Monday, April 23, 2018

A Horizon without End

As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.

Today, God gave us the first nice day here since last August. I have been wanting a 60 degree day which was warm and none of it ever arrived here.
I did something stupid in asking God for Wisdom. I did not realize that it was not bestowed on me like Solomon, but arrives with excruciating failure and misery.

The reason I am writing this is being thankful for Laura who is always there, but never asks a thing. It is for that reason I ponder things on this night, because long ago I was shown that the Proverbs was a life with God and Ecclesiastics is a life without God. Now though after years of this, I keep hearing VANITY OF VANITIES, all is vanity. This comes from someone who is a Christian with God, who God bestows insights too and revelations, yet as I look out on life, all I see is futility.

I see rich people now dead who no one remembers. I see poor people who were good and bad and no one remembers them either. I see people now striving for riches and it is all futility as they will die and no one will remember them and their children will just raise rotten children and spend all that money on things which will never fulfill them.

None of that is my life in God, but I keep thinking on this in how futile it all is. Unless God builds things they will not stand, and yet God built America and heathens tore it all down. I was allowed to construct a time line for peace, and Donald Trump as President and it is all not what was promised in 2016. The record of good acts by those who chose God's Way is the only testament. It is the small personal decisions which will endure forever in writing in the Book of Life, not the national sins which will pass away in the Book of Judgment.

All I want and desire to do is build and create,  but all is destruction and consumption now. I was prepared for this in the brier patch as all things are futile here even with hard work, but this is not an age of building, but one of degrading conditions. It is as if everything is losing ground as the reckoning of the balancing of the scales is measured out.

Proverbs teaches that the beginning of Wisdom is to hate evil. The fulfillment of the Law is to obey God and to  care about others. The Ecclesiastics speaks of the best a man can do is to enjoy the pleasure of his labor for all is vanity. It is the Spiritual with the carnal. The Heaven and the sojourn on earth. I can detest evil by obeying God and care about others, but the fruits of it are not of this world in rewards, only laying down to rest in not being troubled in having harmed others. All I can do is take solace in that reality that I did what I could, but it changes nothing, except I did not add more  evil to this world as it is vain to think you can change people or the world, all you can do is police yourself in answering to God as no one is going to change and do what is right.

I look out to the world and see the futility of it. It leaves me sad and feeling empty. To think of all there is and there is nothing, as all that there is, is what is inside a person. That is all that matters not because it matters, but it matters because that is the only thing that is in any person's control is the struggle if they can control themselves or not.

That seems futile in this big universe which is going to disappear, and that seems futile in God created all of this to grow souls into Spirits, and after that is done, it will be discarded like an egg cracked open.

It seems like such a worthless thing that, here am I, just now, in my entire purpose is to scratch a kitty's back so she can repay me in clawing me as that is her enjoyment in her space in life. In a few moments the pleasure will be a baby calf feeding in milk we warm up.

The evil, the good, it has all been lived out a million times before me, and it continues to be acted out after me. In all the Wisdom, all the knowledge, all the things of understanding, it means nothing really, except it makes life a bit easier to navigate in not doing stupid things, but in ignorance is bliss so they do not know what the mistakes are.

I seem to be one of God's birds who eat road kill, a lily who toils and spins, till the petals drop, I am just here, and like most Christians, the reward comes in Heaven. Perhaps that is where I will build my ponds and plant my orchards. Perhaps instead of singing flowers, I will have melons of rainbow scents and ...........maybe just a place where I can look out from under a tree and see a forever horizon which never ends.