Thursday, December 29, 2016

I think that was Cuisine

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

I always think of that PBS Create TV chef who had this black thing in the pan....well lots of black things in the pan, and I looked at it remembering my childhood eating black things and saying, "Mom that tastes burnt to me", and being told to eat it anyway, but I heard this chef announce, "That is carmalized".
Yes that is the correct spelling as he was from Louisiana in how he said it like most people do.

It is an odd thing if you go to France for example, you get all these French chefs which have converted the world to cuisine and not eating. Cuisine has things like pate' and salads. It is odd that on the farm we called them things guts and weeds, which no self respecting person would ever eat.
In the hinterlands guts got fed to the cats and weeds to the cows, while in five star restaurants the rich people pay 100 dollars a plate to eat cat can cow food.

People are interesting that way. Like in Scotland you can eat haggis which is the stomach of a critter. Sweet meats are the thymus gland out of a critter, and in America if you fry up a hog hide, you get something that makes you want to vomit for old greasy saddle taste.....not that I go around sucking on horse saddles.......but you get something called hog rinds which Southern aristocracy just loves to munch on.

It reminds me those Lutherans, Norwegian and German in America. I think it is genetic as the mothers pass this on to their hunting sons, as the same recipes of cuisine and culinary arts appear with the words "this is soooo good".
What it entails is, you got a funeral, and not wanting to splurge as it is a funeral and you are stuck by the Lady's Aide to bring something, you fish out some boxes of pasta.....or noodles as everything is called, that has those weevils in them and probably mouse turds too as the Mrs. forgot that box fell behind the cases of Crisco she has stocked up on for the week supply of feeding her brood, and then you get a rusty topped can of Cream of Something Soup. I swear that Campbells created an entire French chef nation of dishes as if you got Cream of Celery, Cream of Chicken and Cream of Mushroom, you never will be without cuisine. Cream of Something to Lutherans is what WD40 is to NASCAR fans. You put it on for deoderant, use it in place of Prep H, eat it on cornflakes and it keeps away the bugs. There is no end to what Cream of Something and WD40 can be used for. Although I have not yet eaten Cream of WD40 at a Lutheran funeral.

I have suffered through Cream of Porcelain Pan though many times. It is what sportsmen use too, to turn roadkill into delicacies.
See it goes like this, you got something dead, whether a human or a coon on the road. The human you put in a casket  and the coon in a pan. For the human, you got the cooter noodles, probably old hamburger and Cream of Something and voila, you got 10 gallons of funeral eats. Never have figured out how a Lutheran woman could make enough food to feed Poland out of a box of noodles and a can of soup.
For sportsmen it usually goes like this in you got this raw roadkill, and you slap it into the pan on high heat as hotter the better to kill all them worms in wild meat. After you get it black or caramelized, you deluged it with those exotic spices of salt and pepper, throw in some garlic to cover up the rotten meat funerals you get lilies..........and then you throw it in the oven for however long it takes you to clean your gun, wash your dog, take the mile high pile of gumbo off your boots and watch a football game, and then you got supper, and everyone sits around saying "this is so good" when asked by the chef, and they are all thinking, "This tastes just like the burnt food at French restaurants so this must be cuisine".

I remember my childhood in my food group was Crisco. Crisco took the place of everything really and it also added to the larder. Heck fire, you could butcher a pound and half Leghorn rooster and feed 10 people with it, after Mom floured them chicken pieces of up fried it up in a pan of Crisco.
Mind you it was never crispy, but completely like covered in burnt lard flavored chicken, but it was sure to turn any happy American couple from thin 18 year olds to 300 pound 40 year olds. In the feedlot we called it "condition", while in diet books it was obese.
Thing is you never made any money on skinny beef cattle so obese was a good thing....come to think of it, we never made money on fat beef either as either the corn was high priced when we fed it and the cattle were low priced or the that is the way it always was in we never made money, but we always had Crisco and one chicken that could feed the family and the relatives on Sunday.

I sort of am waiting for the Crisco cuisine to appear on Create TV. Crisco I think started out as submarine lubricant or something. That would be a memory to make my gut or pate cringe as it always did to nausea. Perhaps they could round up Lutheran women to do the cooking, invite in guest sportsman to lather on Cream of Something birch bark or used tires and it would all be cuisine.

Sort of reminds me of the morning my sisters cooked up my bass for breakfast.....inside the scrambled eggs. For some reason that never caught on in fishy eggs......well just was missing the Crisco flavor we always got at home.