As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
Another short story from the keyboard of Lame Cherry.
Not Just Another Ivory Tower Swindler.
His name was Robert Sands. At least that was his name before he disappeared. You know thousands of people disappear every year and never appear again, so it is easy to be Sam Hopper as no one really cares about someone no one is looking for.
See I chose Robert Sands, because it was a good solid name. You need a good solid name when you go before the people. Even if Julian, that was his middle name, seemed a bit exotic, I figured the lilt of Robert Julian Sands would play well in the press and it did.
My middle name is not important, as it is Calvin, but I never liked it, but I was named after no one. It was just a name that seemed to stick in my mother's mind, and that is how I came to be.
The reason this name thing is important, is I decided to rob a billion dollar bank, but I noticed that no one ever got away with robbing banks, so I figured I was going to be caught, so I needed another plan to clear my name and keep my money.
It all started with a girl named Hilda Barnsworth. Yes she looked like her name, but she made up really well after I started talking to her. See she was disgruntled like lots of folks in the way life treated her, how everyone in government had let her down, and the more we talked, the more she listened, and next thing she knew she was thinking she should become Jackie Sundreau, another person who disappeared, but she worked in banks, next thing you knew she was working in that billion dollar bank.
So I just sort of strolled in one day, sort of with a truck, and sort of with transfer papers for cash, for a publicity stunt, and for some reason all the bank managers were asleep on the job that day, and when the paperwork had to be verified, Jackie Sundreau verified it, and I drove off with a billion dollars.
Odd thing, the truck was was found, but it was empty, and you know the FBI is really good at their jobs, and with all the footage of me on the security cameras, and the signing of papers for the truck, it was in no time that the FBI arrested me.
Nice agents at the FBI, and soon enough I was telling them my story, after of course my public defender, a woman named Sarah Goldstein, who was talented as her public salary allowed.
See I was home, well sort of home, as I was alien abducted, when apparently my identity was stolen by some genius criminal, who used it to rob the billion dollar bank.
The Judge was not amused with my story. Ordered a psychiatrist, but I stuck with it as I was going to show the jury my implant, and tell them about having sex with hot Nordic aliens and other such things that only an abductee would know. I did not get bail, but I did get an FBI mole who tried to get me to talk in prison, and I told him all about being abducted by aliens.
So anyway, I got my court trial, and told my story to the Jury. Showed them my implant, mentioned my sex stories which took 5 days of testimony as it was detailed, and I became known as the Abductee Bank Robber. Perhaps you have heard of me, but perhaps not, as there was another celebrity on trial that month and she sort of gobbled up the headlines.
Well, there was closing arguments, instructions from the Judge, and in an amazing verdict that surprised everyone, I was found innocent, as the day I was born.
No one was amused at all, as for some reason the law enforcement did not believe a word of my solid alibi like the Jury did.
Maybe I should mention that while I was courting the fine Hilda Barnsworth, I had gained employment in the federal court records of that district as Jamaal Kitworth who was a very bright computer technician. I researched all the records, and found 12 very interested people who like Hilda, had been let down by society, and were of a psychological type who never talked about things, and had dreams of like going to the end of the earth and disappearing if someone would just share 71.4 million dollars, divided up with 14 people who just wanted their cut out of life as they earned it, and would just disappear under the names of some more of these thousands of people who disappear every year and no one cares.
This is why the Jury believed me as there was something in it for them. They were working for themselves, looked at it as a job, and knew that for 30 days of work they would get 70 million dollars to go live their dreams.
So I was free and never could be charged again, obeying all the rules of law in America in a jury trial of my peers. The law enforcement though just could not get over it, even after somehow an unclaimed body appeared as me in a fiery ending, that only left my DNA to confirm it was me. Granted, my IT work had already switched out my DNA for this cadaver's, so it was irrefutable proof and I was back to assuming who I was.
The reason crime never pays, is no one ever wants to work for their crime, and always thinks they will never be caught. That is the mistake in being lazy and arrogant. You might as well as get caught, and then just have the system find you innocent, as you can not be greedy as you have to share equally with people who are of the same mindset of you to keep their mouths shut and just close the door to the past.
Now granted most people who disappear just walk out the door without a plan. I had a plan and it worked out pretty well. Honestly 70 million dollars does not go as far as it used to, but 1/14th of a billion dollars is better than a whole billion dollars at 20 years to life.
Now some might say, "Why didn't I just get a like minded Judge and split it for 500 million dollars?" The point is, I never thought of that as I am not as smart as you, because you can be tried and judged by one Judge, and that goes a great deal better, but then it is 333 million dollars as Hilda always gets her cut too.
That is my story and I am sticking to it though in how I obeyed the laws of the land and it worked out pretty good for me and 13 others. I could have just swindled people like most billionaires, but that just seemed dishonest to me and one thing about me, is I am always honest, as without honesty, you are just another swindler living in an ivory tower.
Nuff Said
agtG
