Dear Viking,
You can always share with us anything, and the details will not be posted here, but the request for prayers will be offered, for both of you.
I have been thinking a great deal about you, as is the season of our difficulties beginning last year with the mother. Where your Mom is a gem, she was pure electric cockle burr to the heart in looking for ways to cause problems.
I still do not know what started the fall with her last year. She claimed she was looking for Vicks for me as I was sick from being wore out taking care of her. I think inquiry pointed to her stealing pop out of the porch. It does not matter, but in our situation now with the Uncle who will not leave to his daughters, we are caught in the kindness trap.
I think he got better from TL and I feeding him our energy, or him taking it. I think he got better when his daughter tried to take him back, as he doubled up on pain meds for a few days, which I just informed his daughter of.
He has been more ordering us around, as we cut back to one visit a day as "he was going better", and he is probably upset in missing us and the reality of ........sorry Poot just laid down on my stomach as I was typing and started biting my wrist to my yelling that this hurts.
Poot is upset TL is no playing with her.
Meanwhile, I understand Viking, and our compassion is with you in our loving support. The situation is impossible and in God's time, He will fulfill the set time for your Mom to go home. What I learned is we can't will better things to happen, as that exhausts and it is not reality. All we can do is be there for someone we care about, and do what is right, so our conscience is clear. You are doing yeoman's work in caring for your Mom. It is a situation that your emotions will be pulled in ways you never knew and it will take time to heal and recover when this is completed. We are still waiting on our recovery and it looks like I am not going to get my moment of a warm autumn to sit and pretend that things are better. God has His reasons, but I have been thinking I needed a rest since 2000, but none has come.
It is small things like Poot just walked off me, only dug the claws in shallow, did not rip the keys off the keyboard, or leave shit on my shirt in laying on me. No blood from bites, so what a wonderful day it is, as in a few we are off to check on Uncle again, get his mail, hope I am not going to be ranted at, and then build my bridge to somewhere I can pretend is a reward, which is a warm blanket that cooked me last night, when Poot was not clawing me from 5 until 8 o' clock for attention.
Uncle takes Dulcolax. Yes what fun, but he takes bananas too. I just finished laundry for him, and nothing says service like washing old man underwear all summer, as his kids phone it in.
I just am pleased when he is not scowling. I know he thinks when he leaves that place he is not coming back. I have offered, but I check the obits here, and am shocked by the people I have seen who are dead. A nice lady in the grocery store, who votes Republican, just died. It is life and part of it, and when the time comes, we have to be aware of the guilt and the grief, as it is a relief to not have that worry anymore, as we deal with missing someone.
I embarked on this phase two to try and get the land we need. Instead there are dreams there of a meltdown safe haven. I know that will never happen, as radioactive fall out, lack of gas for travel and a host of other armed things, just do not work things out. Like Uncle gets the shits from the well water there......so we have to take our water over, but life is not a bowl of cherries when you get the shits and all you buy is that rough old toilet paper to rub your ass raw.
See I smile at that as one takes small comforts in knowing the future.
So God has to make up for my investment, just like I wait for Him to make up for the mother last year. I seem to do a great deal of waiting, as God has a different clock than I have in caring for others.
I was going to invest in a rail hospital bed to keep the mother in bed, so she would not get out and fall down. They get ideas and ZOOM they go. She hated how I blocked her in at night, but no sleep was not something we could live without, as she would sleep all day and then be up at night. Had to change the schedule, even if there was never a change in her always wanting to go to the bathroom every hour at night.
Mother was the worst person to care for. Uncle is a walk in the park. Your Mom is a jewel, and that makes it harder, as she does not give you any reason to be mad at her. I think I did more yelling last year during that last year of her existence than in my life, as obstinate was the word. It did zero good, but it comes down to it, I had to love God and do it for Him, as you love your Mom and are doing this for God and her.
You are in our prayers and we are always here Viking to unload on as we know what you are going through and have complete sympathy and understanding, in you are never alone, as you are part of the knowing group who cares for aging parents.
All our love. LC
