I tried finding an email address on you, but like all big shots, you keep things hidden as you are too good for the public and only have that Limbaugh clique dribbling around, so now you will have to find me through back channels like all the powerful folks do to make contact......and if you steal these plans for CNN, I will sue your asses till they pucker so tight not even pencil prick Ed Schultz could ream Andersen a new one.
Where was I?
Gay sex talk......No not that.
CNN, you suck. Not as bad as FOX, but you suck in you have nothing that appeals to Americans, so here is what I will do in saving your sucky network.
First fire that whole bunch of suckass weasels you got working there, and hire some foreigners.
Try that French chic who works for the Lame Cherry News Network, as she likes getting naked with that gay boy she rats around with and start from there.
Hire that former half naked Keiran Chetry or whatever her name was. A real go getter until Uncle Roger canned her......maybe she works for you, but the point is, get her skirt hiked up and let her do what she does best in thigh talking.
Then there is that Karin Gionnoni or something from the BBC. From South Africa....and some Benny Hill looking strawberry blonde with that English cold fish appeal with big knockers. No one listens to the news, so just have a bunch of News Teases on, and have them read things.
Next, get in a bunch of bloggers, like Lame Cherry, and just have Presenters read the fricking blogs as that is all that matters now in nothing else matters. Kick in Micki Malkin as she can write, is a happy person and again is a chica with looks.
Swing hard right. So hard it makes Obama squeal, and FOX look like the left wing trash they are. Even hire my buddy Keeter Olbermann back to do right wing commentary as I'm still upset I got him fired for outing him as a Conservative.
Frankly I would put on Pat Sajak or whatever his name is from Wheel of Griffin for a Weekend show, do Chuck Wollery or whatever his name is from the old Wheel......toss in Angie Harmon, Ted Nugent and whoever else makes the GOP cringe in being right wing, and let them fly on things.
Frankly, if Howard Stern will fry people like he does without talking about sex all the time, put him on at 11 o' clock and let him have it at politicians......maybe even get some slap fights go on, if you arm them all with Skittles and hoodies.
Stern would call out blacks for voting for Obama the white and it is past time this is done.
It is pretty simple to save CNN, in you just take FOX's disgruntled audience away from them. People who do not watch television watch MSNBC now and people who want to watch television have no channel to watch.
Give Michael Savage and hour nightly to do what he does, and I would even throw in Scott Hennen from Fargo, doncha know, and you got a cable network which would garner FOX numbers.
Look the BBC listened to me, and they pussed out, but the ideas I have work, and will save CNN by making it the Lame Cherry News Network. I don't want to run your piss ass network, but I do want the cash as I got things to do in major projects I'm involved in.....top secret stuff you know, or you don't know, but I'm going to rescue Baby the greatest plasma mind ever and put the ape brothers on the right track, as Schiller deserves better than what he got.
Rats now you know what I'm up to.......all the things and you just got it out of me in one paragraph. Good think I never wrote about the Fraulein in rescuing her too.
Any event, you got the beginning here CNN in the platform to get ratings back in someone actually watching your non watchable station.
Not going to give away all my secrets to you Mockingbird starlings. Come with the cash and I will save your ass.
agtG
