kicking in your door high on meth, someone from the a liberal state drove to the wilds to dump up off a cut up woman in a cooler or your chickens are getting et.

By the way, those are all events of the Brier Patch as I life in one wild and wooly area where the living is interesting. Where else can I run a college boy out of an eatery, having him flip me off all fag like, but in the great expanse.

The subject today is killing varmints, critters you call them, shit that has fur and no rich women are buying fur, so it rots, but before it does, it kills your cats or your chickens.

The remedy which beloved Uncle taught me was a live trap. Honestly, he ordered his from a guy in South Dakota when long hair fur was high. I think dudes name was Clint Smith out of Miller, or Clint Miller out of Smith. No matter as I never ordered any traps, and the ones I ordered BU told me were too small, as I got mine cheap from a guy named Meyer in Iowa.
Except for one big ass boar coon bending the trigger rod into a pretzel, my 24 dollar traps have never let me down. Have caught a pile of varmints in them from woodchuck, coon, possum, cats and skunks. Lots of skunk.

Now I am not going to tell you the secret bait for coon trapping ,as those who have donated can always ask as they write to me, and those who do not donate, can just look at empty traps and chicken feathers, but this is about killing coon and not feeding coon.

No we come at night because we are honest folk....

OK, I am poor so I shoot my trapped critters with a 22 long rifle, Super X Winchester hollow point. Coons are easy as they usually just look up at you like a democrat caught raping your child in saying, "You really didn't see me did you?"
About that time I have the barrel poked through the 1 inch wire and thud goes the gun and the coon starts thrashing around like a stuck hog. Coon bleed fierce just like pigs.
It is over though by the time you unload your gun and get to work fetching it out.

Oh pistols work for up close work, but that calls for shorts which are expensive or caps, but nothing handier than six gun for shooting coon in the head.

I plug em betwixt the ears and not betwixt the eyes

BU used to let his skunks out of the cage as less stink in the cage, but I discovered skunk run like raped apes and you usually get just one poke at them before they hit cover, so while I do not recommend this for the cheechako, the green horn, the novice, this is what I do.

See BU's traps have inch lock washers for locks. Mine has a half inch burr which slides down. Mine will not turn over and open the door, but Uncle's would, as why he left them loose in the skunk.

Stick with me boys and I'll get you out of them liberal skunk skin hats and into an American coonskin.

For skunk, I have a very accurate Stevens 3 in 1 which sometimes does not like going off. Reminds me writing this that I have to pull the trigger on it to let the spring air out, as it no longer has power for the job and often it just goes click.

So in our live traps as I have one of BU's as he left it to me when he died, there are rectangular areas where the locks run and on the top of the cage. What I do is approach a skunk about 8 feet away, squat down, take a steady rest, and then aim really careful so I do not hit any rods ( I think I have only hit the lock rods twice in all the years). Anyway, I wait for a head or neck shot when the skunk stops raising hell......and never am around when he has his ass to me, as that is trouble for me, and I pole axe the little bastard.

When unloading the trap I try not to get blood, saliva, piss and shit on everything, still wear gloves, but all the same I try and roll them out, but they get stuck and you have to put some muscle into it, juggling the trap around to birth that dead skunk.

I use a pitch fork to haul them away. Mine I leave out in the open. Throw them at the end of the driveway, covered up with straw on the neighbors, and that leaves an aroma when I get a west wind.....helps me tell which way the wind is blowing and at times I get buzzards pecking at things and I do enjoy that.

Skunk are the only thread the bullet thing I do, and those damned things spray most of the time, no matter with rib shots, head shots or spine shots. Last one I shot was pole axed in the neck. I thought I got away with it, and then it started to relax and out came the yellow piss.
I don't mind it that bad, as I leave the skunk in the trap for awhile to let things air out before I set up for the night again.

If a trap won't hold your fat ass dressed out, it ain't what yer looking for

Oh, I know they do not allow such things in stores, but if you can't stand on a box trap, don't buy the damn thing. You need something that will last......and forget double door things and stay away from that tilt up pan. Buy a trap that has an oven rack trigger that drops down. That other stuff like my Meyer traps are just not the best. Trigger is simpler, but it is not as efficient.

So as Fess Parker used to tell me, "I like my powder dry, my women wet and don't ever touch my gun, my manhood or my coonskin cap, or I'll be wearing you come winter", yes Fess was quite particular about things for saintly man, portraying both Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett, and where I was going with this I do not know, but I reckon TL and I will both be auditioning for a coon skin cap come next year, as nothing keeps your head warm like a coonskin cap.