Wednesday, December 16, 2015

The M in Texas

As a personal note.

I wanted to share a part of a note I received not about the donation part, because we are grateful for what people give, but for the part about people feeling like they should give and for the devil's attacks, life gets in the way.

(Sorry I could not get into email yet, but this is about M in Texas.)

I would define my life as one of being soul raped from the start. It was a hard life, with a few things going right, which seemed to only sour in making the rest of the misery seem worse. I know what it is for those who are in prison for taking those wrong steps, because it is never one wrong step, but a series of stumbling short ones, in which you just seem to find yourself one day facing a person you never recognize. But for the Grace of God, I never got that far.
My neighbor's little brothers did get that far, but were fortunate in a brush with felony, brought them back with a strong family, where they are productive people.

It was when I entered the internet in this shattered condition, I was preyed upon the low lifes which inhabit here. I learned that being nice to people, had them presume it was weakness and being Christian and caring was a license to exploit me. The internet is filled with shattered people, who have nothing and can pretend here to be something. It is why Facebook is such a heinous site, as it preys on the weak, like handing dope to an addict. It is why people deprived of Facebook commit suicide, and the marketers know damned sick what they are doing to exploit people.

Into this I met someone who said they were abused, was married, and I fell in love. Everything in me was flashing warning signs, but the evidence came out slowly. I remember it was during a storm and we were on the phone, and out slipped a confession of being 4 times. I was shocked and the Christian part of me wanted to believe in second chances, but I knew better and should have run, but being vulnerable as emotions make people, it only got worse.

There were confessions of having done more dope than I knew existed on the planet in varieties. Then there was the one about being involved in an abortion. It was a most interesting time of it, like the character from True Grit who got shot by a little girl, after murdering her father in crying out, "Why do bad things always happen to me?"

It all culiminated in this person visiting their friend in another state and having sex with this friend's cousin. I was naive at the time, and I still remember this person was there and handed a beer to this demoniac I was in love with  as we were on the phone as an ultimate bitch slap.

I was in love with an illusion, as most people discover far too late. There are predators in this world who are weak, and they seek out nice people, who they think will fill in the emptiness, and after it does not work, they simply move on in their sociopathic natures like nothing happened.

I remember when things were really falling apart in my being screamed at, and being told one night on the phone, "What are you going to do commit suicide?" Yes, that was not a question, but a prod to do it.

Unfortunately, I was robbed by this person, and offered up to satan, and left for dead literally. I still do not know for certain if this person poisoned some Christmas cookies they gave me, or if it was filled with such toxins that it about made me go coma.

I watched God dismantle this horrid person's life, and, I found them recently again online, with that background about Christmas before it was. Yes that notes they are still a troubled soul as they should be, but they are now in Mississippi, having conned some moronic landowner there to wed them, as they are now engaged in agriculture.

It was hard to pick things up after all of this. Being poor and robbed from, really sucked as much as the other things I went through, brought me to a period of my life where the position I had was a good thing God kept me, as I did not take the steps which I would now regret.

I had a series of hanger's on, like most of you do. You know the soul sucking type, who claim to be friends, and all they do is use you like a trinket on a tree. The world is a wicked place and as the Holy Ghost breathed life into me, I decided I would not let the evil change the good in me.

As people can read, I am still a target of satan on numerous fronts and I do exhibit a great deal of patience, even if others have called me a bully. I know what I am dealing with for the most part, as each of you do who are good. There are always people who take an inch and then shove you out of the way to take your life.

When I focus on those things, they still bother me like being held captive and tortured for years. I though instead take things to God and expect His reckoning. I have had Him do pleasant things in killing people, powerful people in their having surgical complications which should never happen, and I have had Him "only" do unto them as they did unto me. I sincerely believe like the Sodomites, their sin is not yet complete, or their souls are not so seared that no repentance could occur.
There time will come, as God is Just and they will answer for their harm now and however Christ Judges it in their end.

I simply had a life of extremely hard satanic pummellings from childhood on. I do not say that as some "I had it worse than others", because each of us has degrees in things hurt others worse than some. Some people are devastated if their athletic or mental attributes are ended. That is not what would bother me that much, so that is not something that satan attacks at. I am like most people in love is used as a weapon against me to destroy me.

