Sunday, January 14, 2018

Duel, A Lame Cherry Release

 Steven Spielberg's choice of heroes in a coward
with a pink Plymouth fag auto

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

I was tortured recently by a Swedish vampire named Svengoolie who forced me to watch a cinema horror called DUEL, which was directed by Stephen Spielberg and starred Dennis Weaver.

It is a movie about a faggot played by Weaver, who drives a Plymouth Valiant, a pink one, and passes a beefy old oil semi, which takes offense and then chases Weaver across Nevada to California.


The only thing interesting was the old truck


There is more action involved in that one sentence above, than thee entire movie. This is so bad, it can only mean that Spielberg was sucking Harvey Jewstein's dick, because no one would have allowed Spielberg to direct anything after this fiasco...........this movie was as stupid as Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan combined.

In order to salvage this, as it is obvious this was the movie which destroyed Hollywood, culminating in the implosion of the 21st century, along with allowing Victoria Principal anywhere near film, that the only salvation in this, is to remake Duel,  and star the greatest actor ever in Joaquin Phoenix in the role of Dennis Weaver.

This of course will be the story...........


Joaquin Phoenix the greatest actor of all time

Joaquin Phoenix is delivering a load of AK 47's to school children in Serbia to fight off toxic Islam, when he passes a truck on the road in his 1969 Mach I Mustang, driven by the greatest television star in television history, Jan Michael Vincent, who has had a really bad day, as Serbia does not have Hamm's beer.

The greatest car of all time which needs to be driven by
the greatest actor of all time

Yes JMV!!!!!!!


The greatest JMV of all time
who needs to drive a truck to 
make it the greatest truck of all time 

Anyway, in acts of road rage in trying to kill each other with machine guns, flame throwers, baseball bats and gooseberry pies, they crash their vehicles into a Muslim mosque in Kosovo, and get into the mother of all fist fights.
It is awesome, it is gruesome, it is wholesome family entertainment.

As they choke each other, gouge each other, kick each other, spit on each other, and yes hit each other with Korans, they realize the Muslims are planning a sneak attack upon them, and in that moment Joaquin Phoenix, the greatest cinema star ever, and JMV the greatest television star ever, fall off a mountain, into a raging river, and are washed upon the shores of a Roman Catholic convent of nuns, portrayed by Mother Superior Raquel Welch, and the equally superior actress of Mia Sara as Sister Vagina, and both are put through their paces by Joaquin and JMV.


Raquel Welch ready for you to hail her Mary

The Nuns after a great deal of afterplay, lament their virtue is in danger from Muslim Rape Cock. To this JP and JMV decide to unite, after taking turns with each other's nun, they grab crucifixes, candles, rosary beads, and in no time at all have the greatest bazooka ever for a full frontal assault on the Muslims.


 Mia Sara, ready for you to make her kitten purr

While JMV provides a diversion in killing half the Muslims, JP rushes forward, using JMV's metal leg, beating Muslims to death, fires his bazooka into the oil tanker truck, jumps in the Mach 1, picks up JMV and the two out drive the massive nuclear fireball, set off by the oil tanker, and turn Kosovo into scorched earth.

They find Raquel Welch and Mia Sara on the side of the road dressed in Daisy Dukes, who announce they are through with the Vatican, and as JMV asks them if they can give them a ride, the girls say, "Stud we're going to ride both of you till the Atlantic Ocean parts."

Now that is much better than out of sequence Dennis Weaver throwing dust into a canyon where his pathetic pink Plymouth sits after crashing into the oil truck, where blood now drips from the steering wheel.

Yeah pussy Spielberg has one wimpy fight in Weaver cries after a punch to the gut, one tanky blonde in a pool cue dress and that is it for action, except for Weaver crying from whiplash.

Now all I need is Hollywood to donate 100 million dollars to remake this with the two greatest actors ever in Joaquin Phoenix and Jan Michael Vincent.

Duel, the Lame Cherry release, in saving Hollywood and all television.

Nuff Said