Robert "Keep Investigatin'" Mueller
Explaining how close he is to nabbing Donald Trump in the
30 year investigation
As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
In stunning testimony Special Counsel Robert Mueller informed Congress on a cloudy day on this June 27th, 2045 AD in the year of our Lord, that he has uncovered that Barron Trump's 23 year old son, Frederick Donald Trump, sipped a Russian cocktail at Trump Tower Moscow, as a sure sign of collusion with Russia dating back 29 years to his grandfather, President Donald Trump's Presidential victory over Hillary Clinton.
James Comey, now the wife of Jeb Bush, and taking the name of Jazzy Bush, released a statement from her retirement community in Florida, stating this vindicated him in the original Pissgate investigation, as Jazzy insisted that there were striking similarities in the two stories in there was a hotel, Russia and a Trump in both stories.
Weighing in from New York, Donald Trump jr IV, repeated his family's innocense and again called for an end of the 57 billion dollar 30 year investigation into his family.
Special Counsel Mueller though stipulated that he was just beginning to uncover evidence as Mueller had traced information back to George Washington being the real traitor and Benedict Arnold had been smeared by Russian hacking as Hillary Clinton had.
When Mueller was questioned about the veracity of the investigation into Washington and how there were not any computers to be hacked in 1776 AD in the year of our Lord, Mueller responded, "I have it on good authority from Al Gore, who invented the internet, that his distant relative, Benedict Al Gore, had invented computers in 1963 and the British had them widely available in operating on solar energy, to combat global warming.
In another startling revelation, an unnamed source told this publication that a diary called PUTIN'S PRIVATE DIARY, had been found on the coffee table of Chelsea Clinton and she had turned it over to the Special Counsel. Written in English, it was a full confession of President Putin having personally hacked the DNC, and in a lengthy discourse of 1000 volumes extolled how much he really admired Hillary Clinton and it was jealousy of her abilities that led to his misogyny to collude with Mike Flynn to hand content over to Wikileaks.
President Julian Assange of Ecuador insisted again that the files he received were not from Russia, in the same denial of 30 years ago, but Congress insisted the new evidence was more credible as it matched the death bed confession of Hillary Clinton after her failure to secure the 2020 democratic primary, after having coughed up a lung, a kidney and a small puppy named Footsie that her neighbor had been missing.
Investigators were asked if they had expanded their inquiry into the murder of Seth Rich. They answered that they were far too busy to enaged in such a diversion, and that the hard work of 29 years of FBI investigation of the murder was sure to produce results soon.
CNN's wall to wall coverage will be extended to a special feature, "Russian Cavier The Influence of Russia".
It was most fortunate for all investigators that the diaries and notes of James Comey, AKA Jazzy Bush, continued to appear, providing a clue, every instance that Robert Mueller was facing a dead end, another recollection of Jazzy Bush AKA James Comey would surface with a new lead implicating a new Russian connection
Investigators are still trying to ascertain the link provided by the Jazzy Diaries of Jesus changing water into wine, and Russian hacking.
James 'Jazzy Bush' Comey
fresh from a day at the salon