As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
It is with great appreciation that the Lame Cherry was able to interview, the greatest directing genius of all time, in Nella Pop, of the underground artistic independents. The legend of Pop is widespread and as she never agrees to interviews, the Lame Cherry appreciates the effort.
LC: Thank you for agreeing to this interview.
NP: I agreed to nothing. I owe you, so what else was a girl to do.
LC: I do not recall any debts, but as this is about your genius, could you inform my readers of who the legend is please.
NP: My first real film was Faster Vampyre, Kill, Kill, which was satire on Roger Corman's work. It requires no talent to make money in movies if you have large breasts in your films. It is why Hollywood is going broke as they have no women with big tits, only those damned lezbo. Pedo cinema ruined Hollywood.
LC: So in Faster Vampyre, Kill, Kill, you began your epic vampyre theme in your groundbreaking work. How was it that you arrived at your radioactive vampyre theme in FVKK?
NP: I was in Croatia at the time, just got back from waterfowling in the Hungarian reed swamps, and in speaking with the Poles about shooting some fight scenes at Auschwitz, I came up with the idea to detonate a hydrogen bomb, a real bomb from Russia, in order to kill the vampyre, and this transformed the vampyre to a super vampyre.
LC: But you never got a hydrogen bomb?
NP: No, the Russians were ok with the idea, that nuclear proliferation stuff with America and those absurd above ground test bans, put the end on that wonderful idea of detonating one, so I had to use the H Bomb as a sort of kryponite for vampyres.......their code of morality that they would never cross. The thing they worshiped as their holy grail. You are right in I never got a hydrogen bomb. I got half a dozen for my artistic creations. I just can not detonate them above ground.
LC: Then this is why you name your hydrogen bombs in the credits.
NP: A nuclear bomb is a living thing. They deserve the credit. In Hot Pussy Vampyre, I cast my favorite bomb of all, a nice 20 megaton, but we have not worked together since. In Cold Pussy Vampyre, I used the twins, two 7 megatons that were just laying around in a stockpile. The woman who gave them to me put two milk cans in their place to comply with the international treaties.
LC: I have to admit that my favorite is Pussy on a Hot Vampyre Roof. There was just something inspirational in your creating CYVAMPS, in a mechanical biological undead, assembled in a Frankenstein Laboratory. The epic 30 minute blood splatter scene was Sam Pekinpah's The Wild Bunch vintage. I will not give away the ending, but it was the perfect lead in to your Pussy with 9 Vampyre Lives which you shot at NASA if I am correct?
NP: Yes 9 Lives I filmed at Cape Canaveral. NASA isn't using the facilities any more, so I just drove up with the crew and started recording. I shot Hot Vampyre Roof in the war zone in Afghanistan as I believe in reality.
LC: You harm things then in making your productions?
NP: Of course I do. It saves a bundle in special effects. All of my actors are willing to be beaten, stabbed and shot. I have a wonderful veterinarian from South Ossetia who also sews costumes. No one gets killed, at least in the people, but depending what the crew is craving, I find all sorts of creative ways to make steak out of chickens to pigs.
If you don't harm things, it is just all pretend or reality television harming the viewers.
LC: Would you clear up the story of your swearing you would never work in Hollywood.
NP: Sure. There were two, no three reasons. I loathe pedos. One of their regimes got all testy and tried to confiscate my h bombs, but they were on vacation in Botswana at the time, so all they got were my lipstick bullets, and I refuse to work in a town that put Cher in a movie. That started all that Ashley Judd and Scarlett Johanssen bastardization of cinema.
LC: Is it true one studio produced a script to make it up to you to have Cher beat up in a movie by midgets to try and get you to direct for them?
NP: Not only that, but they were going to make some Been Her, and have her dragged behind some chariots in a race and beat on her with wooden mallets in a ramming scene, but they could not swing the details as I wanted an American nuclear aircraft carrier to have holes drilled in the side for oars, and have it ram England, and sink it in a massive nuclear monsoon. The US Navy was ok with drilling holes in the carrier, vaporizing England, but they simply would not let Cher on board.
I went off and filmed, What's New Pussypyre, again to great underground success.
LC: Pussypyre, introduced that Sharon Tate look alike, Hurricane Lamp, as your genius coming to screen again in self combustion vampyres in nuclear implosion, instead of explosion. How did you come up with that?
NP: The Hurricane is the goddaughter of plasma theorist Dr. Rels Konostovich and it was your introduction that I...........
LC: We can't talk about that.
NP:.........I, the lab............I was warming up some Serbian fried chicken in a homemade microwave, using hyperwaves to cook it and it sort of vaporized. That is how I came up with it.
Is that better?
LC: In a different train of thought, are you still mistaken for being the vivacious Mia Sara?
NP: All the time. She has benefited greatly for being mistaken for me, but she deserves it as her work has always been pure gold.
LC: I had better wrap this up, but I would like to ask you, do you have any regrets in your work?
NP: There is just one thing I regret in I never having directed the greatest actor in America?
LC: You mean Joaquin Phoenix?
NP: I know we have this conversation a great deal and while Mr. Phoenix could resurrect the entire film industry globally if he were simply cast in every movie, my regret is a few years before that in I have always wanted to direct Jan Michael Vincent?
LC: Thee official donation enforcer collector of the Lame Cherry, who flies his Airwolf around turning nations into swiss cheese and protecting everything that is good in God, Guns and Mom with Apple Pie?
NP: Yes JMV is my regret. I wrote Pussywolfe, a film I was going to shoot in Germany, especially to feature JMV, but for some damn reason the script got hijacked, and Meryl Streep got cast as Margaret Thatcher. I don't know how that happened, but maybe it had to do with Pussywolfe in the storyboards looked like Streep as that amazon leftist Julia Childs as the mutant no vampyre would bite. I don't want to go into the details about how Pussywolfe was created, but a Nazi anti gravity machine changed Charles DeGaulle's semen into something that impregnated the Brandenburg Gate.
LC: Thank you Nella for sitting down with us. It was deeply appreciated and you richly deserve far more than the underground worshiping your talent and virtue.
NP: It was like old times with the Vulcans. I know, I know LC, we can't talk about the real things.
Nuff Said
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