Saturday, June 30, 2018
No Person is a 100 Proof Ogre
As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
I write this lesson in Christian interaction as people always think that TL and I must have God's Grace upon us in everything always flows in a Garden of Eden Peace. I write this knowing that there are the group of weak creatures who will seek to exploit this as that is what always takes place. I write this because there are numbers of Christians who simply have heinous parents. I am not talking about the typical asstard that drives you up the wall, but the real behind the facade plotting for their own means in the most demoniac terms.
I will not address TL's parents in public, but I will address this about my one living parent in all God has in his Good Will moved me to do, and how I have been betrayed and put upon in the worst possible way. When I speak of my mother, this is a woman who knows the Bible and prays, and calls herself a devout Christian and people like her in passing with smiles, but behind the facade has appeared the past few years thee most vehement plotting which has caused a break in this relationship which will never have a remedy.
It is difficult to explain as few people are good parents, and mine were long on the law and short on the love. They made bad mistakes with me and it was all due to their sloven nature of let kids raise themselves.
It was things that TL noticed at first, that I ignored or just had put up with in the cold fish my mother is. TL had been nothing but generous to her though and yet TL always felt something was off and TL was not welcome.
When we first came back from the metro, I was playing in having some fun, and mother just blew up, I mean really blew up and called me, "STUPID", with a stupid that was more like SHTOOOPUD, as it spat out of her mouth. She apologized but as things degraded and excuses could not be no longer made, what was a shock, was really the reality behind the mask.
The sticking point here where everything manifested were the animals here. The woman had over fed the goats and foundered them. I had been concerned about her going out at 6 AM in the dark and falling down in the cold, so I was on her about that, and in trying to watch the budget, I was rationing grain to the goats, when suddenly oats disappeared by half. I asked her three times if it was her feeding and she lied to my fact three times over it. Again that was the first sign of the pattern which mattered, as she yelled at me that I was taking away all her fun. Trying to protect her and the animals was viewed as this.
I even was blamed when they died as of course she could do better. I think she simply burned their systems out, but in this she is always the martyr or the innocent.
It then moved onto the cat Puntz, as the little girl really got sick last September from bad cat food. She had diarrhea, was puking and I could not figure out what it was, as she was losing her hair too. After a winter of this in we thought it was allergies to food, in we had stopped feeding everything except a special non grain diet, that cat would get well, and then sick again.
I kept asking her if she was feeding the cat and I got denials. She was of course, some greasy bacon which is the last thing you feed a cat with intestinal problems. It came to another head as lied to my face in not having food in her pocket for the cat, and like a 5 year old turned the opposite pocket out, then left the food in the other pocket. When the reality was discovered, she blurted out in lying to me that "I made her lie to me".
Again a week later, I knew she had taken food with here from the table, and was again acting innocent and lying to me, that I finally said, "What do you want me to do, search you?" With that, a wad of paper towel appeared out of inside her pants.
As this all continued, with the cat not even liking getting into the litter box unless I put her there as it was painful in her bowel movements, I was the one up in the middle of the night as the cat came to me or was crapping on my bed, as I was the refuge in all of this.
I asked her what her dad would think of her doing all of this, and finally got an answer that he would not like it. As for what he would say about her treatment of me, she was mute, as I concluded she thinks I deserve it.
Her mom was a dufus Jehovah's Witness who lied all the time to my uncle, and mom thought it was funny, in the old woman would go for walks against my uncle's commands as the neighborhood was dangerous and she might fall down. In turn the kids in the area would always enter her house when she was gone and eat the cookies and things.
It is a point that she thinks her lies do not matter when it comes to me as she is going to get her way.
All of this brings about things that once were considered accidents, but now are deemed deliberate, as I now believe this woman has been trying to run TL off just like TL's mother tried to break us up.
TL has bronchial issues so mom sprayed perfume one night to cover up a mouse scent which really had TL coughing. We had to air the house out as I am affected by that stuff too, and with that, it was the reason behind our old stove blowing out.
For finances, what I thought was accidental overdrafts were now deliberate and she was expecting me to bail her out. It was a well designed plan to limit our finances, so that she could keep us here to wait on her, just like my uncle waited on gramma.
