Saturday, May 27, 2017

Ode to know a Good Fish

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

I really was thinking and pondering this, that there is something wrong with bass fishermen. As I thought about it, I think there is something wrong with trout fishermen worse.

These two fish have to be thee most stupid creatures on the planet. The big mouth bass bites on anything, especially like plastic worms which nothing would touch, and trout, you got them biting on these feathers on hooks.
Now mind you trout are stupid fish and their fishermen are more stupid, but not the most stupid people on the planet, because if they would just put salmon eggs on a hook, trout stupidly feed on that like hogs to the trough.....hell trout will bite on canned corn too, but at least they do not eat plastic worms.

See the most stupid people are musky fishermen. They throw these bucktail spinners at muskellunge when if they just put a chub on a bare hook, a bobber the size of a softball, and sat on shore they would catch musky up the ass, but now musky fishermen are the golfers of the fishing world in throwing things at muskies they will never bite on, and then call the tough fish to catch.

Same way with trout fishermen, if they would stop trying to fish feather on top of water like Jesus, they would catch some of those disgusting trout, and trout are disgusting to eat in being such mush fish. Chuck Yeager says Golden Trout are the best eating, but I think that is because they are frozen in the rivers so they are not mushy.

That is the thing in this, bass are like eating the ears off a pig in cartilage and trout are like eating oatmeal on a summer day. Neither one have any attributes a person with a tongue that can taste would have anything to do with.

Granted muskies are ok eating fish. The Northern pike and Pickerel are, well this light translucent sweet meat, but you got to know how to cut out the Y bones or you are choking on them. I get tired of pike real fast though, as they have such a sweet meat.

Sure no one eats bass as it is about fighting them. I got no time for that either, in stripping line off my expensive reel, whipping my Cherrywood rod, and a few minutes of that, and you got a fishy hands and a fish thrown back into the lake.
I am not into catch and release. My world is catch and eat as I don't have life force to waste on pleasure.

It is like those salmon. There is another fish glorified in being nothing but a bass with an attitude. Put a big rod and reel on those bastards and they reel in too. Then you got this fishy carp tasting thing that you tell yourself is culinary as you got these 10 pound slabs of shit to eat that you would feel bad throwing out to the cats, as God might notice and put you in hell for wasting food.

I figure if you want to fish salmon, you might as well be like Iowa people and fish carp. I don't get Iowa folk either. Run into them one time, and they were throwing back the good fish to eat, as they wanted them oily damn fishy tasting carp. That is like eating coon lure, and I hate coons too. The four legged variety.

Carp though got a good pull to them though, but people who fish carp get laughed at like golfers laugh at badminton players.
Carp eat corn, dough, but not as bad as catfish which eat rotten things like liver.

I can understand catfish fishermen though as they got like 500 hooks, an automatic setter, go home and have sex and beer, and come back to knock the fish in the head. That is like killing 3 birds with one stone. Catfish though are like perch, eat enough of them and you get tired of eating fish.

I like perch fishing though. The little buggers make you feel alive when you are hauling them in. They are pretty, eat live things and that I get as I have respect in that, no corn, just things that wiggle.

That brings me to the fish I like. Walleyes and Crappies, because I like eating things that do not taste like cat food. Crappies are pretty, and more fillet than them poor bluegills. I like bluegills, but blessed Lord, you just do not get plate sized sunnies around ever, and end up with these 50 cent things that you just throw back.
Crappies though got it all going on, are pleasant fish and taste good in being easy to clean. You can understand a crappie fisherman too, all business in being there to catch fish and no fancy bass boats.

That is the thing that I have about walleyes though in they are the tennis snobs of the fishing world, now that the money showed up. So you got the big boats, pompous know it alls with sponsors, and each one spouting off what their sponsor wants to sell you in their tournaments, like those bib overall bubbas used to be in bass boats down south.

Walleye are easy, they like nightcrawlers on a bottom bouncer drifted or a pretty artificial lure that moves like a dog shaking a rat to death. There is not much fight in walleyes or crappies either, but this is about eating and a pound and half, iron pan fried walleye in egg and flour coating is the lobster of the fish world.

So it seems that besides my hating stupid fish, I hate fishy fish and it is all compounded by snobby, rich, bone head fishermen, thinking they were Izaak Walton or something.

I have had some of my worst and miserable days fishing. Beloved Uncle was a walleye and crappie fisherman....and pike. God in Heaven, he used to boil my brains out, cook me, cover me with gnats and crack my bones on big waves, but I look back on it all fondly now, as his no nonsense fishing for 12 hours straight caught us fish and taught me how to fish.We always caught the fish we were supposed to when Beloved Uncle was running the outboard......with brother expert we caught those damned silver bass. I swear that is the fly insect vermin of the fishing world. People who are stupid love white bass as those fish will bite on anything before a bass, musky or trout will.

Someday I hope to fish Golden Trout and remember Chuck Yeager and then be disappointed as TL and I fry them up and I will say, "This tastes like those damned trout! Whose stupid idea was this anyway as we could be out fishing walleyes through the ice freezing our asses off", as would of course not be complaining about that on a 3 foot sheet of ice in January.

I do plan when we are rich to build an ice fishing shanty. No not like those palaces the Minnesotans with small penis build. I swear televisions, computers, wifi, radios, heaters that work, lights and comfort have absolutely no place in ice fishing.
I remember Beloved Uncle's ice shack. It had someone else's name on it, looked like an outhouse, which I think it might have been converted from, smelled of fuel oil, and had this little stove the size of a gallon can and "woofed" a great deal when I kept complaining for my brother to turn it up as I was freezing my feet off in that thing.
We did catch lots of perch though, but of course older brother caught more as it made him feel validated, and he was always fishing the huge killer northern, and would leave me terrified to battle it, as like the child he was, he always had to go visit with the boys to see how things were going. Only thing he caught was this big perch which swam away and tangled up the lines in the other holes.
I laugh when I think about that as he was pulling up his perch, my cork went down the hole so I pulled for all I was worth on my line and almost pulled him down his hole. I can still hear him screaming, "JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!"

Oh when I get that big donation, I am going to build a trout stream, not that I like trout, but I like looking at big chubs like trout. Granted the pike that swim up in spring run off will probably eat them all much to my chagrin, but it is nice past time thinking how nice it will be for the few moments that the mink and coons are not eating those stupid fish not bright enough to swim away and bite on feathers floating on the surface.

Nuff Said