If my future were determined just by my performance on a standardized test, I wouldn't be here. I guarantee you that.
Michelle Obama
As another Lame Cherry exclusive in matter anti matter.
Call 911
911 Operator: 911, for what city?
Caller: Monticeito
911 Operator: Do you require police, fire, or ambulance?
Caller: All please. Right away. It’s those British next door. They are at it again. Screaming. I think she tried to run over him with their ATV.
911 Operator: What’s your address?
Caller: It’s *** Rockbridge Road.
911 Operator: What is the address of the incident for response?
Caller: 765 Rockbridge. You can hear the chickens making noise. They are really loud.
911 Operator: Okay. I’m dispatching first responders, police and fire. But please stay on the line and provide more information. Is the situation dangerous.
Caller: Just for Harry I think. I don't think she will run over the responders as she is gunning for Harry's chickens right now.
911 Operator: Help is on the way. Now don’t hang up. Stay with me while I ask you a few questions. You said "gun" is there a weapon involved?
Caller: Not that I know of. She is gunning that electric motor though.
Operator: That’s G-U-N-N -I - N - G right?
Caller: That’s correct.
911 Operator: Can you tell me what happened?
Caller: My border invader Juanita and I were measuring out the coke she brought in and having a little sex, when we heard this screaming again. It was something about calling her Kate during sex and not liking having him call her, her royal highness. There was that electric car revved up, more yelling, chickens squawking and what sounded like............I hear the sirens, the cops are over there now.
We now move to the statement by Los Angeles County Law Enforcement.
Sheriff's Deputy Nori Yamaguchi
When I arrived, two humans were both in restraints. I quickly moved to the coy, but there was nothing which could be done. I tried the paddles, tried IV's, tried Adrenalin, but there was simply nothing that could be done to resuscitate them.
I left as the people had several abrasions and contusions, but with budget cutbacks there is not any money for treating people in California, only illegals and animals.
The Meghan of Sussex tells her side of the story.
I swear I never said anything about Kate, I was saying "GREAT" over and over. That is when Meghan hit me with that black dong and broke my nose. I swear I never hit her and broke her nose, as she swings that dong around like a cricket bat and she hit herself. That is how I made my escape to the hen house, but she found me there and tried to run me over with our environmentally friendly electric ATV. A few of my hens got smushed, but we always eat them. I ran for a tree which I made so I could climb it, hid there, until the police arrived. I don't think I should have been arrested as I was not arrested for stressing Grammy out and killing her and Grampy...........maybe I should not have said that.
Lastly we hear from California Penal Warden, Karmen Kuratta.
agtG