She would blow through things we bought for the house like shit through a goose to try and help out. I was frustrated and I was yelling a great deal as I simply could not comprehend this illogical nuttery. There was a method to the madness though.
It came to a head in April when she dropped a bomb shell on me at 5 pm, when everything was closed, as she was overdrafted again. I blew my cork as there is no excuse for money mismanagement as I know every penny and if I do not have the money for things, it does not get spent. So two hours later as TL and I tracked down in an e call her account, we discovered that she had several hundred dollars in her account yet. I was still making excuses for this as I figured maybe she forgot, but I was starting to think dementia. It was though deliberate as I was the next week outside doing something when she dropped another bomb shell on TL about her bank card.
See you may remember that mom hurt herself in nerve trouble and I was waiting on her hand and foot for two weeks, which graduated to her doing absolutely nothing around here now, in we are doing everything that she announced, "She was not made of money" and that I was not turning over all the bills. There was one bill and it was always the same at the feed store, but the charge in this I was stealing from her.
She hit TL with this as she figured TL would not bring it up until later. TL though brought it up in front of her, and with that I had a Holy Spirit bail my ass out moment as I was calm and all I said was, "Well she can get her ass to town then and handle the debit card as I am done having her sit and home and we having to do all the shopping". As I stated, we were doing this as she had been hurt and I could not get her to go town with us. The reality sunk in at this point of attacking me about stealing, that what her game really was, was she was expecting me to as I had before, to take over another bill.
The relationship had been shattered and I was not being played any more.
I have a too kind nature and I was helping mom walk with her cane, and TL reported to me that she was quite agile on the farm when I was not around, but as soon as I appeared, she went into slow motion. I paid more attention in things like, "I can't walk on uneven ground" and then finding she had negotiated out to the goat pen, through Daisy and Belle's pen, and do it so fast that I never caught her, while he was in snail motion on concrete in town, that the reality sank in how I was being played.
There were signs of this but again I made excuses as last year we went for ice cream, and she was home, an when I got back I noted she was laying own puffing. The Holy Ghost figured it out immediately and I told her, "Maybe if you would not be sprinting for the goat pen when we leave the house, then you would not be thinking Puntz got out and you were in a mad search for Puntz trying not to get caught".
As I have stated the relationship has broken to the point of non repair, as there is not any dealing with a person who thinks she can lie and that you deserve it. It came to a point that I told her, "You are a big girl. You fall down in the cattle pen and get hurt, I can not take care of you anymore, so you are going to the hospital or the nursing home".
That shocked her, just like it shocked her in what was the division point in this, in the cat crapping all over, in TL had a very severe reaction one morning. TL coughed to the throat was raw and I told TL, "We are taking you to the doctor and there is no more toughing it out".
I told mom at that point that she probably wanted TL to die, and then I said, "If TL is not here, I am not going to be here". I could see that stunned her and as stated it brought the conclusion that there was a plan in this to break TL and I up, or to the point drive TL from here.
None of this helped as TL's mother had planted a psychological bomb inside TL that when push came to shove that I would choose my mother over TL. TL knows different now for absolute certainty. It is a point though of two sets of parents doing their satan damnedest to get their way. For TL, TL was supposed to be the resident nigger for them, and wog was supposed to be my middle name for my parents.
It comes to a point that every time I blew up about feeding the cat, that the cat got better for a few days, then it was back to it. Same accident happened this morning, so I told mom, "You are going to town and washing things", as there has to be a penalty phase or she is not going to stop trying to get that cat to "love her".
On the way, I asked her if she had quarters, to which she said no. Then I asked if she had dollar bills and I got the NO head shake before I asked the question. That is really irritating in the woman does that non stop in saying NO before she even knows what I am asking. Her other two techniques are Mother the Martyr and the silent taking the yelling and then doing the same thing as before.
She pulls that martyr thing now, I do not pay attention the guilt trip or her latest scam of, "God knows I am not feeding the cat".......to which I replied, 'So you are leaving food around and the cat is finding it". No reply on that but it is Bill Clinton and the definition of IS.
