As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
I wanted to thank those who sent sympathies on the death of my brother. God bless each of you for your kindness, care and listening.
I have not been emotional in this as I really did not feel I had a brother for a number of years. The personal details are mine, but I still went above and beyond ...........no I did what God expects of a Christian as the one thing I was never going to do in this, was displease God. I sin enough and am not about to displease God on a major issue and have to answer for it.
I was looking at photos, or was moved to on the obit page, as it said you could upload pictures, and since I knew no one else was going to do it as my sisters are phone it in types who make a Jew look like he squanders money, I looked through the old photo albums and found eight photos that said this is who he was.
That part I get emotional over as I do look at people's eyes, and he was a good kid. I found pictures of him with our dead sister and with our Beloved Uncle, because that pretty well summed up who my brother was. When my sister got killed in a car accident, our family just kind of drifted as my next oldest sister was lackluster compared to the dynamics of my other sister. From then on suffered their abuse as I was the one who was to be a failure so their failed existences would not look like shit.
I keep thinking how life changes people. Even low IQ Blacks in prison do not birth with the thought that they are going to be molested as kids, learn to survive in being an animal and getting ass raped in prison. Yes the Christian in Christ overcomes and does not let the evil change them, but life is so shitty it just wears on everyone, and even good people get an edge on them.
The Bible says in the end times that the love of many will wax cold. I certainly feel a definite chill toward others as I stopped putting up with bad misbehavior. I'm not on this world to be abused by others. I have a place I'm going in serving God, and that is my focus and the rest of this ilk is dust off my shoes.
I do know my brother deserved better in whatever changed him. It was not much that could be done when I came along late and too the family's attention, and his jealousy and then his just taking it out on me, because this lonely boy did not have things turn out the way he wanted, is something an adult just has to deal with.
There comes a time though that when you make your bed you lay in it. He made his choices, he offended me, and I refused to be offended any more. When he started having lockdown issues and then health issues, he started reaching out. By then it was too late, as when the mother died, I wiped the slate clean, gave us a new start, and soon enough for status he was choosing people with money over me. I would check on him, and he would not respond for weeks. The only contact for a very long time was his either accidentally dialing me or messaging someone else and I got the message. He was drinking and I wanted no part of it, so his friends could support him in what he went through.
There comes a point in I can get treated like shit by strangers. I do not need to be treated like shit by people I'm related to. There are regrets in this, I never said Happy Birthday, never replied to him, but it came down to it, his daughter knew we were not talking, but not why and he knew why we were not talking and he never bothered to say he was sorry, he just compounded it.
I just know I have more compassion for him and others in being sad in what life turned them into, than they ever will or would for me. There is nothing that can be done about the past with the dead. It is what it is, so you just go on as that is what life is. He made decisions which I would no longer deal with. That is what brought my regrets. There never was any regret on his part, except for a sibling who would no longer accept being mistreated.
What is the moral of this examination of human forensic psychology is for people to treat people with respect, even if you do not respect yourself. They may not deserve respect, but if they make a habit of disrespect, you cut the cord. I do not think my brother really had any idea what he had done, as he was doing things in his own psychopathy which were reactions. He was competing with me and failing, and I was not competing with him at all. When I was miserable I never took it out on my siblings as I was pleased they had lives being fulfilled when I had nothing, an they enjoyed my nothing.
There is not a great sibling love left as my thoughts even on the brother I had in name only, that he was not the worst person, just annoying. His sisters he would not talk to, were deserving of his end. As the vax is injected into my sisters and their husbands, I suspect in the not too long, I will be what I always was, an only child. I highly doubt I will be interceding one iota on my sisters, the way I did with my undeserving brother. My brother found mercy and grace, because his daughter is a wonderfully strong and thoughtful person.
So many born. so many called and so few chosen. I suppose God did the math in this in proportions to achieve His numbers. Perhaps I loused up God's numbers in administering the saving Grace. No good deed though seems to go unpunished. What it comes down to is my doing the right thing and that is all I have responsibility for I sorrow over how life damages most people and that is where my compassion is. I sorrow not for the dead nor their being absent, as most are absent from my life already, and I know that if I ever get out of this body, there will be a fight with Jesus to shove me back in.
Most people's problem is they only have feelings for themselves and the feelings of others never enter their feelings, so they act out bad, and hurt others, because of their hurts. All of this is playing out several billion times a day. The injuries in these non Protestant Christian ebbing times are a cancer which keeps eating away at the love of God. The innocence of humanity is eroding away to an earlier age daily in goodness is just disappearing from the child and the child in us. I mourn for that, not for the dead.
agtG
