Benedict Cumberbatch, Benny Cumberbatch, the scandal which
has shaken the monarchy and brought England to her knees.
Tonight we investigate Benny Cumberbatch as
nuclear war looms on the horizon or something worse in
Queen Charles and King Camilla.....
No my name is Benedict.
As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
This is the exclusive investigation into the name of Benny Cumberbatch. Mr. Cumberbatch insists his name Benedict, but time and again from the most noted people they tell a different story concerning the life of Benny Cumberbatch.
I grew a beard to show people I was serious, but all they
called me was Beardo Ben, which rhymed with Weirdo.
We spoke with his talented co star Martin Freeman with this insight into the origins of Cumberbatch's name.
I just want to kill him.
Benny Cumberbatch then made this claim to verify this name.
Everyone knows that men named Benedict wear spectacles.
Sean Connery tracked us down and had this to add to the evidence.
The English are all goddamn sissy faggots.
We had hoped to gain statements from Benny's parents, but instead we have this from Richard Harris.
I shagged his Mum with the snake St. Patrick didn't drive out of Ireland.
Ian McKellen offered this insight.
I cumbered his old man's arse with my batch.
To this Benny's Mum was overheard at a flower show telling Benny this.
I don't know who your father is, but you will always
be your mother's son.
That's why the chums at school always called me
Bugger Bum Benny!!
Benny seemed most impressed with the revelations of the Anal History of his family as in the following interview he kept repeating in hysterical laughter for 7 hours and three minutes.
They buggered my parents bums.....
My turds have more acting talent than Benny.
Kelly MacDonald who starred in a rather disturbing sex scene in a missing child story on PBS, had this observation.
In the fake sex scene, he kept calling out his own name Benny.
Sean Connery is right the English are all sissy faggots.
The legendary English actor and globally celebrated performer, Tom Baker summed up this investigation in this way.
He never played Dr. Who, so Who Cares!!!!
They cancelled Downton Abby for Benny Bugger Butt?????
In responsible journalism we allow Benny to provide his most passionate defense in the last statement that his name is not Benny.
No my clothes are not monogrammed Benny,
it is a designer label.
The problem is he would not go away. He stalked us. He followed us. He kept attempting to show us proof his name was not Benny.
Here let me get naked and you can observe my Benedict.
As an English male I object to this overt attention paid to Benny.