As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
OK I just watched two movies on the same DVD in Kate and Leopold and Serendipity. For those who have not accomplished this, Kate and Leo is about time travel and has a needy cast led by Meg Ryan who is still playing Betsy from As the World Turns and he other has John Cusack, Jeremy Piven and her hotness herself, vampire woman Kate Beckinsdale or sale, I just know she has sex with werewolves as I have seen that and she had to have no make up on, because she was playing opposite John Cusack, who had to have a woman look plain, to make him look sort of male, as he is that fag.
Anyway, Hugh Jackman is Leopold and that Zev Braun or Himey Hinkelman or whatever that actor's name is who plays a Jew and kills Nazi in the Russian forests is in there too, but they don't let him act, as they put him into the hospital so you suffer through Betsy and her brother who is Seth Greene's best friend in real life.
Anyway, I decided to fix these movies by combining the so when Harvey Weinstein funds me I will be ready for action.
I have decided to fire everyone except the gal that has sex with werewolves as how awesome in that!
Next I hire thee greatest actor of all time in Joaquin Phoenix and the greatest television star of all time in Jan Michael Vincent, and we call the movie:
AIRWOLF THE TIME MACHINE
Yeah you know it sister, you had to hang onto your chair as you about fell out of it as it was such awesomeness in a movie that you had to stop yourself from dialing MOVIE TICKETS R US as you wanted to reserve your seats so much!
OK here is the movie. You got Jan Michael Vincent, who is a drifter, picking up spare change as the BORDER BOUNCER for Donald Trump as he beats Mexicans to death with his metal leg. He notices one day that he is back in time, still beating Mexicans to death, but finds himself face to face with Dr. Strange Joaquin Airwolf, who has invented the first hypersonic attack helicopter armed with nuclear missiles!!!!
JMV naturally is asked to fly the war bird, and when he does, he flies it at like a gazillion miles per hour and pulls a G force that pops all the beer cans, and in doing that, he ends up forward in time in the 28th century, just in time to take on all evil of mankind which is holding hostage Kate Beckinsdale!!!
The faces of evil are played by John Cusack, Jeremy Piven and Ben Affleck.
See what I mean what they did to Kate, all bleached out to make Cusack look like he could get an erection?
There is a massive nuclear fight scene, Airwolf is blown out of earth's atmosphere, orbits the sun, dives to the center of the earth, moving with such a gravitational wave that it creates the WHITE HOLE EFFECT as earth is pulled inside out and beyond the great beyond.
They are all marooned lost in space, but a natural lust develops between the lead character and Kate and they have like carnal erotic sex........it is the first helicopter and Kate sex in cinema history!!! Yes Airwolf is the love interest and it is hot, hot, hot, hot!!!! So hot it makes Uwe Bole lezbo sex look like lezbo sex!!!!
Inspired by this, Airwolf fires up it's atomic powerplant and flies backwards as JMV handles the flight stick, Dr. Phoenix handles navigation and Kate Beckinsale pours icy cold beer over Airwolf's radioactive power plant to keep it cool.
In a massive explosion that Airwolf destroys itself, but is flying so fast that it out flies it's own end, it pulls the earth inside out again, and hits the breaks in the 21st century where Kate gives birth to Cyberwolf, the first human helo ever, which is of course the next movie, of which I plan to rewrite some bad movie that I forget right now, but it is in the bad movie DVD place on top of the Puntz's cage.
That movie of course will be titled:
BECKENWOLF THE MOVIE
Nuff Said
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