As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
The time in town brought two realities of the human heart, actually 3.
The first is Lori, who has a little dog who she can not afford to keep hauling to the vet, as now they say her cripple will cost 1000 dollars in knee surgery, in a woman who is living paycheck to paycheck.
The second is the brother of the prick who changed his mind on selling us my great grandfather's place. They have just moved their dad into assisted living. He has one piece of furniture, a recliner where he sleeps and lives.
The third are my asshole sibling sister and husband who I found out were telling everyone what good samaritans they were in always checking on the Uncle who is on our place. I am about to go and stick my nose in and warn him about them, as they are not doing that and the only reason they are hanging around him is for money, as they have not seen the mother since she got out of hospital for a broken hip.
This week the mother was found seated in front of her recliner in telling me she missed the chair. It was errand day and I knew the reason in she did not want to go to town, so the great theatrics appeared again.
This is not to say that her self inflicted sedentary of wait on me has not degraded her, as it has, as she has swelling in her lower legs in fluid build up. That though is the result of her head game and her abusing me with phrases that "I was taking away all of her fun", to which she was told she was a big girl and could take care of herself, which she admitted she could not do, but the damage is done.
Fluid retention means congestive heart failure. My old man had that, along with other self inflicted conditions like diabetes and an enlarged heart. In my being a child of the brier patch in raising livestock I know the signs of life and dying. I know now that sometimes when my puppy Ruby was dying of a womb infection which my brother's dogs gave her, that she was dying and all that operation did was prolong a long slow death which I loved her through even more.
When the mother broke her hip seven years ago and the siblings all left the building and would have abandoned her to die in a geezer home, as soon as her insurance ran out, I took care of her alone, but in reality that was nature's way of saying her time had come.
The mother is not on any medications. She never needed them. I ponder and I talk things over with her about doctors, and the reality is they would probably put her into a hospital to glean insurance money from her, then either force her into an institution where she would degrade rapidly and die in a few years, as they pumped her full of medications, starting with diuretics.
In my pasture I have the carcass from this summer of a cow I loved named Hen. She was a pet, a good mother, and I should have sold her as she was dying, but I was not going to let the Mexican beat on her at the slaughter house, because she was old and could not move.
I talked to God about it, and He distracted me for a few days, and I noticed the old girl was gone. I stopped by the pasture and decided to check where she was, as TL and I had saved her in June from being caught in wire which made no sense at all as I have never seen that, but I could tell by the smell she was dead somewhere, and I found her by the dam.
That made me sad, but I was really concerned I was going to get stuck with shooting her this winter if she went down, as I thought she was dead a few times last winter.
What the remedy is for the mother, as I started my day with a loud bang in this time she did fall down, and cut her head, which I had to nurse, and get her washed up, is she is going to have her feet elevated to drain the fluid as was the case in the broken hip. Vitamin E oil will be rubbed on her lower legs which worked for her friend who had the same problems and there are not going to be any doctors involved to gouge the insurance companies for money, or more to the point, gouge you rich non donors out of your money in your dividends and higher rates. It will save you poor people too, in not taking up your Medicare and Medicaid.
I will take care of my own as I always have when no one else would help. It is a hell of thing to have to do, because I know Bugs felt horrible guilt for moving his mom out to assisted living when his wife insisted on it. In that case if they had waited a few months, she already had cancer and Bugs would have had the excuse instead of the guilt and having to visit her every day.
I will make the mother comfortable, and realize in her poverty and my homelessness that in this natural progression she will probably be like her friend of a few weeks ago in dying of a heart attack in her sleep. There is only so much strain a heart can take and fluid build up is one of the signs of a failing heart. It is though nature's way as Billy Dixon said of a man in a buffalo wallow, dying from an Indian who blew out have his lung, that death comes warmly in she embraces you with a hug and holds on, and in peace you just expire.
I do not know if it will be months or years, but I do know that it will not be in an institution, and the mother will not be abused no matter if she deserves it or not in how horrid she has been. That is for God to Judge and I am not going to put myself into a place of Judgment. Medicines are fine when there is an outcome of comfort or an outcome of ten to fifty years of living ahead, but when it is just keeping someone going down hill alive so something more expensive can go to hell, so it has to be institutionalized suicide which takes place in America like Herbert McMaster's old man, then nature provides a better way. King David could not keep warm. That meant his circulation was failing in his heart was gone. He was at peace, no pain, and when the time came he just went to sleep and there was no more his new wife could do.
Both of the mother's parents died of heart attacks. Her brother had broken a shoulder and languished for years as a Jehovah's Witness before he died in institutionalized care. I know the realities of it all, and abandoning someone to die out of sight is not my way, and I have no idea how the bills will be paid after the mother is gone, as the government eating her retirement would do now. I just know I am forced to do this as it is Christian and I can do just as much here and more, as when her time comes she can die in this house.
I hate being between a rock and no place. It has been my entire existence. The things I have gone through should never happen in life to anyone, but I hear the echoes of the hard decisions and instinctively I retreat to the little girl in me and watch all of this happening in terror. Life is not fair and it has never been fair to me. I deal with people who have homes and property who will not sell, because they do not care about poor people. I deal with people who use me and this blog and as they think it all comes without reason or rhyme. I see all I have worked for in hope evaporating, but I still have to do the right thing.
The right thing is caring for someone in her home and saving her from people using her as a money pit in businesses, to hopefully give her a blessed end. I though will still be stuck in this shit hole, with no way out but death, but death has not come as who would be left in this world to do the right thing.
I have to go now warn Uncle of my predatory sister and her husband, and hope that I do not get told off.
Nuff Said
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