I do not have a perfect life, because parts of my family have been pissers and TL's family have been equal to the urinal spray, but before TL some weeks all I had was looking forward to a cup of tea, with cream and honey on Saturday with Mom, and if I did that too often it made me ill.
I learned to survive in Christ carrying me as there is nothing else. Finding something to appreciate,  getting yourself to hell away from bad people, letting things go which can not be fixed in an imperfect world, and the change in me is not wanting things in this world any longer. I figure what God brings I receive, and I just want to make it to Heaven, not get murdered for doing this blog pushing the edge, and in Heaven, I will not remember all the shit here, which I would like to strike like a bolt of lightning over, but I do not as God has a better way, and I have to prove by patience and not by words.

I am fortunate I am exhausted in most cases, and having a clean conscience in not deliberately hurting others, makes days pass swiftly. I am too busy to focus on what was or could have been as all there is, is now.

My Beloved Uncle told my brother awhile before he died, "You know I got a pretty good gun, a pretty good boat, a pretty good pick up." It was his way of saying he was content with what he had and he was doing what he wanted.
Uncle did not have a life without horrid hurts. His first love he could not marry as she was Catholic. Gram prayed for him to be wounded in war to come home, so he about got his leg blown off. It swelled to black and twice it's size, but it was saved. He was disabled.
His brother was a bastard, broke up a second love, for a chance at life and he was the one who had to look after Gram and Grampa.
I know he never figured his life would be like that, and he died after having brain cancer which killed him in a few months.

Nothing was perfect in our relationship, as he was hard headed and I was hard headed, but in the end I trusted him and he trusted me, and that was what it was all about, and what it is always about. I did not know how to wrap this up, and the Holy Ghost usually saves me, to make this blog make what sense it does.

It is not love. It is not money. It is not anything but trust which is what life is built on. If you do not trust people, then you should be asking what in this world you have those people around you for, because in emotional situations you are going to get the hard lesson like I did my vulture sisters.
Yes you can keep people and things around for petting, but they will bite you eventually at the worst times. I figure I trust the Father, Jesus and the Holy Ghost. I trust the Holy Angels and I trust the Saints. I can trust Mom, and I trust TL as TL has proven trustworthy time and again.
I do trust many of you, but I have to keep distance as numbers of you start having interesting electronic events in your lives in just reading this blog or becoming aware that satan is involved, working off of other sinful people's thoughts about you.

I can  tell you that there are energy curves which work against people. Staying with God though, you grow in His Spirit and become the greater energy. This is that purpose in becoming a brighter light for God's Glory. It hurts and it pains by what we are carried through, but it is a reality of that is the way it works in the Way. When you are God's you are a light in this world and that sticks out like a beacon and evil goes to it to sometimes try and hide in it, be justified in it or to destroy you.

I keep telling myself the verse in Isaiah about all memories of this place will one day vanish in eternal life. I still desire God to fire and brimstone things, but it allows me to be kind. Granted my kindness is rewarded by Baby Belle stepping on my foot today or some sharp word from Mom in having a bad day, but I have my sharp words and in imperfection am found not blessing, but saying "dumb ass" about some driver. Things I still need to work on in this vocation I am called.

I do not believe this blog's best purpose if Prophetic. It has been instead a community of Saints. Like King David in his band in the wilderness, the brier patch is someplace where a few with some money kept things afloat here in donations, so their goodness could be known in action, and some others who needed a wound dressed, allowed God to work through me. It is helping each other.
Yes the above will be exploited by some nasty tools of satan in thinking they have discovered things, but it is their loss in exposing the consumption of their souls instead of their compassion. They are hurt and seek to hurt. I will not pass it along though, so it ends. The day they could have accomplished good day after day, they chose to do evil.

I choose like most of you to accomplish Christ's Good in what is crippled and retarded, compared to what God would do in perfection.

I have said it is easy being a christian when you are rich and your preacher is smiling at you because you are rich. Those christians though get cancer and end up in hell, because when they are given time to make things right, they instead hang onto their money even tighter as that is their god and it is all they are worth.

You are called and chosen, a peculiar people, peculiar in God knew you before you were born, and God has a plan which will take you from the hurts to His perfection, and all of this will pass away from memory.

These things which were done to you, have been done to God for you are His. He will deal with it all. We are to remove ourselves the best we can from evil people and bad situations, and from experience not get into situations like this again..........speaking from experience I had a person jerk me around a second time in promising love, and they knew every detail of what had happened to me, but being a tool of satan, they stabbed me in the back again, as the devil does not play fair nor stop when it has you down.

Lord Father, carry your children in Christ and breathe into them Your Holy Spirit, as Holy Angels minister to them, and Saints pray for them to be protected and prospered for all Your Glory, in Jesus Name Amen and Amen

There are ways to give beyond money, and you found a way in prayer. God bless you.