It is the same in things disappear around here which is power control in I am supposed to be asking her things. It was amusing a few months ago that she blurted out to TL, when she thought she still could play TL, that I was not telling her anything. I stopped playing the game in asking or being polite in volunteering information as she never does.
I have noticed things like a brush for a juicer disappeared and then reappears without a word. This past week a cheese cutter we were using disappeared and I said something, and of course she had not taken it, but it reappeared. Then there were 4 sample bags of cat food which were sent to me in I was trying to cure Puntz, and TL noted one bag disappeared, which I brought up and the next day the bag appeared with a twist tie on it. Obviously Puntz is a genius cat that opens and reseals bags with twist ties.
I could go on in the things that make this an insane asylum to contemplating a week ago in taking her to the doctor for a CAT scan to see if she had brain cancer, but it is not anything physically wrong with her, it is instead what I called her in she is obstinate.
For a Christian there is a dilemma of honoring your parents and not be dragged into a world of hurt feelings and retribution as some items TL had put away in the shed disappeared this week, so as I said, mom is quite spry when she has a reason.
All things though have broken down as I stated, as she thinks she can lie, thinks she can manipulate, thinks she can destroy to get her way, but that is something I refuse to be played by anymore.
So what does a Christian do? I am hanging on. I am respectful, but I do not make contact. Tonight I was asked to get her hummingbird feeder, which as an example I was limping in great pain a month ago and that same demand was made of me as she simply does not care, as it is whatever serves her needs is all that matters. I focus on God providing a place for us in delivering us from this place and this woman.
I will still when that happens offer to do the weekly shopping if I am asked, but I am not going to be suckered any more, as last year when the roof was leaking and I was furious that she had not checked into government help for 18 months as I had asked, she came up with, "We'll do that in putting a roof on". I blew up at that as I knew the WE was me paying for her roof and that is not going to happen, as I take the donations here with the utmost protectiveness. That money is for our place and is not going to be conned out of me by this woman just because she knows it is there. Once again, her game is to take the money from me, to keep us enslaved here.
That is what this comes down to is being Christian. I will not retaliate. I will not stoop to those levels. I simply separate myself out. I do the respectful and Christians things, and after discussing things with God, I administer clothes washing in she pays for her cat crap feedings, all the while knowing that I will hang on and that Puntz is coming with us, and then this woman is an adult to deal with her own actions.
I would that things were different. I would that people would behave. It is what it is though in I can not control someone being evil and stuck in my life like root canal. I am sad about a wasted life, and I pray that God will have her repent, but that is where my responsibility ends. My 3 other siblings have left her with me to deal with as they hide from their responsibility. I simply will not feel guilty about the hard decisions any more in dealing with her. I pray that God does not put me into a position where I am stuck putting her into some advanced care. My focus is that I will be the best child I can be for my Heavenly Father, as that is where all of this is centered.
There have been signs of this misbehavior all of my life, but I just took the hurts and was eaten away. It is like she gave me a ratty ass birthday card last year, and after feeding the cat who shit in her bedroom, tracked it over the house so that is what I did for my birthday evening without any help or an apology, as she buys new cards for others and gets them gifts.
I had always made excuses for her, in blaming my dad for everything, but it was two peas in a pod. She saw what the old man did and did nothing to stop it, and did her worst to keep me under her thumb. That veil is off though in viewing her and now it is a matter of being like Benjamin Franklin in finances, and that is to be a good moral person and to do what is right as a child of God and as a Citizen. It is a hard thing which I did not sign up for that I can remember, but when someone has hurt TL, the balances have changed and now it is a matter that I have done what is right. I have saved this woman's life three times in nursing her back to health and her home while others would have abandoned her and she would have been dead by now. None of that was appreciated as she tried the martyr thing again when that came up. I won't play the game, because she is my mother, but I am not her slave where she can use my life up for her own.
There is nothing easy in this being a Christian. It all comes down though to doing what is right and protecting myself. That is the Christian duty. No person is a 100 proof ogre, but when they start hurting others, using others and blaming you for their sins, that tips the balance as they are responsible for their sins, and you are not.