JANWOLFE: The Legend Bottled
As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
I can not tell you the number of people who responded to the article about Jan Michael Vincent in his MACH 1 BBQ Sauce as it simply would not be believed. Kindly, JMV has expanded his humanitarian outreach to the people who do not suffer from his kind of awesomeness, but desire to improve themselves in sophistication and suave, in JMV has passed along the ingredients to his secret formula JANWOLFE, the Aftershave, Cologne and Afrodisiac.
This is not to be confused with his regular cologne that one splashes on after a work out of Body by Jan, but this is the extreme case scenario.
As JMV says, "If you are a pussy like Jesse the Bod Ventura this stuff will turn you into a raging Tyrannosaurus Rex. If you are a faggot, queer, mo, sissy boy, a shot of JANWOLFE will grow you a pair of balls where you will be nailing the proper sex four times in the morning and ten times at night. If you are a man that women refuse to bed, this will have them ordering pizza, fetching you beers, before they ride you like a bucking bronco, as that is what JANWOLFE does".
See everyone can not measure up to Jan Michael Vincent. The Joaquin Phoenix among us are simply too far and in between. Most suffer from Ben Affleckness and while drunkenness was the past option, with JANWOLFE men are now able to have hope in being a cheap stand in when JMV is not around.
As an added bonus, I have been assured that you spritz this on something like Whooper Goldberg, Ellen, Rosie or whatever else got that dykish look to them, and it will turn them into a Melania, Ivanka or Tiffy in one treatment, and there is no needing to shave the whiskers the next days as this is the dyke cure.
Now JMV knows that all can not afford JANWOLFE, so he has kindly provided the formula for it for those who are still in poverty after all of this Obama and Trump economic prosperity for the 1%.
1 keg of MACH 1 BBQ Sauce
1 bucket of Chernobyl spring water
4 additional gallons of that stuff that smells like creme de menthe in the Airwolfe lab with the skull and crossbones on it.
1 pint of Jan Michael Vincent sweat taken from the full of the moon after hot sex with with the Playboy playmates of the month for the current year.
*JMV perspiration may be exchanged for 500 gallons of Kim Jong Un sweat rendered down to a 1 pint concentrate after he has visited his nuclear test facilities, but JMV thinks this is far too much work and tests show that a craving of kimchi develops for days.
Mr. Vincent understands that women do require saving from themselves too. Look at that poor Kim Bassinger who after having a movie interlude with JMV fell into liberalism and married that Alec Baldwin. If only JANWOLFE had been available, Alec or anything that Kim chose to be Mrs. Bassinger, could have put on a few drops and become a Jan clone to satisfy her, and save these women from all of their mistakes.
JMV assures me that this will work on Ben Affleck, Rob Reiner, Bill and Hillary Clinton and make Anderson Cooper and Bill Maher normal, if they would just take the treatment.
All of us owe a debt to the greatest television actor ever for his generosity and his legacy to help men be men and reform lezbos into something that men will be able to take to the bar and line up the beers before they line them up later for a real thrill.
Now all men can be a close proximity of Jan Michael Vincent, even if they will never be the legend, JMV.